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What do I do about this.

(20 Posts)
blueholepunch Wed 08-May-13 09:05:44

Regular. N/c. Not that that makes a difference.

I have a DS he's 14 and he goes to his Dad on a Tuesday night. He left his coat here and texted me this morning to say he was coming to get it. So I texted back no probs I'll be in the shower but I'll unlock the door. (Keys were in the back of the door so he couldn't have got in without me unlocking it)

I was in the shower, heard him run upstairs, shouted out did you get your coat he said yes and ran downstairs again and I heard the front door bang.

The bathroom door was closed over but not shut iyswim and next thing I heard a tap on the door and my name being called. My ex was knocking the door to say that DS had got his coat.

He didn't do anything but I am feeling a bit freaked out.

HousewifeFromHeaven Wed 08-May-13 09:13:58

Did you live together in the house? How long have you been separated?

Why did it freak you out? Need more info?

HousewifeFromHeaven Wed 08-May-13 09:14:30

Too many ? Sorry

blueholepunch Wed 08-May-13 09:16:11

He lives in his own house and has access on a Tuesday night I live in my house on my own. We have been separated for years. I was freaked out because I wasn't expecting him to knock on the door of my bathroom when I was in it having a shower confused

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 08-May-13 09:19:48

I'm sure you were surprised if you thought everyone had left but is there anything sinister about your ex that would make it a problem that he tapped on the door?

Wowserz129 Wed 08-May-13 09:20:16

I don't really understand why you are freaked out to be honest. He didnt come in the bathroom? He was just telling you from the other side of the door DS had got it? Unless there's more to it?

HeySoulSister Wed 08-May-13 09:21:18

He was letting you know they had got what they needed.... Maybe he (reasonably) thought you would want to go lock the door after them?

blueholepunch Wed 08-May-13 09:22:22

Just that I thought it was freaky to come into my house. I am obviously over reacting thanks guys

MaryRobinson Wed 08-May-13 09:22:22

I think you are over reacting a tad. He didn't burst in or go nosing through your stuff. Not ideal, but no big deal really

SanityClause Wed 08-May-13 09:23:30

He had no right and no reason to come into your house, like that.

I think you need to mention it. "Ex, I would rather you didn't come into my house unless you are invited in." Also mention it to your son. Not because it was his fault, but just so he knows where you stand on this. "Son, I don't really want Ex in the house if I haven't invited him in."

Of course, if Ex is with your son, and insists on coming in, it's not down to your son to stop him - it's his father, afterall. But if Ex says "Oh, she won't mind", your son can say, "Actually, she will." If your Ex is a reasonable person, he will accept that. If he's not, then stronger action may be required. (Report to police, maybe?)

SorryMyLollipop Wed 08-May-13 09:25:01

I understand how you felt. This happened to me after my ex left, he let himself in the house (for a legitimate reason) while I was in the shower - I felt really vulnerable and a teeny teeny bit violated). It freaked me out.

I don't think he really did anything wrong, he just tapped on the door to let you know, but I know it felt weird to you.

MumnGran Wed 08-May-13 09:25:26

I think that you have a very natural reaction to someone being in the house, that you did not expect, but that it needs to be seen in proportion.

The circumstances you have described make you ex a bit thoughtless, and possibly not very aware of limits, but don't seem freaky. I would guess he probably came into the house with son, who dashed out to car after collecting coat, and ex thought he would just let you know it had been collected (you might not have been able to hear the running up and down, if you were under the shower).
He didn't open the bathroom door - which would be really over the line.

Best approach would probably to say something, when you next meet, along the lines of ..... "I know you were just letting me know about the coat, but I wasn't happy about you just coming in to the house, and particularly up the stairs. It crosses a line. Next time, could you just drop a note into the letterbox."

SorryMyLollipop Wed 08-May-13 09:27:42

Would you have felt freaked out if you were not in the shower? If you were upstairs reading or in the kitchen/garden how would you have felt? Does he normally let himself in? Do you think he was motivated to come in by the fact you were in the shower (and was hoping to catch a glimpse or to make you feel vulnerable etc)?

blueholepunch Wed 08-May-13 09:27:44

The door was closed over but not shut and it opened slightly as he tapped it.
Couldn't he have just asked DS if he had his coat? And yes I feel a bit violated.

blueholepunch Wed 08-May-13 09:28:17

He never lets himself in. He has never let himself in before.

SorryMyLollipop Wed 08-May-13 09:29:17

Maybe just tell him that it felt weird and you would prefer him not to come into the house. Would he respect that?

sudaname Wed 08-May-13 09:34:01

Next time lock your bathroom door and personally l would never say l will be in the shower/bath/bed etc to any visiting males unless they were my current partner or my son or brother. Certainly not to an ex. in case there was the tiniest chance it could be misconstrued as inviting in some way.

blueholepunch Wed 08-May-13 09:35:41

I didn't tell my ex I was in the shower, I told DS I was in the shower and I'd unlock the door for him. It was DS who texted me. Not my ex.

sudaname Wed 08-May-13 10:26:38

Well he must have found out from your son via the text or maybe just heard you. I still would lock the door if there was a chance any other male except above exemptions were coming in my house, or l would just feel vulnerable tbh.

sudaname Wed 08-May-13 10:29:17

Also I agree with Sorry maybe he should be politely barred from coming in to your house at all.

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