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'Fancying' another man

(13 Posts)
OnTheNingNangNong Tue 07-May-13 21:20:10

I will say straight off that I would never go any further than 'fancying' this man, my relationship is too important to me and I can't think of any way to describe it. confused

I see this man as my son loves going where he works, we've been going there for years and have exchanged a bit of friendly banter, but recently I've began to have these feelings and I've not had them since I met my husband 8 years ago.

What can I do to stop them?

I try to rationalise it in my head and I feel awful. Like I'm betraying my husband even though I've not done anything.

OnTheNingNangNong Tue 07-May-13 21:48:33


kotinka Tue 07-May-13 21:50:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xales Tue 07-May-13 21:51:35

Absolutely nothing wrong with fancying another person.

It goes to show you are alive and kicking.

As long as like you say it goes no further there is no problem.

stickortwist Tue 07-May-13 21:52:43

I fancy men in real life occasionally. I still really dj too tjough. Have a cold shower , dont overstep any boundries(avoid any innuendo, dont swap numbers etc), and then theres nothing to feel guilyy anout

stickortwist Tue 07-May-13 21:53:34

Sorry crappy phone. I still fancy dh too though ..

OnTheNingNangNong Tue 07-May-13 21:56:39

Thanks, I'm still with DH and we're having quite a good time, even though some pap is thrown at us, which is why I'm so confused.

But I'm glad to know it's kind of normal. I would never do anything to jeopardise any relationship I'm in. Especially as I have my DC's.

EllaFitzgerald Tue 07-May-13 21:59:10

Are these feelings getting stronger or is it just a case of looking at him and thinking 'phwoar'? If it's the latter, then I wouldn't worry too much, so long as you keep it to yourself.

If your feelings are getting stronger, however, then I'd be thinking about what's lacking in your relationship with your husband and trying to work on that.

OnTheNingNangNong Tue 07-May-13 22:14:44

They have been getting a bit stronger recently, but it's only been in the past few months that I've had any sort of feelings for him. It could be the recognizable face and the fact he puts up with DS1 asking him lots of questions.

My relationship with my husband is pretty good at the moment, better than it's been in a long while, but I think I'm feeling a bit unappreciated, rightly or wrongly

EllaFitzgerald Tue 07-May-13 22:20:56

Could it be that you're just looking for a bit of excitement and appreciation rather than having feelings for this particular person? If it wasn't him, would it be someone else who showed a bit of kindness and gave you a bit of banter?

OnTheNingNangNong Tue 07-May-13 22:31:24

It could be the excitement of it, actually it probably is. I don't know if it would be someone else though, I've always seen him as quite attractive even before we spoke and I really don't find many men attractive IYSWIM?

scaevola Tue 07-May-13 22:38:15

Right, if you're feeling more towards this OM, and you are worried that it feels like a betrayal, then treat it like one. You need a boundary check. Don't let yourself get caught up in little baby steps to an emotional attachment. You can only enjoy recognition of attraction if you are sure you won't act. And that means a conscious decision now to keep OM at arms length (pleasant chat only, and perhaps not that for a while) and prioritise DH as your primary emotional partner.

OnTheNingNangNong Tue 07-May-13 22:43:35

You're right. I'll avoid going there for a while and I'll concentrate more on DH, try to do more together when he's at home.

I really wouldn't do anything, I couldn't. I know what it feels to have a partner have an emotional affair. I couldn't do it, it hurt too much finding out. Thank you

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