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Relationships

Well that's it then

10 replies

BumpingFuglies · 07/05/2013 15:51

After 6 months of court hearings, solicitors meetings and sheer agony, DP's parents have dropped their application for Residence/Contact of my DSSs.

They originally applied for residence, then joint residence, then contact of Friday to Monday every fortnight plus 1 day in the week. The SW recommended once every three weeks and no overnights. The key point here is that the previous SW insisted that the boys have supervised contact with the GPs but the current SW did not. We supported supervised access and therefore disagreed with the contact order proposal.

At court today, the Solicitor said it would have to go to a contested hearing. We were happy to do this but DP's Mum (I'll call her MIL for simplicity) said it was her way or no way and she would never see the kids again. So we are now at fortnightly letters from the GPs and weekly phone contact.

They WILL NOT come to our house. They WILL NOT see DP (big argument last year).

How the fuck do we explain that to the children? They are 8 and 5 with SEN and possible ASD (still trying to obtain DX).

They don't care what they are doing to the boys. They just want to win, like the kids are some kind of top prize. Bastards. I've had enough

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BumpingFuglies · 07/05/2013 15:52

Thanks for reading that lot - probably very confusing

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NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 07/05/2013 15:56

You don't need people like that in your life.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/05/2013 16:03

I don't think you tell your DCs anything quite honestly. I'm sure they have plenty to do with school and friends etc. The movements of grandparents can't be that important to them in the grand scheme of things. If they ask, tell them granny is busy or something. If they don't ask, no need to bring them into the conversation.

I grew up with two grandmothers. One was kind, funny, there at the birthday parties, attended school concerts... normal basically. I miss her every day. The other was just horrible, self-centred and mean. Saw her twice my whole childhood. I don't miss her in the slightest. She meant nothing to me

MIL's loss, yes?

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BumpingFuglies · 07/05/2013 19:13

Well that's what I'm thinking now Cogito - to be honest they don't ask much about them anyway. But I guess they will ask when the phone calls and letters start.

God I feel shit. DP is in pieces.

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BumpingFuglies · 07/05/2013 19:22

But it's the kids' loss too. That's what worries me

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Hopasholic · 07/05/2013 20:15

But it's not! Where's the loss? Why would you want people like that involved in the kids lives?

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BumpingFuglies · 07/05/2013 20:21

Because they previously had a lot to do with GPs. But then a lot has happened since. How can they have weekly phone contact and NOT wonder when they will see them?

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StoicButStressed · 08/05/2013 00:28

Oh Bumping - fuckety fuckety fuck. Okay, that beyond explains your text

No words other than people can be SUCH frickin tossers re own (NUTS) goals/being 'right' that they lose sight of what is actually IMPORTANT. THAT being the DC's.

You do NOT need this stress on top of all else Bumps. Just do your best and if have to, simply be as honest with DC's as can - you don't really have much choice now.

And FWIW, ALL child pyschologists etc that I have needed to speak to have be SOOOO uber clear about that last point - honesty (even if painful) is way better for DCs in long term than anything 'waffley' to cover up what is going on. STRONG advice would be to see if is local CAHMS or Relate (they do family sessions) who can help you in that.

((((hugs Bumps )))) Sx

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/05/2013 06:19

" How can they have weekly phone contact and NOT wonder when they will see them?"

They probably won't. You're stressed about it right now but if you explain to your DCs that granny is just a 'phone granny' from now on and won't be paying house-calls they'll take on board whatever explanation you give them..... and then get right on doing whatever it is they actually like doing. My DS gets on well enough with his grandparents but, whenever I say they're coming to visit, I get a big old eye-roll and a groan ... What kid wants to spend the afternoon eating biscuits with the wrinklies when there's something better on offer?

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BumpingFuglies · 08/05/2013 10:01

Thing is, if you are bothered enough to go to court over it, why stop now? Makes no sense. Start seeing the kids then stop. Drag us all through it then throw your teddy out the pram? They don't care about the kids, toxic pair. I'm still mad. The boys have enough to contend with