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Things will get better, wont they?

(8 Posts)
DesparateDad Tue 07-May-13 13:40:37

Good news she is eating much better now, at least one good meal a day, creal in the morning and healthy snacks.
She is still troubled bty hwer weight but hopefully I am reassuring her, but things still not right, she feels that she is inadequate when she cant stop baby crying, and said that she thinks this is the biggest mistake she has ever made. This is only rarely because mostly she is over the moon with baby, but lack of sleeping hours is really affecting her. I try and do as much as I can but ultimately have to work, i do washing before i go, walk dog, make up bottles of feed, cook meals when I get home and do groceries. Somene tell me these feelings will pass! she was on anti depressants for years, but reduced it to 10mg but is not on any now.

RobotLover68 Tue 07-May-13 20:58:11

Bumping for you, hopefully someone better than me will be along

I hope you find the help you clearly both need

kotinka Tue 07-May-13 21:53:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gintonic Tue 07-May-13 22:05:33

Hello, I haven't read your previous threads so I don't know the background, but didn't want to read this and run. I have felt very low at some points since having LO. Yes it has got better with the time but there are still bad patches mainly when I don't get enough sleep.

Is there anything you can do to help her get more sleep - do shifts or get someone to help out in the day a little bit so she can sleep then?

I think being honest with your partner about how you feel helps a bit too.

betterthanever Tue 07-May-13 22:18:55

The answer is yes, it will get better.
There are some mums (me included and many I know) who find it much harder than they thought and panic a bit - they hate the fact they can't manage as well as they thought they would. But when I saw friends - they were managing, they just didn't think they were. They are good mums wanting to do the right thing. It isn't easy and before I had my DS I had never heard anyone describe just how hard it is... once I opened up many, many other mum's did too.
Lots and lots and lots of love and encouragement from you will be a massive thing. But try not to highlight you have noticed her anxiety. You are doing a brilliant job being dad and I wish I had had you around (lone parent).
I know books are not for everyone but I read the contented baby routine and whilst I made it my own and didn't follow everything they said (as I am sure most people do) it was just a guide and a help (esp. when you are not there). She may not like you suggesting she needs a book... and I am struggling at the moment how you could bring it up.. maybe say it is for you and that you are feeling that you are not sure what to do? that may also help her open up. It is quite normal how she is feeling I promise... more openess about how hard it is should be out there - I was terrified and I tell everyone ... it doesn't mean I was a rubbish Mum and I now have a great 8 year old DS!!! and he is alive grin

musicposy Wed 08-May-13 08:47:49

Yes, it will get better. Hang in there and believe that. smile
I look back and cannot believe how togh life was when the DCs were young - and I speak as someone who was desperate for them!
DH and I had rows, drama, you name it and I was barely coping.
They are teens now, life is great, DH and I get on better than ever. Once the baby and toddler stage was over it all improved so much.
There were times I wanred to run away from it all, leave DH, leave everyone. Im so glad I stuck in there. Be patient, be supportive, ride the storm. You will come through.

NotTreadingGrapes Wed 08-May-13 08:50:02

Yes, it will. Especially with a lovely partner like you. smile

Mnetter111 Wed 08-May-13 10:58:46

It will get better, I've got at least a couple of close friends that had a huge shock with the baby, I also felt desperate and sick when I couldn't comfort the baby, as others have said, hang in there, you're doing what you can. Any chance you have a relative that can help on a weekend day so you can both get a bit more rest? Can you encourage her to get to baby groups or talking to other mums on mumsnet for support? The weight worry, a lot of people have been there too.

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