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Possible cheating partner - how to check an iphone?

(165 Posts)
Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 12:46:47

Hi, I wrote recently about my partner of 19 years (anniversary today actually) telling me he doesn't love me anymore.

This was the outcome of an argument about me thinking he's cheating. I have suspected this for a few months now and around three weeks ago I asked outright to look through his iphone.

Now, he got the iphone in January. I don't know my way around one and wasn't sure what I was looking for. What I DO know is that he's very attached to it (it lives in his pocket), it beeps and rumbles constantly in the evenings/at weekends, it has a pass-code (which I'm fairly certain I know from careful observation).

When he gave me the phone (extremely reluctantly) to look at, I didn't really know what to look for. There was nothing incriminating in the texts (but he would probably delete them as he went along), but is there a messenger service on there? I have a Blackberry so I have BBM on mine. Is there something similar on the iphone that I should be looking for? How do I get onto the internet and check the history of it? How do I check for over-used phone numbers, etc? I can only check it when he's asleep at night so I need to be quick with it.

I'm asking this off the back of the zombie thread that's popped up, that I read with interest - it all made me sit up very straight indeed!

I know people are going to tell me that I should just end it and that I don't need the evidence, etc, but please bear in mind that everyone is different and I DO need the evidence. I need it for my own peace of mind and to make sure that I don't tear us apart completely when there are three children to take into account too.

Any iphone users out there who can help?

Pantone363 Tue 07-May-13 13:37:00 if you have his password!

Pantone363 Tue 07-May-13 13:37:56

His apple password, not his passcode.

You can track him and see all contacts on

Looksgoodingravy Tue 07-May-13 13:38:35

Counting, that's how I found more messages on DP iphone (this is before I had an iphone myself) he had deleted them but for some reason about 4 snippets of the conversation were still showing up on the search function. I found 'ok Sexy xxxx' and a couple of others, opened a whole can of worms. When I do this on my new iphone though it doesn't show any deleted messages, this is why I didn't suggest it to Heartbroken, might be worth a check though.

badinage Tue 07-May-13 13:38:54

Once the trust has gone I've got no problem with snooping per se, but I do think if it's over a prolonged period it damages the snooper and this sounds like it's been going on for a while. I'm sure you've got better things to do.

So why don't you ask him to show you his bills and give you free access to his passwords and phone?

Won't that bring this all to a head quicker?

If he's cheating, he won't be open with you and so surely that, in addition to the lack of trust, is all you need?

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:38:57

He loathes Facebook and doesn't use it. And he doesn't use our laptop anymore because he only uses the internet on his iphone. So essentially I have to check his phone because that's where EVERYTHING is!

Pantone363 Tue 07-May-13 13:40:59

Also (and this may be illegal so it's up to you).

If you can get another iPhone to borrow. You can restore it and it will give you the option of setting up as a new iPhone. You can then enter his details: apple name/password and restore from the last iCloud backup. You've then got a replica of his last backup in your hands hmm

Pantone363 Tue 07-May-13 13:42:15

Basically iPhone security is shit grin

PatPig Tue 07-May-13 13:43:01

I think you have to be realistic that messages may be deleted regularly.

I would install that monitoring software, but this will require a considerable period with the phone because the phone needs to be jailbroken first.

Pantone363 Tue 07-May-13 13:44:38

Unless you are confident with what you are doing DO NOT jailbreak his phone.

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:44:39

I don't know his apple password or I'd be onto icloud like a shot! Installing software is probably out too, as I'm likely to have a quick look through the phone when he's asleep, rather than extended periods with it to install software.

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:45:01

Don't even know what jailbreak means?!?

PatPig Tue 07-May-13 13:48:40

jailbreak allows you to install any software on an ipad/iphone.

It's pretty much automated but you do need a computer, iphone cable and some reasonable computer skills (not advanced).

Pantone363 Tue 07-May-13 13:51:18

Don't bother with the jailbreak.

In a short period I'd look at what's app in case he has forgotten to delete anything. However when you open what's app, all of your whats app contacts can tell when you last used it (ie Pantone was last online at 12.33pm) might be good in that you may get to see a msg if someone sees he is online, but also dodgy if someone says why were you online last night when he knows he was asleep! It can be turned off but most people have it on.

Spotlight search as above.

SMS (green box with white speech bubble)

Safari (open google and type from A-Z) it will bring up al recent searches starting with each letter)

Contacts, anyone you don't recognise?

Recent calls/duration.


Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:51:33

Oh, ok, I would totally be able to do that then. Computers are my thing, I'm just not familiar with where things ARE on the iphone so wanted a quick 'this is where the evidence would be' checklist.

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:53:07

Yes, that was the other thing I wanted to know how to find - pics and videos - where would they be on the iphone? He has about three thousand apps so I don't want to be scrolling all over.

I'm just very used to my Blackberry.

Pantone363 Tue 07-May-13 13:53:49

If you do do the jailbreak be careful. My iPhone is JB and I have a cydia icon to access!

Pantone363 Tue 07-May-13 13:54:27

All under photos, usually front page (pic of a flower)

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:55:18

What's a cydia icon???

CajaDeLaMemoria Tue 07-May-13 13:59:28

If you jailbreak his phone, you'll void his warranty. It's also very obvious that it's been jailbroken. He'd know, if he knows what he's doing with his iPhone.

I'd be careful with the search too, because it can be set up to show previous searches.

Installing things onto his phone may work, but equally, it'll show as an active app and therefore he's likely to notice it.

Whatsapp and FB messaging show the last time you logged in.

He'll already be suspicious, because you demanded to look at it before, so be really careful. He's probably already onto you.

Pictures are under the flower icon.

Looksgoodingravy Tue 07-May-13 14:07:47

Yes once you've searched, double click the front circle button again, press and hold the first App and all the Apps will show a red circle, delete the Apps you've searched.

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 14:10:43

What will that do Looksgood?

Looksgoodingravy Tue 07-May-13 14:22:22

Make a note of the Apps which already appear when you first do the 'double click and search App search'. Every time you search an App it will appear on this search so you need to delete the Apps you've searched.

zippey Tue 07-May-13 16:21:32

I am of the opinion that its not a good idea to go snooping around among the property of your loved oneS, wether its reading your childrens diary or your texts on your husbands phone.

If you dont trust him, try and work on this instead rather than be all secretive. Snooping around will only show you up in a bad light.

Or phone Jeremy Kyle and get him to do a lie detector. (your hubby not JK)

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 16:35:49

Thanks for your really unhelpful and judgmental post Zippey. I don't recall asking for your opinion, so kindly keep them to yourself.

edwinamerckx Tue 07-May-13 16:44:05

Just be aware that if you access his phone (or computer) without his explicit permission you are potentially committing a serious criminal offence. And unlawfully obtained evidence cannot be used in family court proceedings, should it come to that.

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