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Relationships

Is it ok to feel nothing for a while?

8 replies

ohnoididnt · 06/05/2013 16:39

I've been on my own for three years. I've had three relationships in that time. None serious. I've gone back to Internet dating but feel like my heart isn't in it. I'm starting to feel like I will never have a proper relationship again (I'm 38). My friends husband has said he doesn't think I want a relationship while the men I have seen have been quick to tell me that they don't as if I give off a vibe that I do. Confusing. Plus all I see are unhappy couples (bar the friend I have mentioned) and it puts me off. I was married quite young so all feels new. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I love the thought of being with someone who cares but at the same time I've relished my freedom (well as free as it can be with child responsibilities). After three years should I think there's something wrong with me? Maybe I just need me time for a while. Anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:

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CodLiverOil556 · 06/05/2013 17:38

me, I feel the same, I can't seem to do relationships, I like being on my own too much, I can't be doing with the hassle of another person in my life

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SoleSource · 06/05/2013 19:58

I am tired of being alone but in.no position for a relationship as i want to be financially.independent

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/05/2013 05:34

I think independence is a terrific thing and I'm not surprised you're reluctant to give it up. Like you say, it can be challenging, but there's a lot to be said for the freedom to be yourself and live life on your own terms. Having been single for far longer than you I occasionally think I should launch myself into internet dating and find a partner but then I start thinking about all the fantastic things I'd be giving up... and suddenly it doesn't look so great. If there's something wrong with you, I have the same condition :)

BTW I think the men you are meeting & telling you 'I don't want a relationship' are actually saying they're looking for casual sex. And your friend's husband probably sees you as this capable, self-confident, self-contained type which some (insecure) men IME find slightly scary.

So keep doing your own thing, be sociable, be happy and when the timing is completely wrong, some bloke will probably turn up to mess your life up further. Sod's Law... :)

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/05/2013 05:35

" i want to be financially.independent"

I've always been financially independent, even when I was married. There's no law that you have to pool incomes..

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SoleSource · 07/05/2013 08:02

In order for me to beable to enter a relationship with a guy not on benefits i want to be financially indeoendent. I have never been married or pooled my income with a guy but it always worked for my parents that way.

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SoleSource · 07/05/2013 08:02

I am on benefits as i have a disabled child.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/05/2013 08:40

You'd presumably still get some benefits even if you were in a permanent relationship and those and things like Child Benefit would still be regarded as your income. Having seen how my parents fought over the irresponsible use of pooled family money and having once been married to a spendthrift myself, I'm really not a fan of the joint account. There are plenty of ways to fairly share out household costs without pooling income.