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What would you do if you were me.

(16 Posts)
Whowhowhoswho Mon 06-May-13 13:35:01

Husband trouble

His bad points: negative, moody, miserable, controlling, insecure, verbally abusive, jealous

Good points: hard worker, when he is nice he is lovely, good looking,

Married 16 years together for 23. Had counselling at the start of our relationship because of his n jealousy. He doesn't show his jealousy as much now but then I don't really go anywhere without him. He is Jekyll and Hyde character.
His negative attitude and mood swings are the hardest thing to deal with. We argue a lot.
I think about us splitting up. I have good friends and family. None of them like how he treats me.
2 children not dependent on us.

I don't feel loved a d I'm falling out of love with him.

CalamityKate Mon 06-May-13 13:42:39

I don't think you can count "good looking" as a good point. That's an accident of birth rather than an actual quality.

He sounds pretty awful.

maidmarian2012 Mon 06-May-13 13:44:40

He sounds a lot like my XP.

I fell out of love with him because he was generally unpleasant to me ALL th time, calling me names like "C**t" in arguments etc.

He was a right moody git.

It was a weight off my shoulders when I asked him to leave, finally.

You must do what is in your heart OP. I think you know what to do. x

VBisme Mon 06-May-13 13:45:36

Would he maybe go back to counselling, I'd certainly be giving him warnings that his behaviour is impacting on how you feel about him.

TurnipCake Mon 06-May-13 13:47:45

You don't feel loved because he isn't loving - love is an action.

With the bad points you listed, there's no point taking the good ones into account, because nothing can make up for the things up there.

You need to show some love to yourself now, you are worthy of it

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 06-May-13 14:06:57

"He doesn't show his jealousy as much now but then I don't really go anywhere without him. He is Jekyll and Hyde character. "

I couldn't live with someone that not only made me fell bad but had so completely crushed my spirit and modified my behaviour that I had stopped having any independence. His bad points far outweigh any good ones.

Poohbearandpiglet Mon 06-May-13 14:16:09

Are your instincts/gut telling you deserve and want more from a relationship and from life?

In answer to your question, I'd leave, sorry.

TheVermiciousKnid Mon 06-May-13 14:18:28

I would leave too. Controlling and verbally abusive would be deal breakers for me, no matter how hard working, nice/lovely or good looking he is.

Whowhowhoswho Mon 06-May-13 22:21:01

No he refuses to go for counselling.

I have told him that his moody, negative attitude causes me anxiety.

I have been on medication for 6 months.

Everyone says what is wrong with your husband he is never happy

I have run out of excuses for him

Lweji Mon 06-May-13 23:15:09

I'm sure you have.

What are you going to do?

ImperialBlether Mon 06-May-13 23:21:55

Close your eyes and think how lovely life would be without him. Can you imagine that? It will be like being on holiday - that sense of freedom, of relaxing, of having fun.

You've no reason to be with him, have you? He's horrible and you don't have to live with him, so why do it?

PenelopePitstop72 Mon 06-May-13 23:25:19

Unfrotunately most men with the first set of traits, also have at least two of the second set. This is what makes it so hard to be with them, and evetually leave them. Its very confusing on you. If they only had bad points, it would be so much easier. Follow your gut. It talks sense. Be strong. You deserve to be treated well. Life is too short to settle for less.

makemineapinot Mon 06-May-13 23:30:50

He sounds like my XH sad and I will never regret overcoming the fear of leaving him. Yes it was hard and I went through many battles over money , our dc etc but oh my god, the freedom and relief was worth it. I hadn't realised quite how bad he was before I broke free! Go with your gut instinct and try to make plans for leaving if that's what you decide to do, squirrel money away, send it to someone, get your important documents such as marriage cert, birth cert, passport out the house before he knows what you are going to do. Good luck xxxxx

dreamingbohemian Mon 06-May-13 23:31:10

What's so great about those good points?

Hard worker, how does that make you happy? Good looking, not the most important thing. Nice when he can be bothered, um, not a ringing endorsement there.

I think usually people are pretty reluctant to criticise other people's spouses, so if you have actually multiple people telling you something's wrong with your husband, he's probably even worse than you think. I'm sorry.

peacefuleasyfeeling Mon 06-May-13 23:54:15

I really feel for you. You're on medication as a result of the anxiety this is causing you. You have run out of excuses for him. Ow. It is so hard when you know something isn't right and you have worked so very hard to make it work. Google "cognitive dissonance" and see if this rings any bells? Helpful observation from Penelope. Good luck.

WafflyVersatile Tue 07-May-13 01:08:22

He sounds like a STBXH to me.

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