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I still 'hate' the OW

(31 Posts)
Beebers Mon 06-May-13 08:42:32

Is that unreasonable? It's been over two and a half tears and the thought of her still makes my blood boil.

She appears to be perfectly pleasant to the DC's, the ex is clearly very happy. But I'm still alone and I can't help thinking that this woman has stolen my life.

I need to move past this as its eating me up, but every time I see her (and I try not too), she gives me this smug look and I just feel like attacking her.

Please help!

springykitsch Tue 07-May-13 16:42:06

ah, a bit of common sense ie people agree that of course you'll hate her.

There are people in my life I could hate because of what they've done (or what they've stolen, to be more precise). sometimes that hate comes over me and I am incapacitated by it. I don't go looking for it but something will trigger it. I wonder if it is hate or intense anger. I don't want to hate those people (taking poison and waiting for them to die) but I am totally justified in being intensely angry.

Perhaps find a way to express your anger safely? I went on a therapy course once where we bashed the shit out of cushions with a baseball bat. Felt silly at first but, oh my, so therapeutic. Could get all that anger out. Maybe have a go at this, or kick-boxing?

What they've done is grossly unfair and it just seems so wrong that they swan off and you're left with what looks like the bum deal. Don't be so sure. As others have said, he was cheating on her right at the start. He's not such a great catch.

springykitsch Tue 07-May-13 16:44:22

btw, I would call it 'you reap what you sow'. I absolutely believe in this now. I didn't, but I do now <nods knowingly>

Beebers Tue 07-May-13 16:44:44

I know not every ow is a bitch cat from hell and not every man is a wanker but why do two people think to destroy someone's life is acceptable? It's not, surely it's a matter of morals and conscience whether actually you feel ok about sleeping with another person when you have dc's at home and how as a woman you can do that to another woman? Anyway I guess I'll never know as i wouldnt do that all I know is it feela fucking horrible.

springykitsch Tue 07-May-13 16:47:39

Yes it is feela fucking horrible. I agree.

I don't get how anyone can actually think to be 'happy' when their relationship is built on intense pain and agony for someone else. Just don't get it.

Selfish, innit.

BerylStreep Tue 07-May-13 17:03:02

I can understand you being so angry. To quote Diana, there were 3 people in your marriage, yet only 2 of them got to make the decisions regarding the future. You didn't get a say.

Good advice here.

springykitsch Tue 07-May-13 22:21:04

I suppose I'm a great believer that you have to get the anger out before you can move on. 'moving on' prematurely actually holds you back iyswim (imo). The time will come, when the intense anger at the injustice of it all is satisfied, that you will channel your anger towards making a future for yourself. Until that time comes, it doesn't come (iyswim) - part of the healing to go through it, not around it. You can nudge it along though eg invest in yourself, really think about what you want to do and where you want to go; even if it's only want you want to do this month for example. Perhaps a bit of counselling to help you focus?

She didn't steal your future, she did you a favour - and she got the booby prize. You probably don't see it like that now, but I have no doubt you will.

Go easy on yourself and let yourself be angry. YOu have every right and imo it's the healthy response.

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