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I'm a loser.

(26 Posts)
Coffee1Sugar Mon 06-May-13 08:35:05

I'm only 25 but since having dd 3years
ago I don't go out. None of my friends have children so we've lost a lot in common. Dp (not her dad, 32) is great but has hinted that he thinks i need to get out more. It's been so long, I've lost my nerve and get panicky. Plus I don't drink. My mum has dd whilst I work full time so don't feel I can ask her to babysit and don't have any other babysitting options. Anyone else sad like me??

CockyFox Mon 06-May-13 08:39:22

I must be a bit different but the last night out I had was my 21st birthday. 9 years ago and pre -children. DH and I would rather stay in nothing sad about it.

Lweji Mon 06-May-13 08:42:00

Why does he think you should get out more?

Coffee1Sugar Mon 06-May-13 08:51:07

So that I don't regret it in years to come, seeking the opportunity and all that.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 06-May-13 08:56:10

Hmmm i'm 25 and have a 4 yo DD. I still have a lot in common with my friends and they enjoy spending time with my DD or they hide it well

I'd say a go out at least one every 2 weeks to do something like pub, cinema etc.

If you live near me i'll be your friend smile

LibertineLover Mon 06-May-13 08:57:53

do you want to go out coffee? or do you just think you should want to, because you're young?

Coffee1Sugar Mon 06-May-13 08:58:27

Ha thanks! I'm near Kingston-upon-Thames. As I don't drink I'm always the spare part of any social situation anyway.

Coffee1Sugar Mon 06-May-13 09:00:06

I guess a combination. It's my birthday next month so I'd like to but as its been so long since I've been out, I'm like a fish out of water and plus I have barely anyone to invite to come with me sad

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 06-May-13 09:01:25

Ah bummer I'm East Midlands!

Don't think of it like that. You can go out and have fun and not drink, it doesn't have to be an issue.

Go to a play group and make some 'mum' friends.

LibertineLover Mon 06-May-13 09:02:21

It's your birthday, so I'm sure your Mum wouldn't mind having DD. It would be a good opportunity to go out with your DP first,break you in gently! You don't need to drink to have a good time, especially if you go for a meal or cinema? Just enjoy the getting dressed up and going out!

Coffee1Sugar Mon 06-May-13 09:02:45

I work full time so my mum takes dd to all the playgroups etc, nothing goes on like that on a weekend.

LibertineLover Mon 06-May-13 09:05:16

I think maybe you should try and re-connect with your old friends. Maybe they go out in a group to the pub, and that's not you,so what about inviting just one out to the cinema, or for a coffee in town? Or a shopping spree with a couple of them?

It may take courage,but if you feel you're missing out, it will be worth it smile

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 06-May-13 09:13:38

Mumsnet local?

You can arrange a meet up through that.

McPrice Mon 06-May-13 09:15:21

i have 3month old and most of my mates are without children. they kinda put up with having the lil' one about. (although some have dropped off the face of the planet) i even have started to go to cafes! the problem is people are trying to tell you whats good for you. you work full time and have a little one - i bet your exhausted! social situations are different when u have a little one. only you know what you are ready and have the energy for. im not a million miles away from you tho!grin

Coffee1Sugar Mon 06-May-13 10:08:52

I'm shattered! I just want some friends (ffs epitome of loserville!). I can count on one hand the friends I have and they live miles away as I moved in December. I'd love a birthday night out, already suggested it to a couple of them but they're away - together. No invite for me, guess they just assume I can't with dd. but be nice to be acknowledged. So now I have nobody go celebrate my birthday with apart from dp, dd and my mum sad

LibertineLover Mon 06-May-13 10:27:37

Why don't you suggest you go with them? May seem a bit cheeky to you,but they could well be dead chuffed?

kalidanger Mon 06-May-13 10:58:27

Does your DP want to take you out for your birthday? Make plans with him and impose upon your mum grin Then maybe think about making plans for the future with your friends. If you've dropped off the radar I suppose they've got into the habit of assuming you're too busy etc to see them.

There's another Bank Holiday this month - plan a picnic or something? No need for tons if booze, they can go on afterwards if they want (when your DC would be tired/ready to go anyway) and you can ease back into a social life that way. Every two months, planned in advance and no pressure smile

Coffee1Sugar Mon 06-May-13 11:02:34

Nice suggestions thanks. I just feel like I don't know how to socialise anymore. I've resounded myself to a life of work, sleep and being a mum. Dp goes out though, every Thursday he plays football and goes for a boys curry then usually out either Friday or Saturday. I don't mind, use to it and he does his share round the house Nd with dd. But even though I'm use to staying in all the time, I guess it'd be nice to have a couple of girlfriends to natter to on the phone now and again.

kalidanger Mon 06-May-13 11:13:37

You do have girlfriends! When I was little my DM used to sit at the bottom of the stairs some Sumdays and talk FOR HOURS with her gfs. I thought it was a bit weird. After all, I was a kid and saw my friends every single day... But now, 30 years later (!), I have also moved cities, not had DC while my best friends have and life is very different. we have to plan, and remember each other when we're apart. we can go months without seeing each other but FB, emails and calls keep us together. I do feel bad occasionally when I realise I haven't seen one for months, but I realise and I contact them. Often just with a silly 'saw this a c thought of you' picture of a cat or something puerile.

I can understand you feeling 'shy' about contacting them, and feelings of being left out but now your DD is 3 (and presumably not BF or anything that keeps you tied to your house by a short leash) this can be tnd perfect time to reestablish your friendships smile

VitoCorleone Mon 06-May-13 11:53:54

Aw you sound like me, if i was closer if be friends with you but im up north

VitoCorleone Mon 06-May-13 11:54:19

*Id be friends with you

parisfernandez Mon 06-May-13 12:00:24

I am in the exact same situation. I have a 4 yo DD and moved miles away to be closer to where DP is from. Big mistake cos now I'm stuck with him (long different story) and im 8 months pregnant. I never leave the house. I went on maternity leave a couple of weeks ago and I'm so bored. I am shy so find it hard to socialise and i cant remember the last time I seen my friends. They haven't got kids so don't have much in common anymore and they can do whatever they want to. It doesn't bother me but some nights I'm really lonley and would love to be able to go to the cinema or for a meal with some other adults. It just doesn't happen and it can get depressing. I've started to think that there is something wrong with me and my company because nobody seems interested in arranging to meet up etc.

I'm sure it will get better at some point

LibertineLover Mon 06-May-13 12:00:43

Seriously coffee go have a gander on MN local, there's loads of Mums in your area in your position!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 06-May-13 14:14:55

You don't have to drink alcohol to have a social life. There are plenty of group activities you could participate in where alcohol doesn't feature.... sports, special interests/hobbies, community projects, learning a new skill or Further Education.

Coffee1Sugar Mon 06-May-13 18:39:40

Talked about it with dp today, shared my worries with him. He set up a birthday event on fb for me to invite his and my friends on a night out, 6 yes's so far smile

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