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do i stay or go?

(10 Posts)
Gemziewooo Sun 05-May-13 21:41:29

I am 23 years old... My partner is 34. We have been together for nearly 7 years now. We have two ypung daughters & 1 angel baby.

I have put up with so much over the years with him...alot to do with him drinking as he thinks going for a couple of pints is a priority wen he has been to work all week. Baring in mind its not just a couple its a full day session or even weekends!!

I havnt got any babysitters so everytime we go to a christening, birthday party or wedding etc i always end up coming home pn my own with kids as he wont come back. Even if its my families party.

Im starting to feel thst i am happier on my own, as he always interferes wen i am tryin to sort children. If i tell t off je tells me to shut or can even get really nasty so it makes life harder as my children dont take notice of me wen hes around. However thy r perfect wen hes out.

Iv been to christenin n all th women who were goin home their partners went with them. Me i went on my own!! Even if he did come he wud cause an argument over nothing and storm off anyway.

I feel i am treading on egg shells all the time and i feel hes always tellin me how to do things and always around me waiting to point out wen i have done summit rong.

i feel trapped!! Do i stay becos of kids as they love their dad or do i leave him?? Oviously take kids with me.

I am not happy and feel i am at that point where i feel enough is enough!! But how do i walk away?

Lweji Sun 05-May-13 22:23:23

You just do.
Gather as much support as possible and make a plan.

anunexpectedturnofevents Sun 05-May-13 22:28:13

I agree. You cannot continue to live this way. The one phrase which jumps out regardless of anything else is 'treading on eggshells' - it is so often repeated on here. It was the same in my relationship.

I left, with twice as many dcs as you have. It will be hard, but it will only get better.

bestsonever Sun 05-May-13 22:52:41

So you were sweet 16 and weren't to know the signs and he was 27 and has never matured beyond 18 it seems. Forgive yourself for having made a bad choice when young and try to move on. By all means try a meaningful ultimatum if it's change in him you require, but if his long-term shenanigans have killed the feelings you had for him anyway it may be time to call it a day.
You have plenty of time to reflect and make a better choice in the future. You are young and should either be with someone who fills your life with optimism for the future or doing it on your own terms, having plans and aspirations. Stay as things are and it's likely you will get the life sucked out of you. I wish you luck.

Flojobunny Sun 05-May-13 22:59:01

Don't stay for the kids. If you are going to stay then stay because its best for you.
Being a single parent is hard, very hard but if you have family nearby that can help then its much easier. Your DP sounds awful, he doesn't seem to have any respect for you at all. I doubt he'd change. You have been with him 7 years so another few weeks won't make any difference. Plan it well, make sure you get your finances in order and where you will live sorted before you give him any idea then if he makes it difficult for you, you can leave immediately.

PenelopePortrait Sun 05-May-13 23:15:16

This could've been me posting 15 years ago. Your P sounds exactly like my XH. I had 2 DC's. I told him to go, it was the best thing I ever did. WE never looked back, our lives improved from the day he went ( even though the police had to take him!)

And in case you are wondering - both DD and DS are eternally grateful that they didn't have to grow up with him around.

We done well smile

ElectricSheep Sun 05-May-13 23:35:52

Why do you feel trapped OP? Because you think you should stay for the kids sake? It's horrible splitting the family up, but if you aren't happy and the relationship is wrong, the DC will be picking up on that and will grow up thinking that's how relationships are. THey also won't benefit from seeing you undermined and disrespected by their father and could learn to treat you the same way .

They can still see their Dad if you think that's appropriate and he's sober Get some advice about finances and where you stand with maintenance and benefits. Make an exit plan set a date then leave.

AnyFucker Sun 05-May-13 23:44:02

Your P sounds like a nasty twat and you would do well to DTF

Gemziewooo Mon 06-May-13 01:09:12

thanks for all your comments. X

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 06-May-13 06:53:37

Yes you go. It's horrible when you're saddled with an alcohol abuser. Struck that you've been with him since age 16 and that he's nasty to you at home. Who knows anything about real life that age, let alone what to look for in a life-partner? Bet you thought originally he was just a 'life and soul' type that liked a drink... not an irresponsible bully that puts drinking before his family.

He won't change. You can.

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