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Really scared that i am going to get my baby taken away from me :/ PLEASE HELP

(9 Posts)
kandiizsweet Sun 05-May-13 15:00:21

Hello Ladies, i no this is probably something that you guys talk about on here but its something thats really worrying me and really stressing me out..kind of ruining my pregnancy in some ways too.
Basically i was in a relationship with someone who was really emotionally abusive always made me feel like crap, thats just the way he was! I ended up falling pregnant, were currently not together and havent been for a few months but its been sort of on an off due to him not understanding boundaries, iv called the police on him a few times since being pregnant due to harrassment, threatening behaviour, turning up at my flat, however nothing has been done about this by the police due to no evidence apprently these things are really hard to proove.. im not scared of my ex partner however i do feel very stressed out about his unwanted behavior i just feel like hes doing everything he can to ruin my pregnancy.. simply because he cant accept the fact that i no longer want to be with him! anyway a few weeks ago he came round again n we started arguing as usual because were literally like cat and dog we just do not get on whats so ever.. he then pulled my hair n slapped me so i called the police thinking that they would do something about this! but no! all they did was bail him for 3 weeks, but then halfway through these three weeks the police came round to my flat and said that they have taken him off bail and released him early because of unsuffiaint evidence and the CPS wont take it further regardless of how many times i have called the police on him before! my ex partner also told the police that I had been constantly been calling HIM on private number which i havent done! basically hes just trying to get me into trouble, the police said that there not going to arrest me for something like that theres just no proof, so anyway what i didint realize was that everytime u report something to the police if its a domestic they report it to social services or child protection, i never knew any of this because iv never been pregnant or had to call the police on someone before, so now i am worried that social services are going to be involved with me which is the last thing i want!!! i havent heard anything from them as off yet, but how will they know if they are invovled will they just come to the hospital when my baby is born or will they write to me or randomly come round? are they even going to get involved? my fustation is killing me especially with all the stress my ex has put me through which has made me call the police who have done nothing at all about it now social services maybe involved!!! im just like oh my god i should have never called the police in the first place all is causes is a load of crap!! the thing is if social services assess me they will see that im fine n i would be a fit parent cos i know that i can be, but my ex partner can make me look so vunerable its unreal he will make stuff up about me and just do anything he can to hurt me so im really worried that ill end up getting the baby taken away from me its just a fear because he always use to threaten me about takin the baby ever since i first got pregnant.. even tho hes caused so much stressed i want things to work out as smoothly as possible for all of us mainly for the baby! so i have sorted out some mediation for us to go to, he hasent been in contact with me for around 3 weeks now which is the longest he hasent called or contacted me in other ways for which is really good and im really happy about that, i just dont no what to do or think im so confused i still dont no weather to let me come to the birth i mean would it be spitefull not to? would that be harsh i mean it is his child but hes made me feel like utter crap for months and months we havent been to mediation yet but i reckon it might be the best thing to do. i just need someone to put my mind a rest please!! thankyouu x

LimitedEditionLady Sun 05-May-13 15:18:29

Hmmm im no expert hun but you need to calm down and stop worrying thats no good for you or the baby.
the social services wont just come and take your baby out of your arms.he doesnt live with you?so hes not being around your child 24/7,i dont know the full story but if hes not with you and you are a stable person why would anyone take the baby?they dont do.it unless its needed.do not let him move in your house,put your child first.if he causes you stress dont have him at the birth.you need calm,its your choice.if hed kick.off you dontvwant hospital staff dealing with him.if you stayed in this relationship id be concerned about the babys welfare and then id worry about ss getting involved.its not worth it he can still be a dad and not with you.

MediumOrchid Sun 05-May-13 15:21:46

Please don't worry, no-one will take your baby. If Social services get involved it would only be to make sure that you and your baby are safe from your ex.

LimitedEditionLady Sun 05-May-13 15:21:59

All the baby needs is a safe happy home and a happy mummy and if theres a daddy he needs to be a good role model.being good parents is also knowing when its time to call it a day as a couple.

LimitedEditionLady Sun 05-May-13 15:24:33

Also in my opinion if he cant treat you right in front of your child he needs to stay away.you call the shots now.just concentrate on getting ready for the baby and looking after yourself.and good luck and congratulations xx

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 05-May-13 16:17:13

Agreeing with all of the above. Plus I'd recommend you have a chat to Womens Aid about how best to keep this man away from you and how to get a better response out of the local police. It could be that you need to call the non-emergency number '101' and arrange to have a conversation with the DV unit officer about how best to keep yourself safe and away from him. The 'on and off' thing you mentioned at the start, for example... that has to stop. It's fantastic that he's left you alone for three weeks. However, if he calls round and you invite him into your home where he can verbally abuse you (and your baby in due course) that wouldn't look good.

ElectricSheep Sun 05-May-13 16:19:29

They will take your baby off you if you stay with a violent man not if you are apart.

The police inform SS in case you got back together or he had access and was violent towards the child. It is to protect you and baby, not to remove the baby.

Mediation might be a good way to sort out access arrangements. For a baby (particularly if breast fed) that is likely to be something like half an hour's visit once a week until the baby is old enough to be away from you for longer periods.

You did the right thing calling the police. Now your X knows you will take action if he is violent and will not tolerate it happening again. Ring the police again if you need to. Also don't feel you have to have him there at the birth if you don't want to. You need to put your own needs first at this time.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 05-May-13 16:29:38

Stuff access arrangements.... the OP doesn't need this violent shit anywhere near either herself or her baby. Register your baby's birth solo OP, keep him/her close and if this bully really wants to spend time and money fighting for access (which I seriously doubt), let him chase you through the courts. Then all those times you called the police will come in very handy.

NotTreadingGrapes Sun 05-May-13 17:19:33

Listen to Cog op. Nobody is going to take the baby but you need to take steps to get this man out of your life.

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