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SIL hates my niece. WWYD?

(85 Posts)
AdmiralData Sat 04-May-13 22:12:17

My DB is 31, has a little girl (My DNiece 5) from previous marriage. DB also has little girl (18 months) with his partner of 4 years. I will call her SIL, SIL adored my niece (5) and treated my niece better than her biological mother. She truly seemed to dote on my niece. My DB then decided to have a baby with SIL (DNiece 18 months) as it seemed that they were ready to add to their little family.
Since the day my DNiece (18 months) was born SIL has acted like my DNiece (5) does not exist, and at best treats her as a though she is a PITA and major inconvenience. To the point where she was brushing DNiece (18 months) hair, so DNiece (5) wanted to be involved and asked if she could have her hair done next and SIL just said 'No'. As small as that seems its other little things like not involving DNiece (5) in games with her half sister. She is even trying to exclude her from major family events.

Things have come to a head as SIL has stated that she loves Sundays and cannot wait for my DB to take DNiece (5) home after her weekend stays and she looks forward to it more than anything else.

I am gutted. For my DB and my DNiece (5) as everything seemed perfect and happy until SIL changed her tune so massively. My DB doesn't know what to do for the best as he doesn't want 2 children from 2 broken relationships. He confides in me and cannot seem to find a positive solution to this mess.

I also want to point out that DNiece (5) is an absolute angel all of the time. Even if she was not surely no child would ever merit this treatment?


(Apologies for long post)

DontmindifIdo Tue 28-May-13 21:39:46

well good for your DN1, and probably good for DB, but his poor youngest. sad

AdmiralData Tue 28-May-13 22:39:06

He is gutted at having two daughters from two broken relationships but realises he has to put both girls first. I am absolutely dying to pull the bitch up on her behaviour but worry that she will make things awkward access wise for DB. He has a new house he is moving into shortly, he is giving everything to SIL for his DD's sake.
She will let him see his DD every other weekend for one overnight stay and he can do bedtimes in the week if he wants :s
Think this may require legal action.

Thumbwitch Wed 29-May-13 02:23:18

I am sorry for your brother that it had to come to that but I admire him for doing it and standing up for BOTH of his daughters.

His stbxW2 will doubtless blame your elder niece for this though - chances of her realising it is her fault are, I would say, next to none. sad

I hope that your brother manages to have his DDs together, so that they can preserve their bond as sisters.

Blatherskite Wed 29-May-13 11:12:07

Good on your Brother!

Despite being full siblings, my father made it abundantly clear that he hated me but loved the others and it has screwed me up for life. It is very damaging for a child. Hopefully, now Evil SIL has gone, your Brother has a chance to undo the damage already done.

AdmiralData Thu 30-May-13 20:34:12

I worried that my DN(5) would actually be left damaged from evil SIL but she seems more like her usual sunny self now smile Weekends with my DB will also mean weekends with me so hopefully we can both ensure that she doesn't suffer any lasting long term damage. Cheers for the responses all.

Jux Thu 30-May-13 21:38:45

Hooray! 18m is a long time in her life, but it wasn't every day, so she is unlikely to be permanently scarred by it. She may not even remember it very much given a few years. A massive plus is that steps were taken to protect her, and she will understand when she's a lot older that her dad thought she was worth the sacrifice.

Merrin Fri 31-May-13 09:21:49

She sounds so nasty, as if she was just pretending to love your DN before she got pregnant.

Just a thought, although it seems unlikely, could this be some kind of Post Natal breakdown? PND or one of the more unusual conditions? The timing fits.

I think its unlikely but just a thought.

Jux Fri 31-May-13 09:42:04

Didn't the nastiness start while she was pg, though, merrin?

Merrin Fri 31-May-13 11:24:27

Yes, some of the conditions do though. There is a hospital near us that specialises in psychosis and some of the conditions result in very extreme, irrational and upsetting behaviour.

Not trying to excuse her, she sounds vile, just wondered if there was a link. Someone up thread had a similar situation as a child and I think this sort of behaviour is more often a choice. So sad for the children.

forehead Fri 31-May-13 17:18:22

Thank God for that.

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