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SIL hates my niece. WWYD?

(85 Posts)
AdmiralData Sat 04-May-13 22:12:17

My DB is 31, has a little girl (My DNiece 5) from previous marriage. DB also has little girl (18 months) with his partner of 4 years. I will call her SIL, SIL adored my niece (5) and treated my niece better than her biological mother. She truly seemed to dote on my niece. My DB then decided to have a baby with SIL (DNiece 18 months) as it seemed that they were ready to add to their little family.
Since the day my DNiece (18 months) was born SIL has acted like my DNiece (5) does not exist, and at best treats her as a though she is a PITA and major inconvenience. To the point where she was brushing DNiece (18 months) hair, so DNiece (5) wanted to be involved and asked if she could have her hair done next and SIL just said 'No'. As small as that seems its other little things like not involving DNiece (5) in games with her half sister. She is even trying to exclude her from major family events.

Things have come to a head as SIL has stated that she loves Sundays and cannot wait for my DB to take DNiece (5) home after her weekend stays and she looks forward to it more than anything else.

I am gutted. For my DB and my DNiece (5) as everything seemed perfect and happy until SIL changed her tune so massively. My DB doesn't know what to do for the best as he doesn't want 2 children from 2 broken relationships. He confides in me and cannot seem to find a positive solution to this mess.

I also want to point out that DNiece (5) is an absolute angel all of the time. Even if she was not surely no child would ever merit this treatment?


(Apologies for long post)

AdmiralData Sun 05-May-13 10:44:12

My DN(5) looks like her mum not my brother but that didnt seem to be a problem when my SIL was 'adoring' her before. My DN (18 months) seems imo to get ALOT more attention than my DN (5). (Not from my brother but from SIL family who ARE involved - they all have a close relationship with SIL.). My SIL hasn't done night feeds, woken up in the mornings with DN (18 months) either, it has all been down to my brother even on the weekends. It's all a mess.

WouldBeHarrietVane Sun 05-May-13 14:05:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdmiralData Sun 05-May-13 19:56:13

I saw my DB today with SIL and the two girls. I promised DN (5) chocolate frogs for her extra hard work in school and a certificate she had for it. She had mentioned last weekend that she'd like to share some chocolate frogs with DN (18 months). I told SIL I was nipping across the road with DN (5) to get the frogs that she wanted and she glared at me and said 'That's cheeky isn't it?'. FFS she's a five year old little girl who wanted chocolate!!! I realise how much of a twat that makes me sound pointing out one comment but it's her whole tone and attitude with my DN. She has started homing in on me now too, calling me DH the 'bitch of the house'. WTAF???

Rant over.

fuzzpig Sun 05-May-13 20:00:47

FFS sad

Fwiw you sound like a lovely aunt thanks

tribpot Sun 05-May-13 20:02:39

It sounds like she might be trying to alienate you in order to isolate your DB from a source of support / reason.

I notice the plan discussed yesterday, of your DB seeing the girls at your house without the SIL did not come off. Do you know why that is?

AdmiralData Sun 05-May-13 20:13:11

I think she insisted tribpot. I will ask my brother via text shortly though. I asked him why DN isn't spending an extra day with him as its a bank holiday weekend (and DN mum who is pregnant and is in hospital) but he said 'Sis she cant stand having her over for one night let alone two'.
It's breaking my brothers heart and I am shitting myself thinking that DN (5) is picking up on all of this.
TY fuzzpig

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 05-May-13 20:14:21

Oh what an awful situation. You sound amazing smile

sad She sounds like a total bitch. She may have had a plan, manipulated your DB into thinking she's nice and then her true colours have shone like shite.

That poor little girl, thank God she has DB and you in her corner.

tribpot Sun 05-May-13 20:15:58

So where the hell is she going if her mum is in hospital?

Your brother needs his own house, where he can set his own rules. Never mind breaking his heart, he needs to act.

He should get out of there. She's unstable at best.

AdmiralData Sun 05-May-13 20:19:53

It is my brothers house, DN (5) will be staying with her gran as she lives very close to DN school. Her mum will be leaving hospital soon, she has hyperemesis gravidarum. (Excuse the spelling).
I am going to tell my brother that he has had this weekend to think but something has to be done now as a little girl is stuck in the middle of this bullshit.

ChelseaKnows1 Sun 05-May-13 20:24:46

I've been in the situation your niece is in and it was horrific. When my dad remarried, his wife was the best step mum I could of asked for. When my younger brother came along she was really nasty to me. I can remember this clearly and I was 7. My dad tried to stop her from treating me bad (in front of him) but she was clever and would wait until he was out before saying/doing things to me. Being in those situations really messes with your head, especially when you start to think maybe it's my fault she is acting this way?

I think it's an awful situation to be in and I'm pleased your niece has you and her dad. I think your niece will eventually pick up on this unless her dad sorts it out once and for all.

My dad divorced his ex wife after discovering her affair. Not because of the years of emotional, psychological and physical abuse I endured.

Good for you.

fuzzpig Sun 05-May-13 20:29:40

I think your brother needs to think about how he will be able to protect his right to see his youngest in the event of a split TBH. I'd bet if they split she would try her best to prevent him seeing her.

Dozer Sun 05-May-13 20:31:15

Your brother needs to week legal advice about access to his DD2, it's obvious that he should leave his relationship and put his DD1 first, but his partner might make access difficult.

Dozer Sun 05-May-13 20:31:47

Fuzzpig, cross post with same worry! sad

AdmiralData Sun 05-May-13 20:42:02

I don't think she would try to stop my DB seeing his DD2 tbh, it's just a feeling I have but I could be wrong. I think I am royally pissed on behalf of my DN (5) because as I say the same thing happened to me and it fucked with my head for a very long time. She's such a loving little girl, it makes me physically sick.
DB has just stated that he will not be having DN(5) over to stay in the house around SIL until things are sorted, he will however be seeing her on weekends minus SIL and we'll have to hope she questions why she no longer gets family time with my DB and her DD ... it's because he has to go and see my DN(5) elsewhere!

AdmiralData Sun 05-May-13 20:43:23

Have also just had text off brother saying SIL wants to cancel their payed for holiday as she'd rather not go at all than have DN(5) going with them sad apparently DB tried to put his foot down and say 'tough she is coming'. FGS.

tribpot Sun 05-May-13 20:43:50

I'd imagine the SIL is going to retaliate by keeping the two sisters apart, i.e. dd2 will not be able to visit you when dd1 is there.

tribpot Sun 05-May-13 20:45:33

x-posts. Good. The last thing the older girl needs a holiday with this woman - I hope your bro goes ahead with the holiday just for him and his dd1. This is a tactic which will be much harder to use when his dd2 is older, so he might as well do it now and assert himself.

AdmiralData Sun 05-May-13 20:54:18

I'm glad he did try to assert himself but think he needs to do it where it matters, ie, STOP MISTREATING MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH.

I am sorry for the rants but who the fuck does this to a kid??? She is a mother herself and if DB had a new partner who behaved like this toward her DD she would go batshit.

pictish Sun 05-May-13 20:54:53

Well she sounds alike a grade A asshole.

Your poor brother.

Oh heck it's all hitting the fan now isn't it.

AbbyLou Sun 05-May-13 21:07:54

What an awful situation, your poor niece. Thank goodness she has such a lovely Aunty in you. The bit you said about the holiday made me so sad. Your sil is not even trying to hide her feelings is she. Has you brother ased her what it is about his daughter that she finds so awful?

KnitFastDieWarm Sun 05-May-13 21:23:12

What a nasty piece of work she is angry
And how lucky your niece is to have an auntie like you. Just reading this makes me want to cuddle the poor wee mite.

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