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Why do I still feel so jealous/resentful of my dad's newish relationship?

(4 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Sat 04-May-13 21:36:08

I am going to sound like a prick but here goes:

My mum died of cancer about 2.5 years ago. I introduced him to a family friend 5 months after mum's death and they have been together ever since. I have found their relationship hard to accept for one or two reasons: It was so soon after mum's death. She is a close friend of mine and I rather thought she would wait.
I know this sounds stupid but I have been through a break up and it really bothers me to see them so lovey dovey all teh time. I have no idea why. I think it is because he dosn't really seem to be able to support me through my heart break. I have had the pair of them come round together and tell me (together) how I should not be feeling crap about my heart break. Am I being a monster. My resentfulness is coming out when all I really want to say is 'I'm happy you found love but I still need my dad and would quite like him to myself once in a while.' Yes I know..I am selfish. And she is lovely but she does try and tell me that I shouldn't be feeling x y and z. Mum was rubbish with my pain but I just want a hug or something. Not just a lot of crap about how I shouldn't be upset while they laugh and giggle away about how happy they are. Trouble is I do want dad to be happy so why teh jealousy?

Grinkly Sat 04-May-13 23:21:21

You've explained everything in your post and your feelings are completely understandable. It would be lovely if you had a caring Dad to turn to right now. Sadly he is too wrapped up in his new relationship.

Maybe you could say something to the family friend about your feelings, she might be more understanding than he is, though not a criticism, just have a go at explaining how upset you are at the break up and with your mother gone have no one to turn to, or something. Then they might both be more considerate.

superstarheartbreaker Sun 05-May-13 01:44:06

I must point out that the family friend IS his new dp. I have no idea why I'm so upset about it really as they are a lovely couple but yes, very wrapped up and it annoys me.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 05-May-13 06:58:56

If you're having a tough time and need support, have you actually said that to your Dad specifically? Is he the kind of Dad that is good with other people's emotional problems? Would he have done that for you in the past?

He's in a new relationship and it's normal for someone in that situation to be all tied up with their partner. If you're just coming across as resentful of their happiness and generally negative rather than articulating - positively - what it is you actually want from him, then I can see why they're upset.

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