Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Do you think I am boring

(63 Posts)
Dontspeak Sat 04-May-13 16:53:43

I am quite happy sitting in on a Saturday night watching tv but my oh feels it necessary to go out socialising fri, sat and sun night. When I say I don't fancy going anywhere he says I'm boring and we end up having a row. Then end up going out anyway.
He has been working today and now in the pub. If he has more than 3 pints he starts nit picking with me.
We are supposed to be going to a 50th birthday of someone he has recently met. They are all big drinkers, I don't drink at all and don't like my oh when he has had 2 much to drink.
I don't want to go.
We are both mid 40s. Am I being boring

Branleuse Mon 06-May-13 18:56:07

if he is bored of you, that doesnt make YOU boring. you have grown apart.
I would hate to socialise 3 nights a week. could potentially cope with one. Dont you find it boring that he pisses off out all the time?

LimitedEditionLady Mon 06-May-13 18:42:52

Do drunk people irritate you?i get really impatient with it.amd i also dont get why people want to spend so much money on a drink?and also are they really that thirsty?if they got a lemonade would they need ten lemonades?

cupcake78 Mon 06-May-13 18:38:38

Your not boring! Infact I would find you significantly more interesting than your 'I need a drink and others to have a good time' dh.

The older I get (35) I am beginning to lose respect for people who have the attitude of 'your boring if you don't drink yourself stupid' brigade. Personally I can think of nothing worse than going out and drinking every weekend. I haven't been drunk for the last 18 months out of choice because I don't like the person it turns me into or the after effects.

There is so much more to life than pubs and drinking.

LimitedEditionLady Mon 06-May-13 18:26:18

What is wrong with people? So how is saying his lady bad? In fact dont tell me because its stupid.

Chubfuddler Mon 06-May-13 16:52:14

hmm at "his lady".

Perhaps you should try putting a ribbon in your hair before he comes home op.

Lizzabadger Mon 06-May-13 16:05:14

He sounds like a nasty bully. I'd leave him, personally.

LimitedEditionLady Mon 06-May-13 15:42:47

Do you think your husband is upset because he wants you to go as a couple?will people ask where you are if you dont go places with him?there have been times my oh wouldnt come places with me and you do get a lot of "wheres your oh?".had your anxiety stopped you going to these things before and he wishes you were there together? My oh gets really drunk when i dont go out with him buts its like he doesnt know what to do except be a bit ott on the drink and get mashed.perhaps he sees others out in couples and wishes his lady was with him?
Doesnt mean youre boring cos i like just having a meal and i dont drink but i still have just go along a bit more to things if you feel up to it but make sure you and him do things that you want to aswell and more times let it be something you want to do!

Dontspeak Mon 06-May-13 11:18:54

Thank you for the replies.

If I wasn't the one posting my reply would be the same. When you are living it you question everything.
Did it really happen like that?

Whatalotofpiffle Sun 05-May-13 23:38:45

My ex was like that and I am like you. Not boring at all and ex is now ex as I realised how actually fantastic I was! Ha ha

bestsonever Sun 05-May-13 23:34:26

22 years, how many more? Lots until you see the light. How may of these 22 years have you been waiting for him to change? There is no advice that will make him change, you can however, alter what you do about it.
You could start by doing what you want and ignore his reaction to it as you don't have to justify what you do, you don't have to force him to do things with you and you don't have to keep the piece by doing his thing -all choices you can make. Say nothing,silence can speak volumes, just do your own thing, takes two to argue. You don't have to play his game anymore.

AnyFucker Sun 05-May-13 23:30:30

Your oh sounds like a nasty twat and you would do well to DTF

EvenBetter Sun 05-May-13 23:21:29

Head over to the Emotional Abuse thread to get your eyes opened. He is consistent in that he is consistently drunk, sulky, hostile, rude and disrespectful and then behaves in a barely civil manner (tea! Wow what a charmer). After 2decades of this drudgery you've normalised it and sadly so will your son sad

Dontspeak Sun 05-May-13 23:12:39

I work from home but it is not regular income. We don't have joint accounts so actually I don't have access to money.
I have a credit card for groceries and petrol that he pays off.
We are not short of money.
He is jealous and insecure. I used to be outgoing. We have been together 22 years.
His moods are the biggest problem for me. I have told him. He is very negative.
I am walking on eggshells but like I said earlier it isn't consistent. Then I doubt myself

2rebecca Sun 05-May-13 22:37:58

You both sound as though you have different interests and want different things from life. He sounds as though he has an alcohol problem. You sound as though you are using mental health issues as a reason to stay with a bloke whose company you no longer enjoy. You may find you're less anxious if you're not putting up with his alcoholic strops. Your son is now an adult, you have a job so I presume have some money you could live on. You can't change your partner, he'll continue to be a bloke who likes to drink alot and socialise with others like him but want to drag you along to bolster his image.
You either continue as you are, stay living with him but refuse to go to events you don't enjoy and tell him to go alone, or discuss separation.
If you've only had anxiety and panic attacks for 2 years it should be treatable with CBT. You won't get your confidence back by allowing yourself to be bullied. You're an adult, you don't have to go out if you don't want to. If he wants to go out you aren't stopping him, why is he so reluctant to go alone? His desire to make you miserable by dragging you along just sounds controlling and sadistic.

2712 Sun 05-May-13 21:57:44

YOU are not boring!
My DH was exactly the same. Not the drinking so much as always wanting me to do stuff he enjoyed. HE loved the soaps.....I despised them so we never watched tv together. Apparantly that made me boring as EVERYBODY loves and watches the soaps.
I became bored with listening to the same old pop music on the radio and started listening to radio 4......apparantly that made me boring old fart.
Every New Years Eve we all stayed up till midnight to see Big Ben on tv (3 yound DCs) and every year he sighed and moaned that all "normal" people were out in the pub or at parties celebrating whilst he was stuck at home with us.
Get rid of him asap as he is the boring one, not you. Follow your interests and stop trying to appease this arse.

Chubfuddler Sun 05-May-13 21:39:33

Of course it isn't consistent. If he was a cunt every minute of every day you'd have shipped out long ago. It's called the cycle of abuse.

Dontspeak Sun 05-May-13 21:37:21

The thing is it isn't consistent.

Yesterday he was swearing at me and today he brings me cup of tea in bed and is good morning darling how did you sleep?

I am finding myself snapping at him.
He has been in the pub for 2 hours this afternoon before meeting friends for a meal this evening.
He is now snoring and farting on the sofa next to me. Oh joy

Chubfuddler Sun 05-May-13 21:30:50

You don't need courage to leave. It's staying in a relationship like this that needs inhuman reserves of courage. Leaving is a cake walk compared to the cognitive dissonance you're pulling off daily.

Dontspeak Sun 05-May-13 21:20:09

So today I suggested we go for marriage counselling together. He said absolutely no way would he go.
I spoke to our 18 year old today about all the arguments he has heard.
I hate that he is being involved. And I know I have involved him by asking his opinion. And of course he doesn't want to be disloyal to either of us. But it's so frustrating. I feel as if I am banging my head against a wall.
I haven't the courage to leave.
I am not sleeping. I know it's making my anxiety worse.
I just wish I knew what to do

ilovewoody Sun 05-May-13 09:30:53

My exH was exactly like this. Only ever wanted to do things that involved drink and didn't care one bit that I wanted to do different things. Even if I managed to persuade him to go out for a nice meal he would get as drunk as he possible could by drinking lots of wine then a liqueur then a " nightcap" just so he could throw as much down his neck as possible.

He was a horrible, aggressive drunk. 3 years ago I had enough and left him. Best thing I ever did. No need to stay with a crap man.

You deserve better than him. Even being on your own is better than that. Good luck x

ZaraW Sun 05-May-13 08:09:11

I don't think you are boring at all either. Can you join a group so that you can explore your own interests and go out with him say once a week. Doesn't seem fair that he is not willing to share your own likes.

LemonPeculiarJones Sun 05-May-13 07:56:21

Yeah nehru, all his abusiveness which causes her anxiety issues - sod that, right? She should just be more fun! hmm


Thisisaeuphemism Sun 05-May-13 07:49:44

How about a visit to a solicitor? Check out the Cba website?

This is about him being a bully, not you liking to do different things. You don't have to put up with this.

Nehru Sun 05-May-13 07:41:05

I think you sound a bit boring tbh. Why can't you just go for a bit ?
At least he wants you there to be with him. Threads like this are normally "he never goes out with me" etc

ChasingStaplers Sun 05-May-13 04:11:52

I'm afraid wafflyversatile is probably right. My anxiety issues were due to being with a controlling/abusive man and I lost all confidence in my ability to do/cope with anything (apparently I was crap at everything, no one liked me, i was a 'nutter' or a 'psychopath' if I questioned him and I wasn't fit to look after the children. The only reason I struggled was because of him!)

If I were you OP I'd start thinking about what you want and how to make yourself happy.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now