I have been living with my OH for 18 months. Our relationship is fraught because we're both feisty. I don't have any children, he has three teenagers who live with us half the time. We get on well and OH says I haven't put a foot wrong with them.
Recently OH had been in a stroppy mood all week and wouldn't let his youngest son have friends over to camp out because it was too short notice. In front of his son he asked me what I thought and I suggested they try to find a middle ground. Not backing him up annoyed him and OH turned on me. His anger quickly escalated and he started yelling abuse at me in front of the children. I yelled back. His eldest son tried to get him to back off but he'd lost it. When OH was out of the room his eldest gave me a hug, which OH walked in on. Furious, he told his son he didn't know why he was siding with me because I'm always complaining about the children. My turn to be incensed. I can't tell you how wide of the mark that is. I sometimes grumble about mess but I would go out of my way forthem and have never said a bad word about them to anyone. I told the children it wasn't true but OH persisted saying I was always moaning about them. To shut him up I slapped him. While I was comforting his youngest son, who was tearful because he felt it was all his fault, OH followed me and repeated it again, and I slapped him again.
I am depressed to hell by our destructive behaviour. I've apologised to the children but I feel embarrassed and awkward. OH says I'm a domestic abuser but I feel betrayed by him for driving a wedge between me and them. Whatever anger he felt towards me, why would he hurt their feelings to get at me?
We have had furious rows before and I have suggested counselling but OH says I cause his anger. Involving the children feels as if boundaries have been crossed and the genie is out of the bottle. I apologised to OH but he doesn't think he's got anything to apologise to me for. I feel as if I am now gagged because I can't trust him. Am I seeing it from one perpective to say I feel disgusted by him?
Disgusting behaviour. I am so sad for those poor DCs. If I was their mother I would not be allowing them back in your house. This isn't a relationship, it's a sick, twisted mess. You two are not feisty, OP, you are dysfunctional.
Leave and get some help so that you learn how to have a healthy relationship.
18 months is not time. I think it's time to move on for both of you. It's not a good relationship, and I don't think it could be. You don't seem to sing form that same hymn sheet to me. Not good. I do feel for his dc though.
I understand enough about that incident to know I will never raise my hand again. As I said initially, I asked OH to go to counselling with me to address how we resolve differences without rowing. If he won't then we have no future.