Am I being abused?
Verbal Abuse A wonderfully non-hysterical summary. If you're unsure, read the whole page and see if you're on it.
Emotional abuse from the same site as above
Emotional abuse a more heartfelt description
a check list Use this site for some concise diagnostic lists and support
Signs of Abuse & Control Useful check list
why financial abuse is domestic violenceAre you a free ride for a cocklodger, or supposed to act grateful for every penny you get for running the home?
Women's Aid: "What is Domestic Violence?" This is also, broadly, the Police definition.
20 signs you're with a controlling and/or abusive partner Exactly what it says on the tin
Books :
"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft - The eye-opener. Read this if you read nothing else.
"The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans ? He wants power OVER you and gets angry when you prove not to be the dream woman who lives only in his head.
"The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?" by Patricia Evans - Answer: Perhaps - ONLY IF he recognises HIS issues, and if you can be arsed to work through it. She gives explicit guidelines.
"Men who hate women and the women who love them" by Susan Forward. The author is a psychotherapist who realised her own marriage was abusive, so she's invested in helping you understand yourself just as much as helping you understand your abusive partner.
"The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing" by Beverley Engels - The principle is sound, if your partner isn't basically an arse, or disordered.
"Codependent No More : How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie - If you a rescuer, you're a co-dependent. It's a form of addiction! This book will help you.
But whatever you do, don't blame yourself for being Co-dependent!
Websites :
So, you're in love with a narcissist - Snarky, witty, angry, but also highly intelligent: very good for catharsis
Dr Irene's verbal abuse site - motherly advice to readers' write-ins from a caring psychotherapist; can be a pain to navigate but very validating stuff
Out of the fog - and now for the science bit! Clinical, dispassionate, and very informative website on the various forms of personality disorders and how they impact on family and intimate relationships.
Get your angries out ? You may not realise it yet, but you ARE angry. Find out in what unhealthy ways your anger is expressing itself. It has probably led you to staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Melanie Tonia Evans is a woman who turned her recovery from abuse into a business. A little bit "woo" and product placement-tastic, but does contain a lot of useful articles.
Love fraud - another site by one woman burned by an abusive marriage
You are not crazy - one woman's experience. She actually has recordings of her and her abusive partner having an argument, so you can hear what verbal abuse sounds like. A pain to navigate, but well worth it.
Baggage reclaim - Part advice column, part blog on the many forms of shitty relationships.
heart to heart a wealth of information and personal experiences drawn together in one place
what couples therapy does for abusers
If you find that he really wants to change
should I stay or should I go bonus materials this is a site containing the material for men who want to change?please don?t give him the link?print out the content for him to work through.
The Bill of Rights
bill of rights here is what you should expect as a starting point for your treatment in a relationship, as you will of course be treating others!!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
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Relationships
Support thread for those in emotionally abusive relationships...coming of age:21
foolonthehill · 04/05/2013 11:49
currently. some in some out. i am out. your situation sounds v similar to mine. as in i got a but erratic and shouted.
welcome 
although sorry you find yourself needing this thread.
will post more later. now is my for hours of freedom for the wk 
the above re trust. that is not the same as having no boundaries is it? 
maybe i am an idiot.
it does take time. we are here for you and each other and anyone else who needs it though. 
fool for new thread.
currently, yes, I recognise what you are saying, I used to feel very pressured and panic, sometimes feeling I just wanted to scream, and it took me a long time to unpick what was going on because it happened gradually from an occasional feeling to frequent. I definitely thought it was me, or circumstances, or not being organised enough, till I started using techniques to manage the panic and could feel the provocation from him but didn't respond, and he would press some more. It is very hard to explain. I will try later, at the moment I am cleaning before dcs get back.
Yep same thing here, angry when together. It really helped me speaking to a schoolfriend at the time, she had been in a bad relationship and said it changed her for the worse and made her feel aggrieved all the time, actually a culmination of things people said helped me end it. I think I thought I couldn't live without him at the time so it was really scary.
Yes he's fine, I'd really like him to have a happy life.
You have done really well, seems like you have been very self-evaluative and changed your thought and behaviour patterns. I'm still in the early stages of this 
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