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Unhelpful husband doing favour for younger more junior female colleague...

(24 Posts)
EvaB7 Sat 04-May-13 07:53:29

Just posting here as I would like to get some other perspectives. My husband is a pretty unhelpful selfish person who pretty much never does anything out of the kindness of his heart, harsh but fair. For example although I tidy the house he doesn’t even mow the lawn and I resort to doing it as I have given up asking him. If I didn’t do it, we would have a meadow in the front garden. I work full time and struggle to do everything, particularly the garden. I have in the past employed a gardener who he was so horrible to, the man never returned.

My husband never offers to help me with anything, as background context. Anyhow he has a new female more junior colleague at work and they went on training together the past 2 days. All I hear about after the 2nd day is this lady’s name and how he keeps going on about her. I ignore it, then he mentions that this lady asked someone to take her folder home for her for the weekend since she was going away for a hen weekend. As background she is 25, my husband 34, I am 37. He had left his stuff in the hall and I was tidying it to another room and noticed this woman’s name on a huge folder in his bag. I was really annoyed that he has lugged this young lady’s heavy folder around, we live 1.5 hours from where they had the course, he had to take it on the tube and train so considerably putting himself out. I am pretty confident he wouldn't have done it if it was some 50 year old man who asked. Would other people be annoyed/concerned about this or am I over reacting?

Thumbwitch Sat 04-May-13 07:55:07

I'd take it as a first warning sign that he's showing rather more interest in her than he should be. But that doesn't mean anything will come of it.

AKissIsNotAContract Sat 04-May-13 07:56:22

Your husband sounds vile. Leaving aside the folder issue, why are you with him?

newbiefrugalgal Sat 04-May-13 07:57:27

Shirley glass -not just friends.
Not saying it is but keep an eye out.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 04-May-13 07:58:32

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.... You're not overreacting. I think this weekend you're going to find him a LOT of extra stuff to do around the house and, if he gets awkward about it, that's when you point out that he doesn't appear to find it difficult doing things for Little Miss Heavy Folder....

BTW... why were you tidying away the stuff he'd left in the hall? His job, surely?

tribpot Sat 04-May-13 08:08:04

He sounds like a shit husband, to be honest. If he won't do a household job he has no right to interfere with the person you got to do it. I think you're focusing on the wrong problem.

Yakare Sat 04-May-13 08:09:55

Agree with tribpot

In your shoes, I'd be hoping he was having an affair. She might take him off your hands, although I pity her if she does.

NotTreadingGrapes Sat 04-May-13 08:11:43

Bridget Jones would call it mentionitis I believe.

Tell us more about him when he's not being a gentleman and helping out young whippersnapper colleagues carry their heavy books. Bless.

Snog Sat 04-May-13 08:11:57

Why are you with this man?

EvaB7 Sat 04-May-13 08:12:57

Thank you all for responding, my husband always try to dress things up as me being jealous so it is really useful to know I'm not being unreasonable. He always leaves his stuff all over the place in a mess so I tend to end up moving things. He does some jobs at home, like the bins and loading the dishwasher. He’d never though for example offer to do anything nice for me and certainly doesn’t offer to help other people usually either. I also do way too much for him, take him to and from the station every day so I am going to initiate some changes and look after myself for a change. He can take the car to work from now on, he doesn’t like to as he prefers to have his chauffeur and doesn’t want to spend £6 a day parking but sod it. Tuesday when he has to take the heavy folder back to his new special friend, he’s getting the bus or can drive himself.

AThingInYourLife Sat 04-May-13 08:13:10

He sounds vile.

The fact that he is clearly after this woman is the least of your problems.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 04-May-13 08:15:32

Time for a massive row isn't it?.... He's got comfortable, lazy, selfish, contemptuous takes you for granted, and probably just spent the last few days either fantasising about or shagging Little Miss Heavy Folder... You're not jealous or unreasonable.

raisah Sat 04-May-13 08:22:21

Do you have children? If not, then use his selfishness as a good reason to escape. You do not want to have kids with somebody so selfish and he is clearly capable of helpinf. He chooses not to help you, fast forward 30 years & imagine what he is going to be like as a 64 yr old man if he is like this now.

babyhammock Sat 04-May-13 08:28:46

Seriously start making plans to leave him. Take the view that this colleague is more than welcome to him..though I very much doubt she's remotely interested x

WishIdbeenatigermum Sat 04-May-13 08:31:46

Carrying a folder for someone else is no biggie. The no sharing of household tasks and general uncaring ness towards you is.
I drive dh to the station and then go home and then to work. DH and I chatter, he always says thank you and then texts to say thank you again- sometimes I moan about going out for him in the evening and he buses back. That's a good relationship. Why are you with him OP?

EuroShaggleton Sat 04-May-13 08:34:38

I don't think taking a folder for someone is a big deal at all, but in general he sounds like a prick and you are clearly not happy in the relationship, so why are you with him? The mentionitis does ring alarm bells. It sounds like he has a bit of a crush on her.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 04-May-13 08:39:14


Think this Little Miss Heavy Folder person has caught his eye but this is
just another symptom of the underlying and real problem here - your H and how he is with you.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. I noticed that you did
not actually answer why you are actually still with your selfish H.
Are you hoping against hope that he will somehow have an epiphany and change?.

worley Sat 04-May-13 08:48:43

my ex would never mow the lawn, walk the dog, help with the dc... and yet a colleague at his work he helped her move house (when we mived he couldnt take a day off my patents had to help me) he helped paint her house and cut her conifers back (i had to do that my self to ours) he helped her as her dh had left a he had an affair.... so i was told.
yep my do was having an affair with her.. abd when he wouldnt leave me she took it upon herself to tell me what was going on.
be aware op

ageofgrandillusion Sat 04-May-13 10:19:56

What a vile man. The being horrible to the Gardner thing struck a chord with me. Is he often horrible to other people? What's the attraction OP? Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Leavenheath Sat 04-May-13 14:44:00

Hold the front page.

Selfish, lazy man in affair shocker

This is just the law of natural consequences isn't it?

Meanwhile, Little Miss Heavy Folder is probably either waxing lyrical to her mates about what a kind, thoughtful, sweet man she's just met, or is laughing at the sad sack who's been making doe eyes to her on the course. Hopefully the latter, so that another woman doesn't get sucked in by this charmer.

He's the problem, not her. This might be a good way to offload him for free though.

Was the gardener good looking? wink

ladyjadie Sun 05-May-13 23:15:49

He sounds like an asshole and I know I would hate it if he was doing something for someone else (who happens to be a younger woman).

It makes you feel foolish and no one should have to be made to feel like that by the person who is closest to you.

AnyFucker Sun 05-May-13 23:22:04

Never mind the folder, your husband is a nasty twat and you would do well to DTF

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 06-May-13 06:00:05

I'm trying to read between the lines of your posts to figure out if you have children.

Hopefully not, as it will make it a lot easier, but either way, you need to work out a way to get shot of this man.

BouncyButterfly Mon 06-May-13 06:49:11

Op, if you discovered there had been more than heavy folder carrying occurring, how would you feel?

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