Just don't know what to do

[thatstripedthing]

I hate posting this as it makes me feel weak but I genuinely don't have the first clue what to do here. Trying to hash out some form of agreement to settle the decree absolut with my ex (a secondary problem although maybe because he is offering me scraps this current situation is skewed) and am four months into seeing a lovely man.

Lovely man came to visit last week, and the water pump on his car went and the car had to be towed to my house. It has been outside since until lovely man can fix it. My ex knows his car and my dd told me yesterday that her father has been asking questions about lovely man and said car. Today I get this text - By the way has someone dumped a crappy green motor outside your house. If you report it to the council they'll get it towed away.

Thought I would ignore it, not worth really responding to but the more that the day has gone on the angrier I have become. A) he is pumping dd for information and B) he is driving past my house (not necessary as it would always be out of his way) and checking up on me. He has form for this before, but it's getting more sinister as the time of financial decisions have to be made.

Sadly my lawyer is on leave for two weeks so don't know whether to address it now by going mad or leaving it until she comes back. If you were me, WWYD?

[purplewithred]

Personally, I'd say ignore it, don't contact him, but maybe keep a note of the date and content of the text. I really don't see what it has to do with the financial settlement, it's just him being a twunt. Rise Above, don't react, and eventually he will move on.

[MissBlennerhassett]

Hi, I think I would follow you're first instinct and ignore. It sounds like he's trying to get a rise from you. Although you do use the word 'sinister', is his behaviour worrying you more than irritating you?

[thatstripedthing]

Hi, yes it is starting to worry me. It has nothing to do with the financial settlement per se, of course they are not related, but it is about him controlling me. He has seen boyfriends off before, given them some gentle incentive not to see me anymore. 16 months later he is still watching my movement. It's creepy

[MissBlennerhassett]

I think if you feel threatened you need to consider talking to the police. Certainly if he's harassing you and people you know.

Only you know what he's like, but if you think he may escalate his presence and become a threat to you then you may need proper advice.

Can Lovely Man be around more? I realise 4 months is still a pretty new relationship and you don't want him to be scared off, but does he know what's going on?

Btw, you don't sound weak at all, just pissed off (rightly) and sick of a difficult and tiring situation.

[ElectricSheep]

Do not fuel the control with a response. Ignore. Controllers never let go easily without a few whinges, whines and minor dramas.

However divorcing controllers means that you don't have to pay any attention to him whatsoever.

[thatstripedthing]

So many thanks for the kind response. Lovely man is aware and has encouraged me to seek out the police before now. I really never thought it would come to this. I will ask lovely man to be around more - I'm fairly sure he would be willing...

[MissBlennerhassett]

In that case you've found the silver lining . Hope you feel better tomorrow once the initial anger has died down.

ElectricSheep makes an excellent point!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

However lovely 'lovely man' may be, don't get yourself immersed in another relationship before you are properly ready to act as a human shield against the previous one. You are entitled to live peacefully, safely & independently ....

[thatstripedthing]

I'm sorry, I don't exactly follow what you mean by 'human shield'?