Oh bollocks. A crush. Really? :-(

[StuffezLaYoni]

I have had some horrible partners. In fact, only horrible ones. I realised a couple of years ago I could not trust my own judgment, so haven't made much effort to seek out a relationship, as I get it so bloody wrong.
Well. A guy I knew vaguely at Uni, who I fancied the absolute pants off, got in contact a couple of months ago, as we both are back living in our old Uni city without many mates. We met and it was nice to chat, but a bit awkward. He was open about having a long distance girlfriend, who I met and got on with. Since then weve been doing the whole "must meet for a beer and catch up" thing, but have not done.

Well, this evening I text him and said I was off for a pint with mates at his old college bar. And he turned up unexpectedly. It was really nice, he got on with the mates (a couple) I was with and I really enjoyed his company. He just seemed really, really attractive and bugger me, I'm really wanting to see him again. If he's still with his girlfriend, I wouldn't think of doing anything, but how can I find out whether he is, without looking like an idiot? Since I've got home, he's finished his martial arts class and said he's in a bar twenty mins walk away, if I want to join...

This is a bit of a ramble, sorry. It's weird, I've shut off romantic feeling for so long. I don't like this. What do I do?

[foolonthehill]

Join him for a drink, say "so what's XXX up to this weekend?". easy for him to say don't know we're not together or she's doing this that or the other. No embarrassment at all, especially as you've met her.

[LessMissAbs]

He wants you to chase him. Are you happy with that? If he was properly interested, he would ask you out on a date and tell you he had split up with the long distance girlfriend. He probably isn't doing that, because he doesn't see you as a serious long term prospect, and doesn't want the guilt of having chased you.

[deleted203]

I would simply ask casually, 'Are you and X still together?'. It's a perfectly reasonable question as you've met her previously.

[StuffezLaYoni]

That's a good idea but I can't remember her bloody name!!
He has text asking if I want to go for a drink in a club in town... I'm not sure what to do. Might put my makeup on in case. Oh god.

[foolonthehill]

Do what you ant to do, don't drink too much, see how it goes....it's one evening. You can play it by ear.

[StuffezLaYoni]

LessMiss, fair comment. I'm on my guard enough to not make myself look a twat, so won't be getting into any "chasing" situations.

[LemonPeculiarJones]

If it was earlier in the evening I might suggest going (and asking him how his gf is - then he'd have the chance to tell you if he's single).

But it's a bit late, he might just be after a shag followed up by a bit of angst about how 'complicated' things are with his ex-gf, who might not really be an ex....

He's invited you out, you can text him for a coffee another day now, to fbd out what's why.

So I'd say decline.

[cozietoesie]

Don't go, Stuffez. What makes you think your judgment has improved?

[StuffezLaYoni]

You're right. If I went out and drank, and a situation arose, habit of a life time would mean e doing something I'd regret. I feel bad suggesting these things about him, as he does seem nice, but I'm not going to take he risk. I might text him tomorrow for a coffee though, as that would be nice, and I could subtly find out his situation.
I'm going to bed with a film and the cats. Oh and Cozie - I didn't clear p the soil immediately and new kitty has crapped in it. :-( why isn't she using her new tray?

[cozietoesie]

Because she has nice soil!

Clear it up, have a nice scented bath or shower and head for the film with a glass of slurp.



Oh - and turn the phone off.

[StuffezLaYoni]

Oh god. I have disposed of the faeces and soil. Feeling decidedly unsexy. Thanks for bringing me back to earth Cozie. (And Fenton)