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Leaving DH today- why am I so scared?

(62 Posts)
GroundHogDayAgain Fri 03-May-13 08:09:18

Hi all, I'm finally moving out today with dcs. Leaving dh of 9years. It's been a long time coming I guess. Some of you may recall my thread around a week ago.

I'm absolutely and utterly terrified. Almost like I'm about to jump head first off a cliff.

The last week has been hell, it's not healthy for anyone but why am I feeling like this??

Have others felt like this as they were leaving?? Cold sweats, feeling sick etc??

Thanks for reading x

HerrenaHarridan Mon 06-May-13 17:27:20

Well done groundhog!

I'm so excited for you. Yes the butterflies are normal! Although the only time I truly doubted my decision to spilt with dds dad was when standing in my dds first home with my stuff in bin bags on one side of the room and his on the other. It was like seeing all my hope and dreams for dds childhood bagged for the landfill.

You know you are doing this for all the right reasons. Take as much pleasure as you can from building a new life smile

musickeepsmesane Mon 06-May-13 16:51:40

well done. I hope you and your DC's settle well and enjoy your new lives. flowers

myroomisatip Sun 05-May-13 17:01:29

Well done!

I am sure your emotions will be all over the place and you will have doubts for some time.

Have a lovely stress free day tomorrow smile

ElectricSheep Sun 05-May-13 10:01:40

Hi Groundhog. Glad to hear you're settling in and getting things sorted.

Don't worry about the numbness, it will wear off. I think in a way there is too much to feel so you just shut down temporarily while you decide how you feel. When I defrosted, which only took a few days to start, I realised above all I felt free, like a weight had lifted and over the first few months a feeling of peace settled over me which was just lovely.

You are bound to have down times - we all do - but you have got something out of the way that you know you should have done for a long time now. Now you have finally done it!! Yay, well done you!! You know, on balance, it's the best thing for you and your DCs long-term. Just hang on to that when you are down. Rehearse all the reasons that you had to leave. For me, I had no regrets, I knew I'd done the right thing, I just regretted not going sooner.

The responsibility does feel a bit frightening when you look at it in the abstract, but the reality is something you've managed every day, from day to day iyswim. So just keep taking it one day at a time.

And, if you'll take my advice, give yourself at least 12 months before getting in to another relationship. Perhaps consider a Freedom programme with WA, just to ensure your twat radar is fully functioning.

Hope you and DCs are having fun and doing some of the things that were forbidden and frowned upon. grin flowers for your new home.

spiritedaway Sun 05-May-13 02:01:34

Please keep posting in case he tries tactics during contact etc. . I do get the sense you're feeling his pain as you're a warm empathetic woman. Don't let him capitalize on that.(speaking from experience). If he feels sorry for himself. . . just remind him of his impending wedding plans and ask him to let you know when you need to buy a hat ;)

GroundHogDayAgain Sat 04-May-13 23:50:46

Hi everyone, hope you are all well x

Been another busy day. My stuff is still all over the place, but have sorted out dcs rooms now at least.

Dh has sent me some nasty txts but I was fully expecting them anyway. I know he will be missing the kids alot and it must be really tough for him but I wish he would accept that I didn't intend on doing this and leaving with dcs.

It's really strange but I do feel 'free' and scared at the same time. I love the thought of being my own boss in the house and not having to think about anyone else but me and dcs. I do feel scared though that I've taken on double the responsibility re finances and kids upbringing on a daily basis.

Actually leaving home was the toughest toughest thing in the world to do. But I'm bloody glad I did it. Dh and I had good times and bad times too. But when the bad times far outweigh the good, it's not a good sign. Recently, past few years were constant bad times.

I feel a hundred times lighter even though I'm carrying a heavier burden in terms of the dcs and the uncertain future.

As I drove away from him and our 'home' I really thought I'd be really emotional and depressed but I honestly was just numb. I didn't cry or feel upset. Is this because I've got so much going on physically?? Will I have a really crappy day soon where I regret it and feel like a super bitch??

Thank you all for your fantastic support. I'm writing this on my phone otherwise I would have responded to each poster who gave me support and luck.

Love and hugs to you all x

catkin14 Sat 04-May-13 11:30:26

Hi just wanted say well done! I left my H of 27 years about 7 weeks ago. I never knew i had the guts!
Some days are good and others bad but it couldnt continue as it was without us slowly destroying each other.

So take an hour at a time, accept that you will feel doubt and worry and feel scared for the future, but then in the next hour you will feel fine!
It helped for me to write why i was leaving down so that when i thought 'oh no what have i done' I was able to go back to my piece of paper and remember why!

My H also said it would be terrible for DC's to not be with their father, well it did them more harm to be with him!
Enjoy your new home, enjoy the peace and freedom from fear!
And look after yourself flowers

WhiteBirdBlueSky Sat 04-May-13 11:23:48


Fairydogmother Sat 04-May-13 10:11:38

Well done flowers

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 04-May-13 09:43:04

Hi Ground how you feeling today? I hope you are well smile

crushedintherush Sat 04-May-13 09:22:13

Here's to a brighter, happier future for you and your children, groundhog wine wine wine wine

ElectricSheep Sat 04-May-13 09:08:07

Oh wonderful!! flowers

Lweji Sat 04-May-13 08:57:05

Autopilot is good. smile

All the best in your new free and happier life. smile

wheredidiputit Sat 04-May-13 08:32:57

Well done.

Now just concentrate on getting your new home and dc settled thats the most important thing every thing else can wait until you are ready.

postmanpatscat Sat 04-May-13 08:29:37

Good for you. I've done what you just did and believe me, it was worth it, I heard all the crap your ex came out with too (he was wrong!)

Good luck, another one here who is happy to hold your hand and cheer you on.

whattodoo Sat 04-May-13 08:24:13

Sending you much health and happiness in your new home.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 04-May-13 08:22:58

Well done. It may be weird and surreal but it must also be very exciting. Looks like it's going to be a nice bank holiday weekend. Perfect timing to start fresh, breathe deeply and smile.

acceptableinthe80s Sat 04-May-13 08:16:30

Well done op. Today is the first day of the rest of your life as they say.
Have some
flowers for your new new home.

GroundHogDayAgain Sat 04-May-13 01:05:25

Hi guys xx

Bloody Internet not working so using rubbish 3G on phone to post this.

I am here... In my new a new bed.... Eeeeeek

It's very weird. Totally surreal. I've been non stop busy all day and haven't had a moment to think about what I'm actually doing. Even now I think I'm on auto pilot. It just doesn't feel real.

I will post properly tomorrow and fill you in.

I just wanted to say a huge huge huge thanks to the amazing wonderful people who have posted on here sending me luck and genuine support.

Goodnight xx

PreciousPuddleduck Fri 03-May-13 23:36:54

Hugs & best of luck. You are very brave.

ElectricSheep Fri 03-May-13 23:33:40

Are you ok OP? Did you do it? I am picturing you sat in your new house and feeling the freedom Hope I am right grin

AnxiousNurse Fri 03-May-13 21:14:15

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Flibbertyjibbet Fri 03-May-13 18:47:06

When it was me in that situation I felt the same. What kept me going was the thought that people split up everyday and today iT's your turn.

Wereonourway Fri 03-May-13 15:07:31

Checking in again to wish you luck again groundhog.

I'm too far away to offer practical help but am sending you my virtual balls and virtual backbone.

My abusive ex still days the same things your ex is now. It's my fault ds is in a split family, not his for being an abusive arsehole.

Stay strong, remind yourself why you are leaving and take it baby steps at a time.

I left 9 months ago and am happier now than ever, despite his attempts to dampen things with his bullying and anxiety causing verbals.

I can see much much clearer now what he was and how he behaved and I've not once regretted leaving. I'm sure you will get there too

ArtemisKelda Fri 03-May-13 12:17:19

Groundhog I'm in the NW too if you need anything.

You know that you're doing the right thing. Sending you positive vibes and courage.

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