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Leaving DH today- why am I so scared?

(62 Posts)
GroundHogDayAgain Fri 03-May-13 08:09:18

Hi all, I'm finally moving out today with dcs. Leaving dh of 9years. It's been a long time coming I guess. Some of you may recall my thread around a week ago.

I'm absolutely and utterly terrified. Almost like I'm about to jump head first off a cliff.

The last week has been hell, it's not healthy for anyone but why am I feeling like this??

Have others felt like this as they were leaving?? Cold sweats, feeling sick etc??

Thanks for reading x

Fairydogmother Fri 03-May-13 10:29:15

best of luck OP - lots of courage and hugs to you

i also felt sick to my core when i left although i was lucky that it wasnt an abusive relationship. its a very hard thing to get up the courage to do but it WILL be ok.

4 years on and i'm so glad i did it. keep posting and keep your new future in your sights

GroundHogDayAgain Fri 03-May-13 10:36:01

Thanks fairy x

I will come back later and let you know how I got on. I've got a million things to do but sat here in my old room frozen. Thinking is this really it. Where did it all go wrong.

musickeepsmesane Fri 03-May-13 10:45:45

Off your butt, c'mon. He has put your stuff in black bags. What does that tell you. He is looking forward to getting married again. He is an arse. You deserve better. You made an uninformed choice when you got together with him. Would you have had kids with him if you knew in advance what he was going to put you through? No, you wouldn't. He fooled you, no shame in that. The feeling I get from you is that he has successfully sucked all the confidence from you. You don't need him, you are a great person in your own right........up and at it....

Fairydogmother Fri 03-May-13 10:50:57

break it down into steps

first step - get up and leave the room
second step - gather things together
third step - load up the car and get in....

etc etc

take it one little bit at a time but you will need to MAKE yourself start

LisaMed Fri 03-May-13 11:17:44

Sending loads of positive vibes - good luck

AND GIVE YOURSELF THE CREDIT! Despite his best efforts you are doing what is best for yourself and your children. All his hard work and constant effort has gone to waste, he is not going to be a happy bunny.

Wishing you all the luck in the world

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 03-May-13 11:19:21


Just caught up with your other thread.

Please stay safe. I read that you can call 101 to let police know when you are leaving an abuser.

Also, reading your other thread and how he bugged your car, took your keys, etc. I would recommend changing locks and making your new home a safe haven for you and the DCs.

Good luck. ((((Hug))))

ElectricSheep Fri 03-May-13 11:24:34

Sorry just back from shops. I'm in nw too. Have a car and strong arms if you need a hand? PM if you like.

NicknameTaken Fri 03-May-13 11:28:56

No thinking. It's a time when you just have to go on auto-pilot and work through the practical steps. In many ways you've done the hardest bit by making up your mind to go. You're 90% of the way there, so you just have to grit your teeth and keep going, however lousy it feels right now.

Think of it like labour - the bit where you become convinced that you can't do is the bit where you are actually doing it.

newbiefrugalgal Fri 03-May-13 11:32:15

Tell us about your exciting new home OP (if you want a distraction)

myroomisatip Fri 03-May-13 11:40:50

Another one wishing you good luck here smile

I am entering my second week in my new home and honestly, I felt the same as you but I had no choice as we had a house to sell and I had to move out on completion of the sale.

I had the same worries and thoughts, especially as my STBXH has been very helpful (something I cant get my head around but I am glad it is amicable).

You have arrived at this point for probably many reasons, dont look back now. I can only say that I am much happier and I am sure you will be too.

Lweji Fri 03-May-13 11:49:52

I hope you are actively packing. smile

Just to point out about this:
Dh has actually told me that he's looking to get married again pretty much straightaway.

Yeah. Well, according to XH, I was too ugly to find anyone else, whilst he was god's gift to women.
He is still overweight, with hygiene issues, social anxiety problems and no job.
Once I decided to start dating again, I found a nice partner fairly quickly.

I don't think you'll regret it, but I'm sure he will.

BoltingBrenda Fri 03-May-13 11:50:55

Wishing you courage and strength for today.

I'm just a few steps behind you - your story gives me hope.

ArtemisKelda Fri 03-May-13 12:17:19

Groundhog I'm in the NW too if you need anything.

You know that you're doing the right thing. Sending you positive vibes and courage.

Wereonourway Fri 03-May-13 15:07:31

Checking in again to wish you luck again groundhog.

I'm too far away to offer practical help but am sending you my virtual balls and virtual backbone.

My abusive ex still days the same things your ex is now. It's my fault ds is in a split family, not his for being an abusive arsehole.

Stay strong, remind yourself why you are leaving and take it baby steps at a time.

I left 9 months ago and am happier now than ever, despite his attempts to dampen things with his bullying and anxiety causing verbals.

I can see much much clearer now what he was and how he behaved and I've not once regretted leaving. I'm sure you will get there too

Flibbertyjibbet Fri 03-May-13 18:47:06

When it was me in that situation I felt the same. What kept me going was the thought that people split up everyday and today iT's your turn.

AnxiousNurse Fri 03-May-13 21:14:15

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ElectricSheep Fri 03-May-13 23:33:40

Are you ok OP? Did you do it? I am picturing you sat in your new house and feeling the freedom Hope I am right grin

PreciousPuddleduck Fri 03-May-13 23:36:54

Hugs & best of luck. You are very brave.

GroundHogDayAgain Sat 04-May-13 01:05:25

Hi guys xx

Bloody Internet not working so using rubbish 3G on phone to post this.

I am here... In my new a new bed.... Eeeeeek

It's very weird. Totally surreal. I've been non stop busy all day and haven't had a moment to think about what I'm actually doing. Even now I think I'm on auto pilot. It just doesn't feel real.

I will post properly tomorrow and fill you in.

I just wanted to say a huge huge huge thanks to the amazing wonderful people who have posted on here sending me luck and genuine support.

Goodnight xx

acceptableinthe80s Sat 04-May-13 08:16:30

Well done op. Today is the first day of the rest of your life as they say.
Have some
flowers for your new new home.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 04-May-13 08:22:58

Well done. It may be weird and surreal but it must also be very exciting. Looks like it's going to be a nice bank holiday weekend. Perfect timing to start fresh, breathe deeply and smile.

whattodoo Sat 04-May-13 08:24:13

Sending you much health and happiness in your new home.

postmanpatscat Sat 04-May-13 08:29:37

Good for you. I've done what you just did and believe me, it was worth it, I heard all the crap your ex came out with too (he was wrong!)

Good luck, another one here who is happy to hold your hand and cheer you on.

wheredidiputit Sat 04-May-13 08:32:57

Well done.

Now just concentrate on getting your new home and dc settled thats the most important thing every thing else can wait until you are ready.

Lweji Sat 04-May-13 08:57:05

Autopilot is good. smile

All the best in your new free and happier life. smile

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