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Whats happened to the sex?!

(5 Posts)
AboutSex Wed 01-May-13 15:47:39

Sex has always been important to me. I have a high sex drive and after suffering with vaginismus for years I feel I deserve a good sex life now the problems sorted.

I've been with dp for about 2 and a half years. When we met I found we were very compatible and had great sex.

In the past year or so (Just before I got pregnant and had dc) the sex has gone very downhill.

He lasts for about a minute when we have sex after no foreplay at all. Obviously in that time I will be nowhere near satisfied but he just rolls over and doesn't even think about me. A lot of the time he cant even be bothered with sex and will just want to do 'hand stuff'

Its not just sex that's taken a terrible turn but hes now an awful kisser and hes pretty disastrous with his touching too. Its just all the complete opposite. Even though my sex drive is still high I don't really want to initiate things anymore as I know I just end up disappointed.

I'm really open about sex, he knows what I like. He doesn't like talking about sex though and wont tell me what he enjoys.

I feel embarrassed (mostly for him) to bring up the 1 minute sex but he does know that I'm annoyed at him if he doesn't think my pleasure is important after hes finished.

What do you think is going on and how do I sort it?!

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 01-May-13 16:01:09

Oh dear.... I think he's got to the 'taking for granted, what's the point trying' stage of marital nookie frighteningly quickly. What a pity because, if you get it right, the longer you get into a relationship, the better the sex can get because everyone's on the same page and there's none of that awkward hit-and-miss early stuff.

I think you need a pretty serious conversation and a plan of action. Try not to hurl insults or blame but just make the point that it's totally unsatisfactory and you know you can do better as a couple.

Sensitive question but in the time when you had problems, do you think he resorted to porn? That can totally kill 'real' sex.

AboutSex Wed 01-May-13 16:10:56

Yes Cognito its like we've been married for 50 years and he cant be bothered. I thought sex was meant to get better the longer your with someone and learn about them.

I never had the problem while I was with him, that was sorted a few years before we met.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 01-May-13 16:16:29

If you've only been together 2 years the logical but unfortunate conclusion is that this is the 'real him' and what you had to begin with was the 'honeymoon him', putting on a good show to get you on board. That's the problem really....

bettycocker Wed 01-May-13 17:00:15

You hear so much about how sex is important to men, but it's really important to a lot of women too.

AboutSex, It's difficult to know how to deal with a DP who is disengaged from sex. This is also a problem for me.

Dissatifying sex is probably just as bad as no sex at all. I feel your pain. DP was all to happy to put in plenty of effort in the beginning, but now it's same old, same old, get it over and done with, if you know what I mean. I have been making a lot of effort to try and get our sex life back on track and things are starting to slowly improve.

Hopefully someone can spark some inspiration and insight into these issues.

Cogito always seems like a very wise person on this relationship section. I posted a thread a while back, but I'm still dithering.

Sorry, it's a case of the blind leading the blind here, but I just wanted give you some support.

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