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Being My families doormat! Changing money situations. Envy(10 Posts)
Well just a wee rant. My family treat me like a doormat. Probably I am enabling that.
My mum and dad have always been competitive. Keeping up with the joneses so to speak. They have always been quite critical of me and my sisters. My young sister has become a clone of mum as lives with her
The situation seems to have got 100 times worse than it always has been since my financial situation to them seems better. ( they don't know my situation but assume) .
Fast forward I'm updating my 12 year old car to get newer one they start picking at silly things eg why would I get a new car when I hardly use my other one or why are you getting a car when you can put it towards a new house. I'm not buying one it will be on finance.
Normally if someone told me they were getting anew car I would say what type, get excited and want to see it etc but no I just get piking
They just can't seem to stop this jealousy to the point where they make me so miserable. It seems everytime I meet up with one of them they are picking or if not it feels like they are prodding to make me feel sorry for them . As though they are trying to get something out of me all the time.
Question is why can't they just be happy for me? Will they ever be? Why has money affected things more than before. I'm their daughter or a sister so why don't they treat me nicely. Why does money get in the way? I'm a nice person and treat them well, I've not changed,
They can't be happy for you because they are miserable, bitchy and insecure themselves. They're the type that compare themselves to others all the time and believe they got the shitty end of the stick. They blame others for their own shortcomings, think others are out to get them, that everyone has a better time of it than they do. If you've got something nice, it's not because you've worked for it or made sacrifices... noooo.... it magically fell off a tree right into your lap. So to make themselves feel a bit better they go for the full on pity party with a side order of sour grapes.
Where I come from (and can you tell I left because it was full of these types?) they say nasty little things like you're 'getting above yourself' or 'think you're too good for us now' to try to bring you down to their level.
Be yourself, enjoy your success and don't seek their approval .... let them twist themselves up with jealousy.
<Calms down slightly...>
Also known as 'Tall Poppy Syndrome'.
Thanks cogito. I love your posts they are so insightful and you always have it bang on you really do.
Funny you should say about leaving where you came from. I have too, I haven't gone that far away but far enough. My dad still lives there and what you describe. I hear all of that. My dad often says Nasty jibes then if I say anything he says well I don't want you getting above your station" or " I don't take no prisoners" . " it's good for you to be knocked Down a peg or too" tough love/ cruel to be kind rubbish. He's def got the cruel bit right.
I have friends from back where I used to live and we have grown apart. One seems to take it upon himself to think that because I have a nice house and am married that that means I can't have any problems. He then moans to kingdom come about his issues.
Is it good where you have moved to now? Do your family etc say those things to you?
Cogito that has really made me laugh thanks. " tall poppy syndrome" hehe
Was this town in the North of England at all?
"Is it good where you have moved to now? Do your family etc say those things to you?"
To answer that specifically. It's great where I am now. I'm 'normal' round here... My family, to their eternal credit, have always been ambitious for me. I think there is a bit of Jewish DNA in my DM who insisted from an early age I was going to be a doctor! (I am not a doctor) They have never gone in for that 'getting above your station' rubbish. It was the people I was friends with and the people I grew up with that did that. Just because they weren't prepared to climb the ladder they thought everyone else should stay at the bottom where they were. If you showed a glimmer of wanting something better then you were 'up yourself'.... I ask you.
Your Dad sounds like a nightmare. Next time he gives you the 'getting above your station' clap-trap try to think of some acid put-down. 'What's the matter Dad, do I make you feel inferior?'
Yes it was cogito. It was in the North. Maybe we have moved from the same place round of applause for us.
Good for you that you have followed the career you wanted and not what they wanted! Yep nothing like the moaners when you have tried and they haven't.
My dads got an acid tongue! That's why I see him less and less these days. He's become more and more I would say bitter. It doesnt help me one bit as everything I do that's enjoyable he tries to make me feel bad.
Round of applause indeed. When I pointed out I was not going to be a doctor DM said 'well a lawyer then...' And when my DS (then age 6) announced he wanted to be a builder when he grew up she said 'that's right dear, an architect'. Not pushy at all... nooo....
I decided a long time ago that I was not going to be made to feel bad by anyone and that's why I can't join in the current national sport of 'Organised Envy' against anyone that seems to be earning a few quid or was lucky enough to go to a good school or something. If they've got off their backsides and done something with their lives, or even if they've just made the most of a good start, fair play to them I think.
I'd feel sorry for your Dad quite honestly. Life must be a very hollow experience for him if the only pleasure he gets is by sucking the joy out of others. Enjoy your enjoyable things to the max and basically stuff what he thinks.
Cogito - that really is funny " current national sport" of "organised envy" haha comedian on mumsnet. I looked up " tall poppy syndrome" - very enlightening.
It sounds like your mum has been very busy organising everybody's career. She's a very busy lady
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