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Going insane:(

(10 Posts)
mrsericnorthmaniwish Wed 01-May-13 11:51:23

Hello, I am back again, I need to say this or I will go insanesad I have posted on here couple days ago about my h, I told him on Friday to expect solicitors letter this week- I have had enough and can't do it anymore, after many attempts of trying to make him understand etc nothing has changed and I am realising it won't. He wanted to do counselling etc but I have said there is no point. Couple days later he decided I must have someone else-I don't. Now, a few days later he is acting as if all is ok, like we have not had any conversation etc and he behaves as if all is fine, has asked me why I am quiet or why I am ignoring him few times but all very pleasant.I DON'T GET IT. I am realising this has become a pattern, we fall out and I am expected to just go back to normal and forget whatever it was, but this time I am not doing that-I can't, I have come to the end and I have told him to expect letter and he still just carries on, I feel like I am going insane. Any advice greatly appreciated before I do go insanesad thank you

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 01-May-13 11:59:05

Stop trying to understand him. He's clearly the type that blows hot and cold, doesn't take women seriously, and then thinks he's so wonderful that no-one in their right mind - least of all you - would actually go so far as to properly leave him. Deluded, basically.

By far the best solution is to get him & his 'if I act normal it'll all blow over' routine out of your house. Can you do that?

LucettaTempleman Wed 01-May-13 11:59:27

I'm sorry, I havent' seen your previous threads so perhaps that's why I find your post a bit confusing. By 'solicitor's letter' do you mean you've started divorce proceedings? Your H may be confused and think you're sending mixed messages, or even worse trying to bluff him into changing, that's a little bit how it's coming over in the post.
So, are you serious about divorcing him? Are you still living together? If so, will you still live together once he's received the letter? Also why is it taking your solicitor so long to send it? When I went and started divorce proceedings, I saw the solicitor at 2pm on a Tuesday afternoon, and my H had the letter in the post on Thursday morning.

Without knowing the details I do feel a bit sorry for your H because he's probably in denial, especially as he's suggested counselling.

Look, it's Wednesday today. You told him on Friday to expect a letter. Get on the phone to your solicitor right now and tell them to get it sorted.

mrsericnorthmaniwish Wed 01-May-13 12:04:36

The letter should arrive today stating divorce proceedings are being started. Still living together as have 3dcs and its their home I have been advised not to leave, he won't leave, already made that quite clear and house is in his name only. Sorry if I am not being clear, I am trying to be brief and not repeat all I put in last post. Yes, that seems to be what he is doing, not taking me seriously, acting normal and hoping it will get forgotten againsad

Lueji Wed 01-May-13 12:11:24

My ex was like that.

The day after I called the police on him and told him we were finished, he was still trying to hug me and acting like I'd change my mind, as well as being moody and withdrawn, or blaming me.

As the time, after he had actually moved out, together with threats and further assaults, that he came to the flat and just rang with a smug smile, expecting me to just open the door for him.
He had left most of his clothes behind (fully expecting me to change my mind) and was shocked when at a later time he found out I had put them all in bins in his dad's car boot.

Just ignore him and keep going. smile
At least he's not being nasty.

mrsericnorthmaniwish Wed 01-May-13 12:15:11

No, he is not being nasty-yet! The letter should come today, it's like communicating with a brick wall, always been so which is why nothing has changed and I have had enoughsad

Lueji Wed 01-May-13 12:18:45

No, he is not being nasty-yet!

I was afraid of that (the yet). sad

Make sure you keep your phone with you at all times.
Can you get someone in if necessary? At the very least to take the pressure off you?

mrsericnorthmaniwish Wed 01-May-13 12:21:21

My phone is always with me, I have friends and family nearby who are all aware. It's just a horrible position to be in but I feel I no longer have a choice, it's taken me a few years to finally get here and I can't go back cause it will be the samesad

Lueji Wed 01-May-13 12:28:05

Yes, and it can only get better. smile

Stay strong and detach as much as possible.
Keep saying to yourself: He's just a (insert name of choice).

mrsericnorthmaniwish Wed 01-May-13 12:33:57

Thank you, I know it's now the best thing for me and dcs but its not easy, esp when I keep doubting everything because of the way he is beingsad

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