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DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

(995 Posts)
wavesandsmiles Wed 01-May-13 11:50:43

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Tue 02-Jul-13 21:46:24

dear lord, do not do the lodgers dishes! You are not their Mum! If they arent done by this evening, a quiet word smashing the plates is needed.

Ive already said the cast is lovely, but forgot to mention how beautiful your DC are too. And you, in your wedding dress, just lovely. How sad for twunt that he has lost you forever. His loss! Not yours.

Anyway, Im loving the headstand acrobat. grin

Allalonenow Tue 02-Jul-13 22:59:06

Sweet dreams waves

wavesandsmiles Wed 03-Jul-13 09:07:29

What happened to the whole enjoying pregnancy and glowing thing? I'm bawling my eyes out this morning after another rubbish sleep, my cat has been stalking me, my whole entire body is restless, I've thrown up every half hour since 4 and I am just tired and upset.

I did to be fair pull myself together to get the DCs ready for school. Had to comfort DD who was crying as its her class assembly tomorrow and they've only done 2 practices and she's scared she will get it wrong.

My home start lady is coming soon and I'm actually going to ask for a bit of practical help instead of rushing around doing cleaning for the next half hour.

I'm now beating myself up about early pregnancy and how I was so caught up in relationship worries that I basically self neglected and that's why when I finally went to the gp at 14 weeks I was so poorly I was rushed to hospital by ambulance. I should have prioritised my health and that of my son sad

I really hope this is just late pregnancy hormones at work.

BerylStreep Wed 03-Jul-13 09:21:24

FGS sit down and relax. Honestly, you need to take it easy.

Hope today goes well. Not long now.

Jux Wed 03-Jul-13 09:34:40

Do rest now, waves! Pleeeeeeeease take it easy from now.myou're going to need to call on reserves of energy for Acrobat's birth and the weeks after.

Stop running about!!!!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 03-Jul-13 09:38:44

Let the home start lady tackle some chores waves you definitely need to slo-o-o-ow down. Put your feet up, keep your thoughts on now and staying serene.

VeryTattyMum Wed 03-Jul-13 09:38:50

Poor Waves definitely just late pregnancy hormones, don't beat yourself up about what you could have done earlier just focus on the prize heading your way in just days now (less than 4 weeks anyway). The day Acrobat is wriggling in your arms will be the day that the constant nausea stops. Food will taste so good again x

AgathaF Wed 03-Jul-13 10:01:24

What everyone else has just said. I can't believe you normally rush around clearing/cleaning before your home start helper comes round - why???? The whole point of her visiting is to help you with whatever you need support with. Let her do her job.

Now, go back to bed for a while.

<Lecture over>


springytata Wed 03-Jul-13 10:45:51

Come off it, waves. What he did to you when you were newly pg was unbelievably vile and skanky. No wonder you ended up ill, blue-lighted. You're not superwoman, lovely; you can't control tremendous shock. It's a reflex action out of our control.

Dear, lovely waves, please look after yourself xxxx

(sorry to be sloppy)

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 03-Jul-13 10:49:56

Btw don't cats sense when a baby's due and start commandeering laps and generally fussing?

LiveItUp Wed 03-Jul-13 11:06:14

I was just thinking that donkeys (about cats that is).

Take it easy Waves. Time to relax a lot bit. Sounds like it might not be too long a wait now wink

MissStrawberry Wed 03-Jul-13 14:37:31

<cat vibes>

I have a feeling this baby might come early. Can you start getting prepared while still resting as much as possible.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 03-Jul-13 16:22:55

Just as long as Puss isn't a tripping hazard, it's companionable. Hope you are being a lady of leisure smile

parttimer79 Wed 03-Jul-13 16:41:11

Just wanted to unlurk (I am also an August antenataller) to say how beautiful that bump cast is and how generally awesome you are!
as you were grin

wavesandsmiles Wed 03-Jul-13 19:26:33

I have taken things a bit easier today, and am now ready for bed in my pyjamas. Just have to get to the DC's bedtimes and I'll be off to bed myself.

Had some worrying news that mum has been hospitalised today following v bad chest pains. She told me a week ago that there have been some problems and she has had various tests and more to come over the next few weeks. I know that she is in the best place, but it is still a concern. I have said I will call up tomorrow morning once the DCs are at school to see how she is getting on, but she is sure she will be home by late morning.

Still having BH almost all the time, and hoping that they are giving acrobat some nice massages as it is not the most pleasant of sensations to be honest. Find myself having to squat down on the ground or randomly grab chair backs at times! I don't want acrobat to arrive just yet though. My calendar is busy the next 10 days. He can either come between 10 July and 19 July during which period there would be minimal rescheduling, although the DCs won't have broken up from school which causes a bit of a headache, or 28 July (late afternoon) onwards.

I've managed all of a few spoonfuls of plain boiled rice, a piece of courgette and an illicit mouthful of plain chicken today. That stayed down with some serious willpower on my part. Not really sure exactly how my body is functioning still - it is amazing that somehow secret reserves can be unlocked.

I am at least pretty much prepared. Hospital bags are packed (one for me, one for acrobat), although I do need to check mine again, clothes are washed and ready as are the reusable nappies. I need to work out how to put on and use the moby wrap, and want to have a massive hoover, dust around, mow the lawn and clean the fridge. But that, if it happens, will have to take place over a few days I think. Oh gosh, I will also need to find a stairgate as I need a door fitting to my hall way (where there is a door frame but no door) so that I can keep crazy dog and stalker cat safely away from acrobat if they are over enthusiastic when he arrives. I have someone lined up to do it, but not sure what the timescale is. More things to add to the to do list....

MissStrawberry Wed 03-Jul-13 19:46:34

Ask the lodgers to hoover, mow the lawn and maybe clean the fridge too though I am sure the home start lady would be happy to do the fridge.

pointythings Wed 03-Jul-13 21:11:58

waves your scheduling of acrobat's birth made me grin. You do know they come when they bloody well want to, don't you? And usually when it least suits you.

Obviously waiting for the school holidays would be acrobat's first good deed if he manages it.

Allalonenow Wed 03-Jul-13 21:37:02

Forget mowing the lawn, and hoovering, they are not important now, your health and acrobat's health matter more now.

Sorry to hear about your Mum, she will be worrying about you also, so do the sensible thing, and rest rest and more rest. Blessings to your Mum.

Good to know that you have got your bags packed, like Strawberry, I think that baby might come soon.

Loulybelle Wed 03-Jul-13 21:42:19

If the cat is following you, it might be sensing Acrobat is ready to make his big entrance.

wavesandsmiles Wed 03-Jul-13 21:52:32

Acrobat needs to stay put and get some more weight on yet.

I'm not going to bother asking the lodgers (the ones who share all the facilities) anything. I had a big chat about being considerate, and cleaning up etc a week or so ago and you know what? Nothing has changed. At. All. I am actually now completely fed up. Stupid most petty thing is that I'd cleaned the floor and put the tea towel in the washing machine. Lodger one uses machine, hangs everything out on whirligig line (I won't confess that I seethe that he uses the ENTIRE thing for a couple of days of clothes, despite knowing that 3 other people use it). Anyway, next day, he brings all HIS laundry in but leaves the tea towel on the line. WTF is that all about? I do his dishes half the time, have rsecued his clothes on several occasions when it has started to rain....and he is so PETTY that he won't bring the tea towel in. Which we all use.

I am starting to think I am not cut out for lodgers. Never once have they cleaned the microwave, worksurfaces, anything. I saw a mouldy banana in one of their cupboards. It is proper dirty.

And despite seeing me so poorly, never once have they done MY dishes. And the whole washing machine thing is so annoying. Wet clothes get left in it, the line gets completely filled up because only the outside part is used. And I feel such a horrible nag for keeping on bringing it all up. And now Lodger one has had a skanky old armchair right outside my front door for a week. He is meant to be taking it to the tip from where he got it as he doesn't want it anymore. He was meant to do this a week ago. 3 days ago I said to him, stick it in the boot of my car and I'll do it. My car is right there by the door. He hasn't moved it. And it is too heavy for me to lift myself.

Oh gosh I sound hideous. Lodger one is plain thougtless and self-obsessed. Lodger 2 isn't too bad - he cleans up after himself, just wouldn't consider helping out with communal things if you know what I mean. And I try to rationalise it with, oh they are just young, but by their age I was married, a homeowner, and had a child.

Let's just say I can't really ask the lodgers to help with the bits I'd like to get done before acrobat arrives. I do need to tell them they can't have guests for the next 2 months. That in itself is enough of a challenge sad But I don't want to be either heavily pregnant or dealing with a newborn and having either extra bodies filling the house, or having to share my space with strangers.

shiningcadence Wed 03-Jul-13 22:05:13

waves you don't sound hideous at all. They sound like an absolute bloody nightmare. How petty leaving your tea towel out.

Allalonenow Wed 03-Jul-13 23:38:52

Your lodgers sound like awful selfish -bastards- lodgers. How long are you stuck with them for? You are right about new rules for them post birth.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Thu 04-Jul-13 06:57:42

waves - your lodgers sound like spoiled brats! Who have never had to share a PROPER home since leaving parents.

stop doing their dishes! I know its easier said than done, but it would drive me crazy, not the big things, the little niggly things.

Dont dare give yourself a hard time over early pregnancy. You have come on a long way since then.

And you are doing a grand job.

AgathaF Thu 04-Jul-13 07:41:21

Waves could you get yourself a plastic basket or something and just load it with whatever of their stuff they have left around - washing in machine, pots, rubbish and put it in their doorway or even better just inside their room where you don't have to look at it? You don't have to say anything, just do it.

Also, the old chair outside your front door. Could you tell them that if they have not moved it by the weekend, the council will collect it and bill them for it.

Leave their washing on the line if it rains - if it gets wet a few times they will learn the hard way. It's not your responsibility.

MissStrawberry Thu 04-Jul-13 07:49:29

Sweetheart, it is obviously in your nature to look after everyone but this needs to stop. Look after your children yourself and your animals. Everyone else can fend for themselves. With the redundancy money could that buy you freedom from them for a while and give them notice? (If you aren't moving to Scotland?)

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