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Husband left me after 30 years

(186 Posts)
sadkaren2 Wed 01-May-13 11:34:41

I don’t know what to do. Please help.

My husband has just left me. We have been together for over 30 years, married for 7.

He has been working in Edinburgh for 2 years (flies back every Friday) as he is a consultant. We live in Essex.

He rang me and told me he had met someone else, and was not coming home again. She is 35, has 2 kids, and he has been seeing her for a year.

He said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore at all – all communication must be via email.

He also said he hasn’t loved me for years – not even when we got married – he just “went along with it”. He says he loves me like a sister. He never sais anything was wrong. But he would ring me 3 times a day and tell me that he loved me. I had noticed he had been a bit distant, but thought that was due to tiredness. He was due to be coming home permanently at the end of May.

I have since found he has spent a fortune on his girlfriend, including paying a £9,500 tax bill for her, and over £1,000 on Valentines night.

I don’t work, and haven’t done for a number of years. We were having IVF, when I was discovered to have cancer. My last op was 18 months ago, and I am recovering well. Before that, I was the major earner in the relationship.

He is 49, and I am 48.

He has also taken for £100,000 worth of shared goods from the house, tho he says he will return them if “the settlement says so”. He left most of his personal stuff. He won’t discuss money or almost anything, and just seems to want to live a life in Scotland and forget about me.

I don’t know what to do, I am so lost. He was my best friend, and I am still so in love with him. I just miss him so much. I just spend all day crying. I just want to stop the pain.


Lorettapeacful Sun 05-Nov-17 19:22:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mermaidinthesea Fri 10-Mar-17 11:43:44

Ah right I didn't see that.

OrangeStar Fri 10-Mar-17 10:09:20


Mermaidinthesea Fri 10-Mar-17 09:50:22

I so feel for you Karen as I am going through the same thing and have a husband who point blank refuses to talk to me and just left with no warning.
Clearly that is what they do when they decide to shut off their old life and start the new life, no regret, no looking back.
I wallowed for a few months before getting a solicitor, mostly because he left me no money.
I have one now and it's a great relief. The divorce is now moving forward but it will be a long time before you do I'm afraid especially as you have had the guelling experience of cancer to deal with - I really feel for you, he is an absolute shit to do this to you when you have been through that. Mine sent me court proceedings when I was in hospital. And he knew I was in hospital.
I hope you have friends and relatives to support you.
Go and see your doctor, i am on anti anxiety pills, they take the edge off the worst of it and you can be referred to counselling, you really do need support at a time like this.
I had a 24 hour massive panic attack the other day and thought I was dying and thank goodness I had my sister to talk me down out of it.
You may still love him now but you will soon come to realise that he is a shit you are better of without. Nobody needs a pathetic liar and cheater who can't even face you and tell you.
Much love and hugs - lets go hand in down through this and keep each other sane xxxx

graciestocksfield Fri 10-Mar-17 01:53:51

Or rather that the OP took him to the cleaners.

graciestocksfield Fri 10-Mar-17 01:53:09

Jeez, what a wankstain. I hope you take him to the cleaners on the divorce.

MyheartbelongstoG Fri 10-Mar-17 01:46:13

Zombie thread.

I hope the op is in a much better place now.

Toobloodytired Fri 10-Mar-17 00:29:08

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for what he's done to you.

He's a prick, he thinks the grass is oh so much greener & he has cut contact down to email because he doesn't want to have to deal with what he's done!

He simply wants to start a new life and leave the old one behind without aggro.

He's a selfish bastard.

flowers divorce the prick and take him for whatever you can! Xx

johannapaul Fri 10-Mar-17 00:10:54

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ohfourfoxache Sun 14-Dec-14 01:26:35


faithboo Sat 13-Dec-14 23:52:25

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LineRunner Mon 06-Oct-14 13:43:34

I hope MNHQ have banned him. That's twice he's spammed this one (old) thread.

AnyFucker Mon 06-Oct-14 08:51:44

I don't know, I clicjed back before it loads

itsbetterthanabox Mon 06-Oct-14 02:01:00

Oh god what's on the website anyfucker?

FlossyMoo Mon 06-Oct-14 01:17:01

The OP hasn't been back. I hope it all worked out for her.

I have reported Knob Jockey above hmm

AnyFucker Mon 06-Oct-14 01:15:26

Fuck off John you twat

When I try to press report on my titchy phone, it clicks on that nobber website grin

itsbetterthanabox Mon 06-Oct-14 01:05:33

Reported the john Richmond spam

JohnRichmond222 Mon 06-Oct-14 00:43:48

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OrangeSpeaker Fri 03-Oct-14 15:11:05

Hi Karen,

It is definitely not easy going through all this pain and suffering. In times like these it is best just to be with this feeling and observe it as best you can. The pain needs to run it's course and it's there for a very important reason. Rather then running away from it, go into it as much as you can. You might discover something truly amazing!

With love and light

LineRunner Fri 03-Oct-14 10:19:37

It's an old thread, resurrected by the spam of 'John Richmond'.

dollius Fri 03-Oct-14 08:01:14

Who the fuck does this man think he is? From your account, you were the major breadwinner for most of the relationship anyway!

As there are no kids, he gets 50% of the assets. Why on earth does he think he should be entitled to more???

As for the air miles - well he can spend his 50% on whatever he wants. The other 50% are yours.

Time to lawyer up lady and I would get the divorce rolling before he can spend all YOUR money on little miss perky tits.

manaboutthemaison Fri 03-Oct-14 02:31:11

Spam ??

Dickhead more like

LineRunner Fri 03-Oct-14 00:43:18

Spam reported.

Johnrichmond Fri 03-Oct-14 00:36:08

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mosman Thu 26-Sep-13 13:53:12

Six months is a life time in this situation .... Tiny baby steps and each hour as it comes. Surround yourself with sensible people and listen to them :-)

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