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Looking for advice re: frenemy type person

(6 Posts)
Sayitdontsprayit Tue 30-Apr-13 20:05:30

So, after lurking for a while I thought I would post because I need some help dealing with what is going on, I know what I should do... Ignore and rise above it but it has just got me down today.
I used to be friends with someone similar in characteristics to another person in a thread on here, typical narcissistic, from what I can gather.
I will try not to drop feed...
A friend was found to be saying awful things about my children, my partner and me a few months ago. I confronted, and basically got gaslighted by the person who had said these things (I don't want to go into too much detail and out myself).
I decided to quietly cut this person out, who I would describe as a friend, not close, but a friend. Since then I was bombarded by messages varying from 'woe is me' to demanding I tell no one we had fallen out and if I didn't accept her truth she would make things very awkward. She has been true to her word, the lies she has come out with are horrendous and also some include her child and things I have done to her (all untrue, I stress).
I know why she has done this, from looking on here to try and understand, I engaged with her once to say I had no wish to contact her, after all the messages.
Since then she has seemed to go out of her way to make things difficult, and in a very underhand way, her child does not go to the same school but her friends' children do, doing petty things from whispering and pointing to trying to trip me up etc.
I am so tired of it, I ignore but it is just getting me down, I have cut others out to get her out of any aspect of my life but I just don't understand WHY. Why she would continue to harass, all the fricking time. We weren't close friends, I refuse to be bullied and taken for a mug, to believe her quite frankly ridiculous stories of what actually went on. She has form for telling a story, then retelling it differently as absolute fact.
This is very garbled, apologies hmm I just want someone to tell me it will stop eventually and hear anyone who has been through the same sort of thing for a bit of support to keep up the ignoring. I've never really been on the end of this childishness and its just made me feel very hmm.

cozietoesie Tue 30-Apr-13 20:14:37

I'm afraid that some people find this sort of thing exciting and stimulating particularly when the rest of their life is boring to them - like living in your very own soap opera. I don't know whether this could apply to her.

She'll likely move on to something/someone else eventually if she's not getting the return she wants from you. Other and wiser posters will advise you further on what to do with regard particularly to your DC and partner. You sound like a laudably strong individual but it's not so good when your family are in the frame.

For my own part, I would say be as boring as possible and keep on not reacting.

Horrible for you.

something2say Tue 30-Apr-13 20:16:03

See, from what you've said, you just didnt know her very well. Under fire, this is what she's like. Lucky you for finding out relatively early!!!L

Hold head high, avoid avoid avoid, and wait with head down until it passes. Which it will. And then someone else will be in the firing line.


Sayitdontsprayit Tue 30-Apr-13 20:28:12

Thank you, I guess I just needed to hear I'm not going crazy! I'm glad I found out relatively early, and it is difficult to ride out, even though I KNOW this is what I must do. I've been relatively boring for a while and things just pop up out of the blue, over the most random and bizarre accusations. I have thankfully kept all correspondence just in case. Some of it would be frightening if I didn't know how the court system works, or how life in general works. Just having a bit of a wobble. Frustrated because I tried desperately to do the right thing and just quietly disappear.
For a while I thought I was BU, that I expected too much from a friendship, not to be put down. It is a very nasty side of this person that most people seem to not see. Thankfully she does not really 'know' me, nor about my life. I have lost friends due to all if this, over something any normal person would understand why the friendship had to end, I just seem to be the villan of the piece. sigh even secondary school wasn't this stressful.

cozietoesie Tue 30-Apr-13 20:33:27

Myself, I would remember that you're unlikely to be the villain of the piece to everybody. If she's getting back to her house and immediately getting on the phone with a 'You'll never guess what she did today.......!' then there's a strong likelihood that many of the people she's talking to are as fed up with the situation as you are - but are just glad that they're currently out of the firing line and letting her get on with it.

It's uncomfortable-making but it will pass. Eventually.

Squitten Tue 30-Apr-13 21:05:55

She wants a reaction from you. And she wants you to react to other people negatively so that you validate what she is telling them about you. Stay silent, stay strong and it will pass. When they see they can't get at you, they'll get bored.

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