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Why can't I stop thinking of other men?

(35 Posts)
DontGiveUpOnHope Tue 30-Apr-13 19:40:42

My and my partner have been together for a year and a half, I really do love him! We've been through a stillbirth and he has lied several times.

He is my first serious relationship and he was the first and only person I have slept with. The past week I can't stop thinking of other men!! It's driving me insane and some aren't veh that attractive! He's slept with over 30 people in his passed and when we first got together he said he was scared I would leave to get more experience.. I never thought I will because I feel fir him straight away!

Please help, will it go away..

Lweji Wed 01-May-13 21:44:47

Good on you. smile

But do put as much distance between you and him as possible.

Cut contact, delete phone numbers.

Look ahead, not behind you. smile

At some point he'll be a distant memory.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Wed 01-May-13 21:38:19

"he's a bit crap, isn't he?"

"your subconscious is telling you that you can do better than this turnip,"

AF, brilliant!

OP, leaving him was a good plan. Stick at it, one day after another, and soon you won't even think about going back as life will be loads better.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 01-May-13 21:30:01

Well done for ditching him. Make sure you fill your days with people that like you and things to keep you busy. That'll help you resist the temptation to start sending him texts etc because you're lonely or upset. Stay strong.

AnyFucker Wed 01-May-13 21:28:10

a "while" ?

what is your long term plan, love ?

DontGiveUpOnHope Wed 01-May-13 20:24:34

For you woman who said I wouldn't do it, I have. I also told him I don't. Want to see him. I'm concentrating on myself for a while.

AnyFucker Wed 01-May-13 19:43:07

it doesn't matter whether he thinks "you are the only girl for him"

of course he will say that, to keep the status quo which suits him down to the ground

he can game with his bro's, give you a cursory crumb from his table every so often, sit on his backside while you count down your 20's

the true question is are you willing to settle for him being the best you can get

clue: the answer should be a resounding no, and then act accordingly

you won't though, will you, love ?

you will throw away a few more years yet, maybe get pregnant again and fuck up your studies good'n'proper, keep trying to make it "last" because you think you have already got all this stuff on the "clock"

you are throwing good money after bad, love...if this bloke was a clapped out banger of a car you would scrap it and start again....not keep spending more and more money from your emotional bank on something that very obviously isn't fit for the road

Lweji Wed 01-May-13 19:19:47

He may well mean it, but is he the man for you?
That's the issue.

He has a nice set up. Of course he doesn't want to give you up.

DontGiveUpOnHope Wed 01-May-13 19:07:25

Thank you all, I know you mean well. I've told him we are better of without each other and he still insists we talk tomorrow, telling me he want to spend the rest of his life with me and I'm the only girl for him.

He's five year older.

whosshe Wed 01-May-13 15:23:22

Reminds me of a relationship I had when I was a bit older than you, and I wish someone had told me to leave the bloke sooner.

I stuck around while he drained all the money, life and confidence out of me. He had no respect for me and was just using me. Things got a lot worse before I left. I should have left earlier.

Please listen to what people are saying, it's all good advice and you deserve better.

Lueji Wed 01-May-13 15:05:16

You are not even 20.
You are in college.

At this time, you should be concentrating on your studies, having light and fun filled relationships with fellow students.
Not putting up with this crap.

How much older is he? 5, 10 years? More?

And what AF said.

QuintessentialOHara Wed 01-May-13 15:02:09

I am sorry, but I will be honest.

Your relationship sounds crap.

Your boyfriend sounds more than just a little bit crap:
overweight, ill health, smoking, gaming, lying, lazy - not exactly a prince among men!

You sound nice!
You can do a lot better than this!

You are thinking about other men because you are not happy with the pathetic excuse of a man that you've got! Listen to your instincts and move on!

AnyFucker Wed 01-May-13 14:56:58

Ok. I'll keep it brief.

if this relationship lasts (and I hope it doesn't...for yoursake) the there are some things you can look forward to and here are just a few of them...

1) you won't ever learn how mind blowing good sex can be.

2) your self esteem will get further eroded, week by week

3) you will fail your studies as you put more and more emotional energy and brain power into trying to make him notice, love and respect you

4) you will be replaced by gaming

5) you will have your head turned by a fit young man (hopefully) and leave him anyway, but not before this pillock has leeched off you financially, emotionally and physically and wasted the best years of your life on nothing

Please don't get pg by him will tie you to him for a very long time and it will effectively sign the death warrant for your youth and vibrancy as you struggle to raise a baby with this millstone round your neck.

Have you listened, OP ?

I doubt it

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 01-May-13 14:52:23

Do you have any RL friends you can talk to? Did you get any therapy after the death of your baby? Would it help to talk to your GP? Could you be depressed? Would your mother listen? If you're clinging to the wrong guy just because you've been through a traumatic experience and don't want anything else to change I can understand that but being rejected the way you are all the time is making a bad situation worse, not better.

DontGiveUpOnHope Wed 01-May-13 14:49:04

If we didnt have a stillborn together I think I could of ended it a lot easier. I just feel weak and i cant go threw much more heary ache.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 01-May-13 14:43:55

Go on AF... stick in your two penn'orth. I bet the OP is a gorgeous young woman, wasting her life on this bozo. She needs your brand of tough love.

AnyFucker Wed 01-May-13 14:40:31

< places fingers on keyboard ready to type >

< gives up >

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 01-May-13 14:34:47

You're under 20???!!! FFS love, get yourself away from this moron who makes you feel so shit. When you're with the right partner, they make you feel better about yourself, not smash your confidence and make you beg for sex. Of course he was nice to you at the start... that was his 'dating face'. Once he'd got you snared, he stopped trying and this is the real him. This is as good as he gets. Lots of lazy men behave the same way and you deserve so much better

So stop worrying whether this toxic relationship will last, do yourself a HUGE favour, and end it now.

DontGiveUpOnHope Wed 01-May-13 14:26:59

I guess I keep wishing he was the I first fell in love with. I'm under 20, since January my college work has dropped I'm getting the highest grades (well was). All I think about is will this relationship last?

All he has done is made the effort to look for work.. I have to ask for sex all the time, just feel so unattractive.

AnyFucker Wed 01-May-13 08:21:57

He's a bit crap, isn't he ?

You looking at other men is your subconscious telling you that you can do better than this turnip

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 01-May-13 08:17:38

You're thinking about other people because this is your first serious relationship and your subconscious is sending you a message.... i.e. there has to be something better than this. Which there certainly is. He doesn't find you attractive, he's not working, he's lazy, getting fat, spends all his time playing games like a juvenile..... dead attractive hmm He may have said he was worried you'd leave him to get more experience but he's not making much of an effort to stop that happening is he?

You sound young. Please go out and get a life as an independent woman. Meet a few blokes. Shag a few, lose a few, keep a few. Make sure your contraception is bang up to date. Get to know yourself and then make a better choice of partner. This guy is a loser....

arsenaltilidie Wed 01-May-13 01:45:23

You've been together for only 18 months but you've broken up 3 times since January.
After 1 year the rose tinted glasses come off and you begin to see the real person. You don't like what you see.
Maybe you are just not into him anymore.
Time to move and not waste each ither's time.

LemonPeculiarJones Tue 30-Apr-13 21:58:46

Sounds a depressing relationship for both of you.

DontGiveUpOnHope Tue 30-Apr-13 21:31:37

Basically, we aren't living together, don't work (I'm at college looking for part time work) and the relationship isn't stable enough. I personally think its very selfish.

Lueji Tue 30-Apr-13 21:24:44

You do, you just don't want to do it. smile

DontGiveUpOnHope Tue 30-Apr-13 21:14:08

I do, but its cruel. So I'm not.
We've split up 3 times since the new year longest lasted a day. I don't know what to do.

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