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I feel so sad.....dp distant and termination

(6 Posts)
Pinkdaisy4 Tue 30-Apr-13 13:42:41

I've been with dp a few months and accidentally fell pregnant ( were using condoms, one split, failed MAP) and we both agreed on a termination.

This happened last week. I had a medical termination , I was 7 weeks + 2 days and saw everything ....a tiny little embryo on the bathroom floor.

I just feel so so sad. DP is being a bit distant, although working a lot at the moment. I haven't told anyone on RL about this.

I already have a two yr old who is my world....I just can't stop crying sad

EhricLovesTeamQhuay Tue 30-Apr-13 13:50:36

I'm sorry sad
He won't feel what you do, he just won't. He wasn't connected to the pregnancy they way you were and you will also have pregnancy hormones and then the drop off (aka baby blues) which won't help. Take care of yourself.

Pinkdaisy4 Tue 30-Apr-13 13:51:44

Thank you Ehric x

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Tue 30-Apr-13 13:53:46

<squeeze> that's tough, i'm so sorry. give yourself time to grieve, even though you agree it was the right thign to do it's okay to be sad that the circumstances weren't right.

Dahlen Tue 30-Apr-13 16:39:16

I'm so sorry for your loss. And it is a loss, even though you decided to terminate. It sounds to me that you made a decision with your head but your heart had already started to bond. At some level your subconscious added that foetus to your family unit and you are grieving the loss of what might have been in different circumstances. It's ok to think about it in those terms and to grieve. BE kind to yourself and ask for support from those who care about you.

If DP is being distant, it may be because he doesn't know what to say or do. He may be feeling guilty that you've had to go through this, or he may feel bad that he's 'relieved' you had an abortion. It's ok for him to feel both those emotions and you may get more support from him if you tell him that and say that you don't expect him to 'fix' anything or make you feel better but that you just want him to be there to listen and hold you, rather than offering solutions.

This is a big thing to go through early on in your relationship, before you've had the chance to really establish good communication, so you may need to spell things out more.

Hope you feel better soon.

simbaandblue Tue 30-Apr-13 16:59:10

I had a similar experience just over 2 years ago. Unfortunately for me, my ex couldn't handle it and he became really nasty and we split, he ignored me for days on end and couldn't cope. He was just back from a tour of Afghanistan and had had a very difficult tour. I understand how you feel completely. If you want someone to talk to, you can always pm me. 2 years later I'm married to an amazing man (who I met shortly after the termination and he has helped me through it even though it wasn't his) and we have a son who is 12 weeks. It's so hard getting over a termination but hold onto the reasons why you had it and know it was the right thing for you at the time! I'm here if need a chat xxx

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