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Being friends with abusive ex from the past?

(27 Posts)
RecoveringDoormat Tue 30-Apr-13 12:19:19

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Lueji Tue 30-Apr-13 12:20:07

Are you crazy?

HTH smile

InLoveWithDavidTennant Tue 30-Apr-13 12:20:56


also HTH grin

NotAnotherPackedLunch Tue 30-Apr-13 12:22:48

No way.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 30-Apr-13 12:26:40

No, no and no again.

Ex's are ex's often for good reason.

RecoveringDoormat Tue 30-Apr-13 12:26:53

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RecoveringDoormat Tue 30-Apr-13 12:27:25

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freddiemisagreatshag Tue 30-Apr-13 12:28:01

Why on earth would you?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 30-Apr-13 12:29:19

I think you'd have to be off your bloody rocker to choose to throw yourself back into that. even as a friend.

RecoveringDoormat Tue 30-Apr-13 12:32:22

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Lueji Tue 30-Apr-13 12:34:31

You obviously liked him, or you wouldn't have had a relationship with him in the first place.

The danger is that you might get drawn in again, thinking he had changed, or something.

He could well think that what he did didn't matter, as you went back to being friends with him.

I'd stay well away. Seriously.

freddiemisagreatshag Tue 30-Apr-13 12:35:26

Did you respond?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 30-Apr-13 12:38:00

Why do you think he's contacted you?

You think he wants to be friends?

I doubt it.

Men don't get in touch with their exs because they want to find themselves a brand new pal.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 30-Apr-13 12:38:47

Ignore his message; he's looking to see if you will take the bait he is throwing you. He has contacted you for a reason and those reasons are not necessarily good ones. You should not engage at all with him and delete his number.

There are other people out there who share the same interests as you; find them.

I'd be also advising you to look at Womens Aid Freedom Programme as abusers can and do take years to recover from.

freddiemisagreatshag Tue 30-Apr-13 12:39:01

What Hec said.

He's not getting any and wants his leg over and thinks you'll be an easy touch.

I wouldn't respond.

Finola1step Tue 30-Apr-13 12:39:41

Run. Run like the wind.

Then later take some time to think about why you would contemplate letting this man back into your life in any shape or form.

Maybe you are minimising exactly what happened. You deserve much, much better.

RecoveringDoormat Tue 30-Apr-13 12:40:56

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lottiegarbanzo Tue 30-Apr-13 12:41:22

That's not a definition of friend that I recognise.

You liked aspects of him, then you found out more about him and concluded that not only are you not especially compatible but he is harmful to you. At that point you walked away, dismissed him from your mind and protected your boundaries. Good.

I think what you're doing is getting nostalgic for the aspects of him you liked and trying to ignore the rest. You're trying to bring back the 'potential him' you created in your mind before you got to know him.

This can happen with friends you 'grow out of' too, genuine nice people who've just changed, as perhaps have you. You liked who they were but have to recognise they are not that person any more. It's a normal process. Onwards and upwards.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 30-Apr-13 12:41:44

Listen to them.

Want to meet up sometime?

He may as well just send you a picture of his cock.

freddiemisagreatshag Tue 30-Apr-13 12:42:41

Delete and block.

Delete and block.

deleted203 Tue 30-Apr-13 12:43:04

I wouldn't respond. My life would be fuck all to do with him now. Ditto my DCs.

Do not meet up with him. Do not respond again to any more texts.

Why would you risk being gradually drawn back into any kind of relationship with someone who you KNOW is a tosser?

curryeater Tue 30-Apr-13 12:43:16

I have done this. I was an idiot.
It took me a long time to realise that the person who was so horrible to his girlfriend (me, but I was no longer his gf) was someone not worthy of my company. Eventually it dawned on me when I realised I was feeling very protective of an acquaintance he was thinking of asking out. I realised I didn't want him anywhere near any woman, especially one I quite liked, and then I asked myself wtf I was doing hanging out with him myself, and then I stopped, and then I realised over time that what he did to me was abusive and I was an idiot with no nous and no self-esteem.
He might be the sort who is only nasty to girlfriends, maybe he would be nice to you as a "friend", but you know better and should stay away.

RecoveringDoormat Tue 30-Apr-13 12:46:47

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JennySlacker Tue 30-Apr-13 12:48:41

No. No. No.

Your answer was perfect. No explanation. No defending your decision. Just a relaxed but clear no. Well done.

RecoveringDoormat Tue 30-Apr-13 13:20:00

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