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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Partner used my credit card without telling me...

75 replies

theheadgirl · 30/04/2013 12:06

....what now??
I think I know the answer though just need to talk to adults who don't have a vested interest.
I'm a single mother, been with my partner for 3 and a half years. We don't live together, his children live with him every other week, the week he doesn't have them at home he spends with me.
He has less income than me. I've lent him money before when things got tight, knowing there's little chance of getting it back. But this month I've found a transaction on my card. He paid his satellite tv bill with my card without asking me. I've confronted him, he says it was going to be cut off just before the kids were due back at his. He was planning to pay me back and hoping I didn't notice.
I'm gutted. I love him, we get on so well have lots in common, he's great with my kids
But.... I'm thinking this has to be it.
Any comments from mature compassionate m netters please xx

OP posts:

Report

Longdistance · 30/04/2013 12:08

No. Stealing is a deal breaker. You can longer be his cash cow, he's using you.

Run for the hills.

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 30/04/2013 12:10

It's stealing. I don't think there is a way back from it - how can you trust him with anything again.

And boo-fucking-hoo for him and his sky. I might have had some compassion for him if it were electricity or gas or eviction or something, but having fewer tv channels to watch? What a shame!

theheadgirl · 30/04/2013 12:10

Thank you longdistance. I'm sadder than I can express. Humiliated. But feel like I've lost something we're good together

OP posts:

flowery · 30/04/2013 12:11

Surely if he genuinely intended to pay you back he would have said "My telly's going to be cut off if I don't pay this bill and I'm not getting paid until x, any chance you could lend me the money for a few days?"

Lueji · 30/04/2013 12:11

Red flag.
Sorry.

If he doesn't have enough money, he shouldn't have satellite tv to start with.

You are effectively supporting him and he doesn't even live with you.

alienbanana · 30/04/2013 12:11

No, get rid.

My sisters partner stole from her. It was just a little thing at first so she didn't think it was too big a deal. He went on to steal thousands.

Poledra · 30/04/2013 12:12

It's stealing. How much effort would it have taken to ask you for a loan? Two minutes? But he didn't do that - he took the money from you and hoped you wouldn't notice.

And YY to the person that said satellite tv is hardly one of life's essentials.

Playerpleeeese · 30/04/2013 12:12

Sky tv is not essential to his kids well being.

He's a thief and a user. Your better than that so are your children. Get rid.

Leverette · 30/04/2013 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/04/2013 12:14

He's been sponging off you so far if he's been borrowing money with no intention of paying it back. Stealing is appalling behaviour. Whether you were good together or not is debatable but he's been using you.... sorry.

alienbanana · 30/04/2013 12:15

The hiding is as bad as the stealing in thefirst place. If he'd used your card once, been totally upfront about it and then paid you back then that might be diffrent. The fact that he didn't tell you,and you only found out by noticing the transaction on your card means he was hoping to get away with it and not pay you back.

How do you know he's not stolen from you before and you've just not noticed?

Bottom line is you can't trust him anymore.

NatashaBee · 30/04/2013 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotConnie · 30/04/2013 12:15

This is as an absolute dealbreaker. Dump immediately.
He could have asked you. The fact he didn't, and went ahead and stole from you shows that he's a sneaky,lying thief who simply cannot be trusted.

Lueji · 30/04/2013 12:18

Ring your cc company and report it as a fraudulent transaction.

If he has retained your CC number he may well use it again online...

BigBoobiedBertha · 30/04/2013 12:20

How did he get your card details? I think your security needs looking at for the future. You don't want to be ditching him whilst he has such personal information. Get rid of him and then get a new card would be my advice.

It is a crime. It is in fact very similar to a case I was on jury service for but for a particular set of circumstances which aren't relevant here, he would have been found guilty of fraud.

theheadgirl · 30/04/2013 12:23

Oh god. This is hard to read in black and white. But I think it's the advice I'd be giving myself if it happened to a friend.
I've got to keep my head
But I feel like an idiot and want to just crawl away and cry
Thank you everyone for responding x

OP posts:

alienbanana · 30/04/2013 12:24

Agree - cancel all your cards, as he might have other details (if hes anything like my sister's bastard ex)

Change any online banking passwords too.

I don't think its your fault re security though.

WeAreEternal · 30/04/2013 12:25

This would be a massive red flag for me too.
Why did he not just ask?

I think you need to cancel all of your cards ASAP, infancy I'd report them as lost/stolen just in case, to make sure they are all blocked from further transactions.

NotConnie · 30/04/2013 12:25

Sorry OP, I know it must be very upsetting but his behaviour is shite.
I would also ask for your card to be reissued, he's probably picked it up from out of your purse while in your house but he could have saved the details for continued acts of thievery.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/04/2013 12:25

Ditch him as of now and obtain a new credit card.

Make your head overrule your heart here; he has seen you as a soft touch.

NotConnie · 30/04/2013 12:26

x posted with banana and Eternal

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 30/04/2013 12:26

You're allowed to crawl away and cry, but after you've done that it's time to dump him and cancel your cards.

My dad is a JP and he always looks really harshly upon theft cases where it's a breach of trust. Your partner has behaved appallingly.

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BigBoobiedBertha · 30/04/2013 12:27

No don't feel a fool. This isn't somebody you've know for 5 minutes who you've let lose with your cards. This is somebody you have known for quite a while and who you should have been able to trust. It is a shame he has messed it up really. More fool him.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 30/04/2013 12:31

If it helps at all to focus tiur anger/energy, please do consider that he is not only stealing from you, but from your DC(s). This also applies to the money you give him.

Please take action. I second tightening your card/bank security.

I would not dream of taking someone else's card to buy myself something. It is very telling of his values.

bamboostalks · 30/04/2013 12:33

Sorry for you, what a horrid thing. I think all the advice is right though.

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