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Lumbered with OM

(138 Posts)
kenickielovesrizzo Mon 29-Apr-13 20:04:58

Just wondered if this ever happened to anyone. Me and OM mutually split a while back (though I cared deeply for him but he is married with children). Then he calls to say he wants to talk to his wife and wants to reveal all/separate etc. At that point I think it hit me - I could never trust him/would not want to inflict any hurt on wife/children/he is selfish/self obsessed/boring. I have told him not to be so ridiculous and to pull out all the stops to save his marriage since he has children. Up until now I thought I would be ecstatic if he left his wife but this has been a MASS reality check. Glad I had the wake up call, but really hoping he doesn't carry out his plan and I end up lumbered with OM.

AnyFucker Tue 30-Apr-13 17:42:02

Have you tried pm'ing her ?

Hopingtobehappy Tue 30-Apr-13 17:50:18

I could, but one persons opinion isnt particularly going to help, there are a few on here who could.

My opinion is just my opinion, I dont have the answers

newbiefrugalgal Tue 30-Apr-13 17:53:12

Haven't read all replies but had to say you get what you deserve OP.

You are an adult and should have thought about the consequences of your actions.

Hope karma finds it way to you!

AnyFucker Tue 30-Apr-13 17:57:08

I expect she has had a few pm's actually

And unfortunately shot herself in the foot by flouncing because she got an understandably "wtf" reaction. I fail to see why she didn't think that would happen, but if she genuinely wanted advice, it's not so hard to pick out the bits she could find useful.

I suspect this little MN episode is part of a bigger pattern of fucked up behaviour and refusal/inability to take responsibility for one's own actions, tbh

And until someone is ready to do that, there is little anyone can do since pats on the head and "there there's" are wholly inappropriate, tbh

classifiedinformation Tue 30-Apr-13 17:59:35

I have messaged op AF.

AnyFucker Tue 30-Apr-13 18:05:05

I am glad, CI . You won't be the only one, I think. I bet the lovely Ilovemyteddy has <waves at ILMT, long time no see >

Fleecyslippers Tue 30-Apr-13 18:44:16

'I suspect this little MN episode is part of a bigger pattern of fucked up behaviour and refusal/inability to take responsibility for one's own actions, tbh'

This. Exactly this. The classic behaviour of a cheat.

Ilovemyteddy Tue 30-Apr-13 19:09:24

<waves back at AF>

No I haven't PM'd OP yet, but am planning to do so.

You're right about pats on the head and "there there's" being inappropriate. And not only are they inappropriate but they are also not useful if a cheater is going to take responsibility for their own actions. Although I'm not sure if OP is technically a cheater, because she is single. Enabling someone else to cheat is obviously a very bad choice to make, but OP is not responsible for HIS choices, only her own.

Liara Wed 01-May-13 21:39:53

Jemma1111 If this ever happens to me I will conclude that my relationship with my husband was not what I thought it was and will therefore reevaluate it.

I will consider the OW to be absolutely incidental. If it had not been her, it would have been someone else.

I've seen this first hand, as my father was a serial womaniser. He left each of his 5 marriages to go straight to live with another woman.

Fortunately all of his wives realised that it was about him, not the OW, and continued to have very civilised relationships with each other, to the very great benefit of all the children involved (and there were many).

kenickielovesrizzo Sat 04-May-13 16:26:43

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to say thank you to the posters on here who recognised that my badly worded, flippant sounding OP was in fact disguising much bigger issues at work in myself and my life. I didn't even realise it myself, so even though this thread has not been an easy ride for me, I'm glad I did it - it really has been the catalyst to sort out my life.

DontmindifIdo Sat 04-May-13 18:37:12

Glad you are taking some positives from this.

This is one of those good cases when you look at the difference between excuses and explainations, it's not making excuses to work out the explaination of bad behaviour, it stops you a) repeating it and b) work out if you were just masking other problems.

kenickielovesrizzo Sat 04-May-13 19:25:11

Thanks for all your posts Dontmind - they have been really, really helpful.

fuckitybollocks Sat 04-May-13 21:21:56

Good on you. That took grace and guts. X

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