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Lumbered with OM

(138 Posts)
kenickielovesrizzo Mon 29-Apr-13 20:04:58

Just wondered if this ever happened to anyone. Me and OM mutually split a while back (though I cared deeply for him but he is married with children). Then he calls to say he wants to talk to his wife and wants to reveal all/separate etc. At that point I think it hit me - I could never trust him/would not want to inflict any hurt on wife/children/he is selfish/self obsessed/boring. I have told him not to be so ridiculous and to pull out all the stops to save his marriage since he has children. Up until now I thought I would be ecstatic if he left his wife but this has been a MASS reality check. Glad I had the wake up call, but really hoping he doesn't carry out his plan and I end up lumbered with OM.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Mon 29-Apr-13 20:13:50

Why would you end up with him? You can say "no" at any time. And I'm glad for you that you recognize that since he cheated with you, that it isn't a great leap for him to cheat on you.

Btw, whether knowingly or not, the moment you found out he was married w/kids, you were a part of hurting them, whether or not he ever leaves them. Just saying.

kenickielovesrizzo Mon 29-Apr-13 20:17:22

I hear you and have mass guilt, don't worry about that. Though I like to think if they don't know they are not hurting but I know how fucked that sounds.

AnyFucker Mon 29-Apr-13 20:20:58

are you for real ?

akaWisey Mon 29-Apr-13 20:33:48

Can't be AF.

Just can't be.

kenickielovesrizzo Mon 29-Apr-13 20:35:13

yes - i'm sorry if I sound like an idiot, AnyFucker - you're my post hero btw.

maristella Mon 29-Apr-13 20:38:27

Erm, you could be a really good match for each other confused

spiritedaway Mon 29-Apr-13 20:40:52

Ethical dilemmas aside i would guess he just fancies a roll on his side plate again and has no intention of scraping his dinner into the bin. You're right. . Sure he's an untrustworthy Bastard probably just telling you what he thinks you want to hear to get you back.

kenickielovesrizzo Mon 29-Apr-13 20:44:48

Thanks spirited - you're probably right. Any sorry everyone else - it wasn't my intention to come across so badly. I really am trying to process the guilt any way I can. If I could turn back time, I obviously would.

whattodoo Mon 29-Apr-13 20:47:08

I agree with spirited. I think he wants another go with you.

If you've any self respect, I'd cut all contact with him.

And, for what its worth, regardless of whether it hurt his family while it was going on, it has the potential to hurt them now or at any time in the future when the bomb drops.

IDoTakeTwo Mon 29-Apr-13 20:47:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Mon 29-Apr-13 20:47:50

I think you had better hurry up and tell him YOU are absolutely not interested, otherwise you might find he finishes with her anyway.

akaWisey Mon 29-Apr-13 20:49:50

Well I'd suggest you'd better sit with the guilt then, surely?

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay Mon 29-Apr-13 20:53:04

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

AnyFucker Mon 29-Apr-13 20:53:48

I'd call it karma, baby

This Prince Among Men turns up on your doorstep with his dick cap in his hand, the shittest suitcase out of the family Set Of Three and a month's worth of skiddy undies for you to lovingly wash.


kenickielovesrizzo Mon 29-Apr-13 20:54:21

I appreciate your point of view IDoTakeTwo and I am not on here for any of the back-patting 'go girl' replies you suggest.

I feel that infidelity is not the cut and dried selfish sleaze-fest you imagine - way more complex i'm afraid.

kenickielovesrizzo Mon 29-Apr-13 20:56:27

Oh god! i was just typing out my last response to come back to this barrage! Shit!

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay Mon 29-Apr-13 20:57:53

"I feel that infidelity is not the cut and dried selfish sleaze-fest you imagine - way more complex i'm afraid."

OK. there's me with my stupid little post-grad brain, totally unable to understand why YOU and HE were SO different to every other sordid little shag on the side, which other people REALLY didn't understand.

Trust me. Women on this board have written the fucking BOOK on infidelity - those who have done it, those who have suffered.


Capitals to help the weak-brained out there... alright?

Please. You have NO fucking idea how insulting you are to women - and men - on this board who have been through the wringer because of OM/OW. (You're the OW, btw.)

Don't come on here whining that you're a bit different.

See above. (referring to entitled bit...)

whattodoo Mon 29-Apr-13 20:58:34

Why did you post? What were you expecting?

kenickielovesrizzo Mon 29-Apr-13 21:00:08

Okay people. I've opened a can of mass proportions. Sorry. Didn't realise these boards were only for women who have never made a mistake.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 29-Apr-13 21:07:12

The problem is, you don't seem to recognise that you have made a mistake. A bit more humble might have got more sympathy.

Georgebooboo Mon 29-Apr-13 21:10:44

I think it really depends on what u call a mistake. Falling into bed with another woman's husband isn't just a mistake by any stretch of the imagination. Speaking from experience i would say you deserve each other. So lets hope he does leave his wife and turn up on your door step. You can then live with the reality that one day he will shag around on you whilst his lovely wife will have chance to meet someone who she really deserves and not be living with a snake in the grass!!!

Shinigami Mon 29-Apr-13 21:11:42

When you posted this did you think you wouldn't get flamed?

akaWisey Mon 29-Apr-13 21:12:06

Well I've never insulted ANYONE here. But I feel I have to say:

I hope you're a better shag than you are at sarcasm (which by the way gives the lie to your so-called guilt. You're not guilty AT ALL but wanted some attention).

kenickielovesrizzo Mon 29-Apr-13 21:12:53

hi LEM. I realise that now. I know I've made a mistake of mass proportions (in life, not on the board - though maybe that too!)

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