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Question for those with Grown up kids

(19 Posts)
nailak Sun 28-Apr-13 23:04:33

Say you had a 25 year old son, he had been abroad doing masters for a year, came back with his gf while writing dissertation, gf lived with you a month or so until finding postgrad house share.

How much would you expect him to do in the house while writing dissertation?

How much would you expect him to do in 5 months after he finished while he was job searching? (and on jsa)

in term =s of housework, shopping, diy, contributing?

Shallishanti Sun 28-Apr-13 23:10:06

I'd expect him to do a fair share of housework (ie 1/3 if there are 3 adults), not diy as prob doesn't have the skills, not the shopping as prob wouldn't have the skills (other than go out for specific stuff)- money- I wouldn't expect much unless things were very tight.

LineRunner Sun 28-Apr-13 23:14:06

If they were living with me at my expense, I'd expect him/them to do their own laundry and cleaning and shopping, to run the hoover round a couple of times a week, and be generally helpful.

nailak Sun 28-Apr-13 23:21:45

do u think living in a foreign country as a post grad student gave shopping skills?

diy like scraping wallpaper off and stuff... if you had a full time job would you do it yourself while your son was home?

LineRunner Sun 28-Apr-13 23:26:29

I am trying to train my teenagers up to go out shopping with the magical devices known as money and lists. It can't be that hard.

And nailak yes I think you should be able to point to a wall, hand over a scraper, and say, 'Could you scrape that down while I'm out at work.' Or at least do it together so it takes you half the time.

nailak Sun 28-Apr-13 23:29:10

so what if a mum is doing laundry cooking everything and is going its ok my son volunteers one hour a week and does cooking a couple of times, baked potatoes, and her partner is getting vexed saying he is a grown man, and she is saying you are making me choose between u and my son

nailak Sun 28-Apr-13 23:29:45

she makes excuses like depressed not streetwise, no father to set him up in business...

LineRunner Sun 28-Apr-13 23:30:52

Big family talk time, I reckon.

QueenofWhispers Sun 28-Apr-13 23:35:17

wait, a father is supposed to set up a business for a son?

nailak Sun 28-Apr-13 23:36:04

that came about because mums partner was comparing with his nephew of the same age who has studied and has started his own architecture firm

suchashame Sun 28-Apr-13 23:42:01

I would certainly expect at least a token monetary contribution towards bills or food shopping depending on everyone's financial status.... and definitely sharing of tasks like cooking/laundry. Difficult to say precisely depending on your working hours too but def need some sort of chat to set up a rota methinks !

caroldecker Mon 29-Apr-13 00:24:02

If he is not paying financially then more than a third - should be doing housework/diy instead, so perhaps 90/100%

Shallishanti Mon 29-Apr-13 13:31:28

shopping, OK with a list and some money, what I mean is I wouldn't send out a 20 someting with a debit card and instructions to get a week's shop for 3 adults!
DIY, yes, help out or carry out a specific task, but I wouldn't expevct to be able to say 're-decorate that room please'. I would expect that having a grown adult would significantly decrease, not increase the amount of domestic work I had to do. Possibly this young man doesn't realise the amount of work that gets done, and so doesn't resalise what a fair share of it would be. So, I'd start the rota talk by listing ALL the jobs that need doing- cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry and start discussing how to fairly divide it up. If he's writing a dissertation, I wouldn't expect him to do more than a fair share, that's work after all.

nailak Mon 29-Apr-13 15:07:31

but why not? how old were u when you got married? when i was 25 i had kids and everything!

but good advice re rota!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 29-Apr-13 16:33:22

I'd expect proper rent and a significant contribution to running the home! £250/month is the Rent A Room scheme suggestion. Where would he live for less than that? He's 25 not some bit of a kid. If he doesn't want to shift himself he should set up solo and see how he gets on without Mummy the Slave

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 29-Apr-13 16:34:25

'no father to set him up in business'....... <rolls eyes> Welcome to the real world. We're not all related to Alan Sugar...

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 29-Apr-13 16:38:21

So you're the partner nailak and this mum thinks you're being too hard on her precious ickle boy expecting him to pitch in?

likeitorlumpit Mon 29-Apr-13 20:45:29

id expect a small amount of money if he gets jsa, do his own washing,ironing,cleaning,bit of diy or he will never learn. nothing like a lioness protecting her cub smile but think she should cut the cord now or no one will want the wuss and you will be stuck with him forever.

nailak Mon 29-Apr-13 20:54:28

nah im the sis.... lol

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