Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is this more mind games?

(5 Posts)
catkin14 Sun 28-Apr-13 13:36:40

Its been about 7 weeks since i left H of 26 years, very clever manipulative man, critical but such a jolly nice chap to the outside world. I had to leave for self preservation although that makes it sound pathetic which it wasnt and i still doubt and question myself at every turn.

Until last week H has been devastated, crying and trying to get me back through youngest DS (14).
He has been making an effort to see all DS which is a great improvement as they barely knew he existed before nor he them but because of this they have all struggled a bit because they just never used to see him before. Or even speak to each other.

I spoke to him yesterday and asked if he was seeing DS today, he said he didnt know, had to see his mother and play sport in the morning..whereas till last week he was very upset if he didnt see him..

And he seemed very happy which is complete contrast to the last weeks..

I know it is none of my business what he is doing which is fine but i feel a bit suspicious because of this total turn round. Is this more mind games or is he just trying to move on? Still strange about not seeing youngest DS tho as he works away all week and the weekend is the only time he can see him..

sorry if i sound crazy, head in a funny place hmm confused

Anniegetyourgun Sun 28-Apr-13 13:46:38

Have you considered that it was the devastated, crying H that was playing the mind games, and that the not-particularly-bothered H is due to him forgetting to keep up the act? If he never had much to do with his offspring before the split, then all of a sudden he can't live without them, that sounds less in character than the "not sure if I have time for DS, I've got some Very Important Sport to play instead" - don't you think?

I don't blame you for your head being in a funny place. If someone tells you up is down for long enough your head begins to swim and you start hanging on very tightly to the floor. (Been there.) Give it enough time away from him and it'll begin to clear up.

catkin14 Sun 28-Apr-13 13:52:12

Thanks Annie, no i hadnt thought of that..

I feel so guilty for leaving him that i tend to believe everything he says!
And then i think, would H lie to me like that?
Because i feel sorry for him, yet i saw no remorse from him when he was being nasty to his family.
Thanks for a more objective view! Its much easier to have a clearer view from the outside?

delilahlilah Sun 28-Apr-13 13:52:37

what Annie said. I think he has been using the DC to get to you. Sorry he''s such a shit. Keep strong.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 28-Apr-13 14:18:44

Oh yes, much easier from outside. Like I say, I've been there. If you're anything like I was you'll have spent years trying to believe the best of him, interpreting his little untruths as, er, sort of true if you consider the bigger picture hmm, defending him to other people etc etc. It's a hard habit to break.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now