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Playing it cool or not ?

(28 Posts)
Mosman Sun 28-Apr-13 10:44:18

I'm so out if practice and usually fuck these things up to be honest but here goes.
Had a date for lunch, he spent the whole time Tring to kiss me and we ended up snogging in the car park. He then he invited me for lunch and I couldn't make it, then dinner and I cancelled at the 11th hour.
Since then we've had another lunch date and another coffee which ended up getting completely carried away and sex happened.
So he's gone away for a week to see his kids - I've had the drunken I love you texts - I want to ask him out god dinner and do the whole staying over thing properly but am worried whenever I've taken any unitive it seems to go downhill from there.
Shall I let him carry on doing the running or does there come a point where things even themselves out ?

Mosman Sun 28-Apr-13 10:45:16

Sorry for typos on the phone

DaydreamDolly Sun 28-Apr-13 10:49:21

Just ask him! He's obviously keen! Have fun smile

Fallenangle Sun 28-Apr-13 10:49:54

You have certainly let him make the running. Are you wanting to back off?

Mosman Sun 28-Apr-13 11:14:30

No not at all I'm keen ... He said I'd warmed up a bit last time we met lol

Mosman Mon 29-Apr-13 10:00:33

But then we did have sex so I guess that's about as warm as you get really

BobblyGussets Mon 29-Apr-13 10:03:12

Ask him to dinner. You aren't begging him and you both seem keen. Have a good time.

Dahlen Mon 29-Apr-13 10:07:24

So you've had two dates and hes sending "I love you" texts?

Personally, rather than letting him do the running I'd be running for the hills!

pictish Mon 29-Apr-13 10:09:48

I think you should both play it cool.
After two dates he's texting that he loves you? Drunk is nothing to do with it, but slightly worrying that he should be spending the week with his kids getting drunk.

You don't HAVE to be in a relationship you know...

pictish Mon 29-Apr-13 10:10:20

x posted with dahlen there

Mosman Mon 29-Apr-13 10:12:37

He's at his parents house, so kids are well looked after and not babies. Don't worry I laughed at the I love you texts and told him so too

AnyFucker Mon 29-Apr-13 10:13:48

Bit of a fast mover, ain't he ?

Bit of a saddo to be sending "I love you" texts after 2 dates too

Are you sure about this ....sounds like another Big Fucking Mess to me.

pictish Mon 29-Apr-13 10:15:54

Even so.

Mosman Mon 29-Apr-13 10:21:47

Oh great I do pick em ..... Maybe on to the next one lol

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 29-Apr-13 10:29:57

" he spent the whole time Tring to kiss me and we ended up snogging in the car park"

What is he 14? hmm He has 'desperate' written all over him, sorry.

pictish Mon 29-Apr-13 10:34:18

I have to add that while it is to each their own of course, a second date for coffee, would never have ended up in bed for me! Particularly when he had spent the first date lunging for me!!

WHOOOOAAAA there horsie! The guy sounds a complete disaster!

pictish Mon 29-Apr-13 10:37:44

Seriously...this bloke just wants a girlfriend...he doesn't care who it is. This enthusiasm is for what you represent rather than who you are.

I apologise if that's rough or makes you feel sad...but better to figure this one out now than a few weeks down the line when he's moved in and can't be arsed with your kids. Or whatever.

Mosman Mon 29-Apr-13 10:44:49

Oh he wouldn't be moving in that's been made very clear, not happening. He's absolutely minted and been taken to the cleaners in his divorce so I'm certain that's not on his mind either

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 29-Apr-13 10:45:44

I don't know, I'd probably feel a bit startled by "I love you" texts after 2 dates but having DTD I'd probably be more upset if he didn't send something upbeat and positive. Sorry, am another person out of dating practice.

pictish Mon 29-Apr-13 10:50:36

Being taken to the cleaners eh? Is that what he says?

My advice to you would be to put the breaks on.
I wish you all the very best, but I feel you are heading straight for a crash.
Just my doesn't matter...nothing I say will deter you.

Good luck. xxx

Dahlen Mon 29-Apr-13 10:50:59

Nothing wrong with sex on a second or even first date as long as you're careful and it's what you want (really, rather than some self-destructive way of proving your own desirability to yourself).

However, another thing jumps out at me from your posts in this thread.

The first is your comment that he was at his parents' house and the children were older so didn't need that much looking after. He's divorced/separated obviously as he;s dating you. So he doesn't see his DC as often as if he was living with their mother. I don't advocate sacrificing oneself on the altar of parental martyrdom, but someone who only has a fixed, finite amount of time with their children should not be abdicating responsibility for them onto his parents and drinking to the point of being drunk. They may not need 'looking after' as such, but the least they should expect from their father is his full attention and focus - particularly the next morning when he's bound to be a little sluggish (if not actively hungover) from drinking too much the night before. Where's his get-up-and-go, wanting to maximise the day with them? I suspect you may have just glimpsed a window into why his relationship with the children's mother went wrong...

Then there's that age-old classic that he's been "taken to the cleaners" by his XW - while it suited me to have her career suffer from taking full responsibility for all things domestic while I was busy building my career, now she's left me I don't want to pay back in kind.

Mosman Mon 29-Apr-13 11:02:57

Well the story I have and I'm well aware it is one sided is that he's spending the money fighting to see his children who've been taken by the ex wife to the other side of Australia. She neither needs or wants money just isn't being co operative re the kids. And I have no evidence he was drunk, just assumed so given the I love ya texts, is it worse if he was sober ?

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 29-Apr-13 11:09:44

She may not be co-operative with the children for good reason. You don't know her side of the story.

I would steer well clear of this man from now on, he's certainly in no position to start another relationship at this time.

Mosman Mon 29-Apr-13 11:11:56

He's been divorced four years, not like its all new to him.
However this is another issue where I live, half the guys are away from home a lot, it's crossed my mind he may not even actually be bloody divorced.

QuintessentialOHara Mon 29-Apr-13 11:14:43


He spent a lunch date trying to snog you???? shock

What a twat.

He kept pestering you for kisses and you eventually had sex? Where? In a back alley? In the car? Where do you have sex on a lunch date?

He texts "I love you" when drunk, after just a few dates?

He is a creep!

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