I am working overseas at the moment, doing a very stressful job that leaves me little time to do anything else. Because of that my OH stayed back home with our two children (3 & 6). About 2 months ago I found out that my OH had been kissing her best friends partner. Wed had problems before I left but I challenged her, forgave her and she promised it would stop. She made me promise not to tell the OM's partner. All seemed good when I came back home for a visit a month ago. She even told me that she thought it had strengthened out relationship. Now I have found out they were having chips and champagne together in the park almost as I was flying back. They say it is all over but I dont know what else has happened between them. I am in two minds what to do. On the one hand I dont want to lose our family but on the other I find that I cant possibly trust her ever again. Should I tell the OMs partner hes lost nothing so far.
Temptation would be to tell her, but it would be hurting her possibly more than him - and she is innocent, just as you are. Personally, no I wouldn't trust her - but for me cheating is a deal breaker. Don't do anything in the heat of the moment. You need to think things through. Take your time, and listen to the good advice you will undoubtedly get. I'm sorry you are going through this
I think you need to stand firm and tell her you won't accept second best. Of course she will be happy to have her cake and eat it, but you mustn't stand for this, easier said than done I know.
Would the threat of telling the om's partner make them stop? It could be a very useful tool, although I'm not sure if you should actually carry it out. Make sure you see your dcs, and try not to say anything to them.
It depends on what you want to achieve by telling her.
If it's revenge on OM ("he's lost nothing so far") then I'd say don't do it. Keep your dignity by not seeking any kind of revenge. Do the best for your family. That doesn't mean you should stay in your relationship .. Leave by all means if that's what you want ... but don't stir up someone else's life just to get your revenge.
On the other hand, if you want to tell her because you feel she has a right to know ... go for it. You have the moral high ground and if I was her I'd want to know.
I think you have all your answers right there. Whether you should tell the OM's partner is a tough one, i would suggest most people would rather be told ASAP rather than end up thinking the whole universe knew before they did. But ..its up to you.
The repeated abuse of your trust would be a deal breaker for most people i think, once was enough for me. Even if they don't admit it immediately it is likely to play another role further down the line.
I suggest you read some of the other parts of mumsnet, specifically legal to get an idea what you might have to face should you move on.