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Can any1 help me to understand my boyfriend please?

(8 Posts)
Angelina7 Sat 27-Apr-13 01:16:34

Hi all,

I am so confused and feel helpless right now, not to mention alone ...

I am 21 weeks pregnant and despite early signs my bf wasn't going to stick by me with the decision I made to keep our unplanned baby, he surprised me by really turning himself around and staying with me, accepting we are going to have a child together and when we spend time together he really shows affection and tenderness to me and bump, or he did up until just over a week ago when he came with me to the 20 wk scan...

all is healthy & we found out we are having a little girl. Anyway to cut to the chase we went to lunch together after the scan, then he got all funny, started making problems about nothing (I was upset but didn't argue back), then i dropped him home where he literally ran away from me as i tried to address what had happened (as I was so confused it was so out of the blue) & I haven't heard from him since and it was a week ago now. .... What am I supposed to think? I was happy our baby appears healthy, but I was so sad that instead of enjoying this happy time, he just goes into hiding with no explanation, nothing I can reason with.

... Is this just a freak out as the reality sinks in? ...Has anybody had this prob b4 & overcome it?

I have reached out to him countless times with no response and I finally cracked a little today and sent him a message which sounded a bit cross! But I don't want to do the wrong thing, I don't want to push him away but neither do I want to be a pushover time and time again. I could really do with his emotional support right now but if he has changed his mind about me/baby i need to know for the road ahead. Please advise.

Thank u xxx

Fanjango Sat 27-Apr-13 01:20:09

Sounds like the reality that there is a real little human being has been too much for him. Sorry but this does not look good, a few hours (even a day) is one thing, ignoring you for a week looks like a more serious issue sad

WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo Sat 27-Apr-13 01:22:42

has he replied to your message?

very hurtful of him to stop contact when you are so vulnerable.

it could be taht reality is sinking in, it could be that he was hoping for a boy? we really can only guess so until he speaks to you we cant know.

i would get in touch with him again and basically ask him straight whether he wants to be with you and the baby or not because you need to make plans for if he's ending it.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sat 27-Apr-13 08:22:14

Honestly, it sounds like he has changed his mind about being supportive and caring and a father/partner to you and his child.

There isn't really anything you can do about that. He may come around or he may not. But, I think you should focus on yourself and the baby and assume that you will be on your own and brace yourself for that. If he changes his mind and wants to be an involved father, great. But, don't waste any precious energy trying to make him do anything.

Once the baby is born, you will have some legal recourse to getting him to at least pay support.

Hissy Sat 27-Apr-13 09:04:14

For your own sake, write him off now.

Anything he does deign to do for his DD, all great, but forget being there for you.

Thing is, if you run after him, he'll run away faster. So stop! Don't text, call, nothing. You'll appear desperate, feed his crappy ego and have him feeling contemptuous of you, giving himself licence to be cruel.

No-one has that right. Not EVER.

Be strong, you're not alone here, there's many people here to listen to you and be there for you.

pinkyredrose Sat 27-Apr-13 13:34:05

I don't think he wants a baby. So sorry for you that he's being an arse but I think you should prepare for him not to come back.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 27-Apr-13 13:39:19

I agree with Hissy. Assume from this point that you're doing this solo. Be your own person, make your own arrangements and set things up so that they are right for you & the baby... no-one else. Don't wait for him to condescendingly decide if you're worth sticking around and emphatically DON'T chase after him because, as you say, you keep 'reaching out' and he keeps on rejecting you. Self-respect is now the order of the day. You don't need someone this flaky.

EllaFitzgerald Sat 27-Apr-13 13:59:03

How old is he Angelina? He sounds quite young, and like the reality of seeing an actual baby rather than just a bump has made him panic and run.

I know it would be lovely to have him there by your side and supporting you, but I think you have to prepare yourself for the fact that it probably isn't going to happen like that. Make plans for yourself and the baby, without relying on him and then you won't be let down if he doesn't come back. If he turns himself around again, then great, but don't rely on him.

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