ex won't tell me why but he's reported me to social services. this morning. we have been separated for 2 years now and this is totally out of the blue. Do you think it's because I went out last night? leaving my son alone. he is 15 by the way
Yes perhaps its because you went out last night. He's being a twunt; this is all designed to put you on the back foot and I hope Social Services give him the contempt he deserves. He could well be using potential SS involvement against you as further "punishment" for you having the "gall" in his eyes to leave him.
Fine. But he has now used up the only 'power' he's got in this process. The rest of it is out of his control. They aren't going to pot you for something just because your ex thinks they should. So you can calmly tell him to get stretched.
Can't imagine SS getting worried about a 15-year old left alone.
SS get these kind of malicious complaints all the time. My ex has made quite a few - the last one was that I pushed my DD down the stairs, which I find kind of funny in an appalling way (I was bloody upset at the time, mind you).
Don't worry about it. SS might want to talk to you. Just be upfront. SS will suss out your ex very quickly.
I doubt social services will visit you without giving you any notice. They would most likely call you first to say that they've had a report and to arrange an appointment with you, if they would take it that far. A report of a boy being left alone for the evening is not a serious report. It is not illegal in the slightest and they would not bother taking any action.
My concern would be that he could have made something up, depending on how bitter he is. But you have to remember that your children are 14 and 15, so hardly vulnerable toddlers. If he has made something up, social services will still arrange an appointment with you and it will be fairly obvious from speaking to you and the children that the report is unfounded.
All your ex is doing is endangering his own relationship with his children who won't be too pleased to discover that they are being used by him as weapons.
Twunt says that SS contacted him. He assumes that they had a referral from my dd's counsellor.
That does actually make sense to me. I've got a thread on teenagers at the moment. my dd is in a very dark place at the moment and I have arranged counselling for her for one hour a week. in fact, it was womens aid who arranged it for me.
I can only guess she venting her speen about me to her counsellor but I know that I haven't done anything wrong, its just dd hurting (and lashing out at me).
feel a little bit better now, but sad nonetheless.
THERhubarb - yes i'm pretty sure my dd has been fabricating stories about me. Sigh, that's another matter to deal with, although I think it would be best if she went to live with her dad as she is clearly unhappy here.
The NSPCC advises that children over the age of 12 are fine to be left alone. Once they get to 14 I think, they are deemed capable of looking after younger siblings.
Leaving your 15yr old alone for the day/evening is nothing. I'd be concerned if you thought you couldn't.
My sister's 15yr old dd goes off for days at a time and they have no idea where she is. She drinks, she's had unprotected sex (resulting in a baby) and often stays out overnight. Social services are fully aware of the situation but have not done a damn thing about it. So I really wouldn't worry.
Yes it's a specialised counselling that I got for her, organised through a domestic abuse charity - she is wasting an opportunity really as it's an ideal opportunity for her to talk about herself and her feelings and yet she spends the whole hour just slagging me off - AND I'M THE ONE WHO DRIVES HER THERE AND WAITS AND FETCHES HER BACK
But you don't know that. These sessions are confidential.
Tbh, I don't know you or your situation but you do sound kinda resentful of her. I can understand that she is probably making your life hell right now but she also has issues that she needs to deal with. You have only mentioned about what you have done for her and implied how ungrateful she is?
Kids are naturally ungrateful. You have no idea why social services have been contacted. The counsellor might have thought that both of you could do with the extra help and support? Or it could just be about your ex - after all wouldn't they have contacted you in the first instance? Why contact him?
She sounds very troubled and trust me when I say that when a teenager is seemingly pushing you away, they actually want the very opposite. They are testing your love, pushing you to the very edge sometimes because they don't think that you could possibly love them so they set out to prove it. It doesn't make sense I know, but nothing does when you are that age.
Please do try to reach out to her. I know you might be doing this already, I can only go from the signals I'm getting on here.