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ex has just told me he's reported me to social services

(19 Posts)
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 26-Apr-13 13:08:37

ex won't tell me why but he's reported me to social services. this morning. we have been separated for 2 years now and this is totally out of the blue. Do you think it's because I went out last night? leaving my son alone. he is 15 by the way

musickeepsmesane Fri 26-Apr-13 13:11:30

Ask your ex. Your son is 15 ffs. Social services are overworked enough.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 26-Apr-13 13:12:15

Yes perhaps its because you went out last night. He's being a twunt; this is all designed to put you on the back foot and I hope Social Services give him the contempt he deserves. He could well be using potential SS involvement against you as further "punishment" for you having the "gall" in his eyes to leave him.

hotcrosbum Fri 26-Apr-13 13:14:57

If your son is 15, it would have to be something pretty horrendous for SS to get involved.

As you have no idea what it is, it's probably something petty and ridiculous that they won't be interested in. They certainly wont be interested in a 15 year old being alone for a few hours.

My ex is prone to doing stuff like that too. He called SS when my son broke his arm aged 10, saying I was to blame. He broke it AT SCHOOL ffs.

EldritchCleavage Fri 26-Apr-13 13:15:53

Fine. But he has now used up the only 'power' he's got in this process. The rest of it is out of his control. They aren't going to pot you for something just because your ex thinks they should. So you can calmly tell him to get stretched.

NicknameTaken Fri 26-Apr-13 13:18:09

Can't imagine SS getting worried about a 15-year old left alone.

SS get these kind of malicious complaints all the time. My ex has made quite a few - the last one was that I pushed my DD down the stairs, which I find kind of funny in an appalling way (I was bloody upset at the time, mind you).

Don't worry about it. SS might want to talk to you. Just be upfront. SS will suss out your ex very quickly.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 26-Apr-13 13:30:48

thank you everyone you're so supportive you really are.

I'm just guessing this is it. I would have also left my 14 year old dd home alone too but she was staying round his house last night anyway.

I have just emailed him to say "really? you've reported me to SS? How strange, Is there anything you want to talk about"

Will SS come here at the week-end do you think? It's just that I had planned to go out for the day then too!!!!! Am scared now and thinking of all the little things it could be.

THERhubarb Fri 26-Apr-13 13:35:32

I doubt social services will visit you without giving you any notice. They would most likely call you first to say that they've had a report and to arrange an appointment with you, if they would take it that far. A report of a boy being left alone for the evening is not a serious report. It is not illegal in the slightest and they would not bother taking any action.

My concern would be that he could have made something up, depending on how bitter he is. But you have to remember that your children are 14 and 15, so hardly vulnerable toddlers. If he has made something up, social services will still arrange an appointment with you and it will be fairly obvious from speaking to you and the children that the report is unfounded.

All your ex is doing is endangering his own relationship with his children who won't be too pleased to discover that they are being used by him as weapons.

hotcrosbum Fri 26-Apr-13 13:35:53

They phoned me first. They never actually came out for me though, as they called the school and were told that ds broke his arm there, called the hospital and saw I took him to A&E immediately.

They were nice to me, said that they often get malicious calls from ex partners.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 26-Apr-13 13:36:07

Ok so I've just had an answer to my email

Twunt says that SS contacted him. He assumes that they had a referral from my dd's counsellor.

That does actually make sense to me. I've got a thread on teenagers at the moment. my dd is in a very dark place at the moment and I have arranged counselling for her for one hour a week. in fact, it was womens aid who arranged it for me.

I can only guess she venting her speen about me to her counsellor but I know that I haven't done anything wrong, its just dd hurting (and lashing out at me).

feel a little bit better now, but sad nonetheless.

musickeepsmesane Fri 26-Apr-13 13:37:06


NicknameTaken Fri 26-Apr-13 13:37:48

In my experience SS will talk to you on the phone first. If they want to visit you at home, they will make an appointment. Go on your day out - don't give your ex the power to disrupt your palns..

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 26-Apr-13 13:38:23

THERhubarb - yes i'm pretty sure my dd has been fabricating stories about me. Sigh, that's another matter to deal with, although I think it would be best if she went to live with her dad as she is clearly unhappy here.

THERhubarb Fri 26-Apr-13 13:38:30

The NSPCC advises that children over the age of 12 are fine to be left alone. Once they get to 14 I think, they are deemed capable of looking after younger siblings.

Leaving your 15yr old alone for the day/evening is nothing. I'd be concerned if you thought you couldn't.

My sister's 15yr old dd goes off for days at a time and they have no idea where she is. She drinks, she's had unprotected sex (resulting in a baby) and often stays out overnight. Social services are fully aware of the situation but have not done a damn thing about it. So I really wouldn't worry.

THERhubarb Fri 26-Apr-13 13:40:45

Oh I am so sorry sad

Does your dd realise the consequences of what she is doing? I presumed you have liaised fully with the school regarding your dd and that you helped to arrange counselling, so SS will see this.

It might actually be a good thing you know, having them involved could lead to further help for your dd and you.


NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 26-Apr-13 13:42:02

Thank you all so much and thanks for the flowers musickeepsmesane

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 26-Apr-13 13:54:04

Yes it's a specialised counselling that I got for her, organised through a domestic abuse charity - she is wasting an opportunity really as it's an ideal opportunity for her to talk about herself and her feelings and yet she spends the whole hour just slagging me off - AND I'M THE ONE WHO DRIVES HER THERE AND WAITS AND FETCHES HER BACK

THERhubarb Fri 26-Apr-13 14:19:55

But you don't know that. These sessions are confidential.

Tbh, I don't know you or your situation but you do sound kinda resentful of her. I can understand that she is probably making your life hell right now but she also has issues that she needs to deal with. You have only mentioned about what you have done for her and implied how ungrateful she is?

Kids are naturally ungrateful. You have no idea why social services have been contacted. The counsellor might have thought that both of you could do with the extra help and support? Or it could just be about your ex - after all wouldn't they have contacted you in the first instance? Why contact him?

She sounds very troubled and trust me when I say that when a teenager is seemingly pushing you away, they actually want the very opposite. They are testing your love, pushing you to the very edge sometimes because they don't think that you could possibly love them so they set out to prove it. It doesn't make sense I know, but nothing does when you are that age.

Please do try to reach out to her. I know you might be doing this already, I can only go from the signals I'm getting on here.

perfectstorm Fri 26-Apr-13 14:47:31

Why does your dd need counselling from a specialist domestic abuse counsellor?

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