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MLC - suggestions and support please!

(10 Posts)
Sparkle91 Fri 26-Apr-13 09:37:57

DH of 20yrs has withdrawn over past year but especially since Xmas. He works long hours and has a highly stressful job. I work PT and we have 2 teenage sons. I've always put him and the kids first. Since Xmas he's shown little interest in me, sometimes completely ignoring me so my stomach would start churning in anticipation of his arrival home - I didn't know how to deal with it. Started seeing a counsellor which has helped - I don't think it's all in my head now. He is out at weekends doing his hobby so all in all doesn't spend much time at home. Things were getting better at Easter because I was able to get him to talk and start to say how I felt. Then I found out that he occasionally sees a female friend on his own - he would say he's seen her after the event. I said that it wasn't right and that he should be upfront about his plans but he says he's done nothing wrong. We talked around it but he wouldn't budge. Now he's withdrawn completely and won't talk to any of us unless spoken to. I'm at my wits end. Please help!

AnyFucker Fri 26-Apr-13 09:51:09

Oh dear

This is such a cliche, but you do realise there is Ow don't you?

More than likely this "female friend" he sees

Or possibly someone else

It doesn't matter who though, the fact is he has checked out of your relationship

If you want advice on how to keep him, I would say don't even try

NeverTooManyCats Fri 26-Apr-13 09:57:16

The female friend could be completely innocent, but from the other things you've written it doesn't sound likely.

The fact that he's not even speaking to your DC is very worrying. I agree with AF, it sounds like he is just distancing himself away from the family completely.

Im so sorry.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Apr-13 09:59:59

It's not a MLC it's a plain old-fashioned affair. Might be an emotional rather than a physical affair at this stage but, if it's enough to make him detach from your relationship, it doesn't really matter. Sorry you're in this situation but don't dither about waiting for him to decide if he wants to be part of the family or not. His behaviour is unacceptable, he's taking you completely for granted and, if he won't talk, you'll probably have to do something drastic.

AnyFucker Fri 26-Apr-13 10:02:41

OP, I am very sorry but I think he will find some excuse to leave the family very soon

Or more likely push you so much you tell him to leave so he doesn't look like the bad guy

I would just cut out many more months of this hell and give him what he clearly wants....tell him to leave while you evaluate whether you want someone who respects you so little on your life

AnyFucker Fri 26-Apr-13 10:03:26


PeppermintPasty Fri 26-Apr-13 10:05:09

He sounds very unreasonable indeed. Not talking to any of you? What a class act.

I agree that it is probably an ow I'm afraid. We may be wrong, but, in the mean time, how about you? Have you got good friends you can confide in, good support? Would you confront him further, and push things to a head, or would you rather not know any more?

Questions questions....What I probably mean is, tell us a bit more about you (if you want to) smile

Sparkle91 Fri 26-Apr-13 10:18:02

Thanks for your messages. I don't think it's OW, actually. It only hurts because he's withdrawn from me but this repetition of 'nothing wrong' and unwillingness to negotiate is really difficult. He doesn't know what he wants. He's been talking for ages about giving up his job to do something else but he hasn't done anything yet. I said I would go FT if needed. I swing from feeling desperate and wishing I'd die in my sleep to feeling positive that I can overcome this situation. Counselling has helped a bit and I've spoken to a couple of close friends who have urged me to look after myself and keep busy. Dreading the weekend sad

AnyFucker Fri 26-Apr-13 10:57:21

How can you overcome this situation on your own, love ?

akaWisey Fri 26-Apr-13 19:27:43

Sorry, but I don't think it's a crisis either, at least not a mid life crisis. His crisis is there's a OW, he's emotionally entangled if not physically (or thinking about it) and the sign that worries me further is he's talking about giving up his job - that tells me he's thinking about a major life change.

You must start thinking about taking the reins OP. You probably don't 'need' counselling as such because my guess is if he wasn't being so bloody-minded you'd feel fine.

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