please help me - I think I am really screwed up!

[thisisthemoment]

I think I need an outside perspective on what is happening to me !

I have been with dp nearly 3 years, moved in with him for nearly 2 years.

We have a very volitile relationship, arguments are frequent and to be honest normally started by me.

The arguing used to be over him texting and phoning a women "friend" which he was keeping hidden from me for over a year and I got really down about his lies.

An argument got so bad and horrible I got his phone a threw it accross the room - breaking it ( not something I am proud of) and he got me by my hair and pulled me to the front door.

Fast forward 6 months later, texts phonecall to his "friend" have stopped, he says he was cagey and defensive about it all, and promises
we will be happy and I can trust him, which I believe I can trust him.

But why can I not be happy! He gives me a secure home, and no real worries.

He tells me we could have a lovely relationship if it wasn't for me being so unhappy with him all the time, and I feel such a hassle to the relationship. I just feel so trapped though and like I don't no who I am anymore and I'm unsure of my own mind! if that makes sense?

There are things that just seem to bug me and I no they are stupid but
silly things, things that have never affected me in any past relationships.

I no I am exasperating him and I think this is making me feel really low about myself.

I just don't no what to do,
any help/opinions from anyone would be really amazing :)

[foolonthehill]

I think your unhappiness is telling you that this is not a healthy relationship. Even if the things in the past really are in the past, there are other things that are making you unhappy now.

If you are not married and have no children i would seriously consider leaving the relationship. A "secure home and no real worries" are not reason enough to stay. The things that "never affected you in past relationships" probably mean that they were healthier relationships than this.

You can't just stop being unhappy at your P's command, and unless you are clinically depressed, (in which case best not to make any long term decisions until you have been treated) you are being made unhappy by your life situation with him.

Consider what, if any, are the things that are keeping you there. Then decide how you want to live the rest of your life.

[foolonthehill]

PS Marriage and children don't necessarily make it wrong to leave either...but much more complicated