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Ok, I'm doing it....I am really doing it....!!(7 Posts)
So after months of posting about my EA H I am finally taking the next step. I had an amazing meeting with a wonderful family law solicitor on Friday who really helped me get my head clear. So different to the first solicitor I saw who couldn't really tell me anything until I gave her £500 to "open a file"...
My main priority has always been to try and stay in the family home with my DS who is 5, the strain of losing my Mum affected him so badly and his home is his sanctury and one constant thing in his life. The solicitor said that although these things can't be set in stone (which I fully accept), my request to stay in the home is not unreasonable and I can show that I can afford to - I also have a lot of barter with in form of maintanence requests and claims on his business and pension so I came out of the meeting far more confident and stronger than I've felt in a long time. Plus she was incredibly supportive over both the emotional abuse and domestic abuse I've endured over the years.
She told me what I already know but have been scared of, which is that he will be vile when I tell him I want to stay in the house. He is going to call me a money grabbing bitch etc, which he already has done several times, and a lot worse (as I wrote about in my original thread above) but as she said they are just words, and eventually they won't hurt as much.
At the moment he is refusing to leave the house and says that the only way he will go is to sell, he likes to be in control and is in the process of selling our family car so that he can take half of the money and give me the other half to buy a car for myself and my son - the solicitor advised I let him do this as it's one more thing he doesn't have control of me over - then when it is done, sit him down and tell him calmly that I have filed for divorce, (filled out my petition - ready to go eeeek!), I will be requesting mediation, if he doesn't agree to mediation the next step will be court.
Can't believe I'm actually going to do it but mentally cannot take any more of living with this man.
I asked him to have our son for the day on Sunday (the first day out I've had since December last year) and originally he agreed, but then Sunday morning he was vile, calling me a selfish bitch for only wanting to spend time with my friends, telling me I had my priorities all wrong and so I told him he was pathetic, to which he then threatended to go to work so I couldn't go out for the day, I told him to go if he wanted to, or step up and spend the day with his son for a change. My DS was upset by this point because Daddy was being mean to his Mummy and he didn't want me to go - taxi was booked for 10 minutes time, he agreed at the 11th hour to look after our son but not before ranting a load of abuse at me. I held it together, got in the taxi and once I met up with my friends I just burst into tears. Partly anger, part guilt for leaving my DS with him, although I knew once the front door was shut he'd become "super dad" as usual. But more than anything he doesn't get to do that to me anymore, no more.
So here I am - the journey starts now....
Thank you for your support over recent months - it's taken me a while!!
Oh, good for you! Keep going.... It will be worth it.
Good on you.
I hope all goes smoothly, although you'll have to count on him being even more obnoxious to start with.
Thank you!!!! Oh, I know, I fully expect him to be vile. He often tells me I'm a parasite and he should've left me in the gutter where he found me...(funny as I don't recall meeting him in a gutter....!!). He can't possibly break me any more than he has, I'm done with letting him do that.
Well done you! Even though he will undoubtedly make things difficult, I'm pretty sure you'll be surprised at how easily you take things in your stride. It's amazing how much simpler these things are to deal with when you've regained your self respect and don't have someone undermining you on a daily basis. Good luck.
oh wow well done! I have never been in your exact situation but can I just say that once you are removed from the influence someone toxic and draining can have on your life, the world becomes such a bloody nice place! It feels very freeing
Thank you so much - when he isn't around I feel so different. The atmosphere is different, everything feels better. I want that for me and my DS all the time.
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