Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Too many baby mothers.

(10 Posts)
Mumsaregreat Wed 24-Apr-13 17:30:44

Help please!!So the guy I have gone out with 10 years ago is back in my life and he is great, kind, loving, will do anything for me. He has also asked me to marry him. We started going out 2 years ago and haven't had any cause for concern besides this BIG red flag. He is 44 and l am 37. I have one daughter and He has 4 children( 1 girl, 3boys) all by different mothers. Ages are 19, 16,11,3. He looks after all his kids and they don't want for anything. He doesn't get to see the first 3 as much as he would like as they live the other end of the country, moved for better job etc.

He was married to 2 the first and third. The other two were unplanned. The first 3 mothers are not a problem and have moved on. Problem is the 4 th mother who lives an hour drive away from us and won't let him see his child as often as he can because of me and also she only wants him to go to her house and see his son there. He is now going through courts for visitation so hopefully that will be resolved.

My question is, am I heading for a fall? I love him and do want to spend my life with him but I do have some doubt about a man with that many kids by diff women. I told him right from the start no kids and he is ok with that. He just wants to settle down and has said he has her there done that etc.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 24-Apr-13 17:39:15

What would be going through my mind is, that if there have been that many casual and failed relationships, what is the common denominator? And I'd be worried that, however nice he seems now, he could be suffering from 'Henry VIII' syndrome... ie. wasn't his wives that were the bad guy.

skaboy Wed 24-Apr-13 17:39:37

This is interesting - I don't know how he would compare to a guy who has four kids by the same woman in terms of the issues you mention? I would judge him on his personality at the moment as certainly the older two were born years ago, so perhaps he really does want to settle down. Although it might be helpful for you to know why the individual relationships broke down?

Mumsaregreat Wed 24-Apr-13 17:42:05

Also last mother, they were not serious and she got pregnant at age 44 and I know he should have been careful also but he says she swore she was on BC. And at age 44 he thought she was done having kids as she already has 2 so maybe a mistake on both parts or just on his? Please help, I don't want to let something good go but his track record is not good but do people change??

skaboy Wed 24-Apr-13 17:46:02

Take it slow whilst you work out whether he is genuine - that would be my advice. I'm only 36 and have 4 already (albeit from 1 relationship), so I guess at his age that's enough time to have a few genuine 'mistakes' and two 'planned' babies.

Has he had the snip?

Mumsaregreat Wed 24-Apr-13 17:48:19

He has never blamed the mothers, it has been him not wanting to stay fir the kids sake. sometimes relationships don't work out and this is bad cuz there are kids involved but another guy might have 10 failed relationships but cuz there are no kids it doesn't show and unless he tells you, you won't know.

Mumsaregreat Wed 24-Apr-13 17:49:55

Thanx for the advice.

Mumsaregreat Wed 24-Apr-13 17:53:02

@skaboy. I have already asked him and he is thinking about it. But I know how BC wrks so there is no issue about me getting pregnant. Thanx.

wilkos Wed 24-Apr-13 21:10:59

Regardless of whether its a red flag that he has4 kids by 4 different women, it will be a total PITA being step mum to 4 kids who have grown up in completely separate families to each other. I can't even imagine how you will work out the logistics of seeing them all, considering you have one of your own and you may well have another with him!

Proceed with caution OP

wilkos Wed 24-Apr-13 21:12:47

Oops just seen the first three don't live near enough for regular access... even so it still sounds like a massive headache to me

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: