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was this abuse?

(9 Posts)
Truckadoodledo Wed 24-Apr-13 15:51:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Truckadoodledo Wed 24-Apr-13 15:53:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatyTheCleaningLady Wed 24-Apr-13 15:55:47

Hell yes that's abuse!

Maybe it was a "joke" but that's still sexual assault/harassment/abuse.

That said... don't feel that you are obligated to feel the way other people think you should feel. Just because you were abused doesn't mean you have to feel the same way as other victims have felt. Some people are traumatized to the point of needing serious help getting on with their lives. Some people seem to sort of shrug it off.

So, yes. What your father did was a form of sexual abuse. But, not all sexual abuse is violent rape or something like that. I think a lot of victims struggle with their feelings because they think if it were really abuse it should have played out in a certain way or made them feel a certain way either at the time or now that they're thinking back on it.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 24-Apr-13 16:02:12

You begged and pleaded for him to stop. He touched you in ways you don't touch a child, you don't touch your own child or anyone who hasn't consented to it.

However, you are allowed to feel any way you feel about it. It doesn't matter how you are 'supposed' to feel. Also, your pain is your pain. There is always someone, somewhere who has a 'worse' history. That doesn't make your pain less.

People who are abusive find ways to make it 'OK'. So, it's a joke, it's not really bad, you didn't mind and all that. This can mess with your head. Give yourself time to process it.

Xales Wed 24-Apr-13 16:05:14

It was abuse.

Just because it isn't as 'bad' as what others have suffered does not make it better.

It was still totally and utterly wrong.

You have every right to be upset about it.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Wed 24-Apr-13 16:08:46

Imho, it was abuse; sexual and emotional.
What Katy said, nice post.
Your father took advantage of your youth/innocence, and with the operational endorsement from your mother (who should have enforced a zero tolerance policy on his behavior no matter what), felt entitled to violate your personal space physically and also to verbally degrade you.

Have you talked to your sister about it?

Truckadoodledo Wed 24-Apr-13 16:19:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 24-Apr-13 16:23:21

Revisit them in your own time. Do you want to talk to a counsellor about it all?

madonnawhore Wed 24-Apr-13 16:29:13

If someone does something to you and you tell them to stop because you don't like it and they keep doing it: that's abusive.

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