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41 and 3 lovely dcs would love another but...

(19 Posts)
OnlyMe1971 Wed 24-Apr-13 07:25:33

Long story short, I'm old, obviously could be someone's granny at this point but have 3 small dcs under 6.5. They're great, the light of my life. Had 3 in quick succession and the youngest is now 3.5. I had 3 of the same sex and that is probably part of the reason I would love ot go again. But also, I always visualised myself having a large family. I am one of 8, Irish catholic family. We had a loud and busy household and we're all great friends now. After ds3 I still had that niggling feeling that our family wasn't complete. I left it and put it on the back burner and tried and tried to forget about it. I supress it for a while but the feeling keeps coming back.

There is not a day that goes by without that feeling of longing for another child in my life.

So I'm 41, very healthy and fit and active as is my DH and so are our kids. DH is 36. We're a happy family most of the time.

Noone can make this decision for me, but I can't get away from the feeling that maybe this is a selfish need inside of me that I should try to put to bed for once and for all.

My head is completely wrecked. DH says he is very happy with the family we have but if I really want to go again, he is okay with that.

Arrrrghh. Does anyone have any words of experience for me? I didn't put it on the big families forum as i know they'll all say to "go for it".

Thanks for reading!

Absolutelylost Wed 24-Apr-13 08:06:05

I had my fourth child at 42. She's now 5 and a joy!

Svrider Wed 24-Apr-13 08:37:25

If you can afford it financially and emotionally I'd say go for it
Good luck

LadyIsabellaWrotham Wed 24-Apr-13 08:41:41

Think about twins, think about Downs, think about miscarriages. Once you've thought hard about all of them then make your decision.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 24-Apr-13 08:44:28

If DH is happy about it, if you really fancy having 4 under 8, and won't suffer financially, it doesn't sound like there's a problem. You could stop using contraception and see. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. Any history of twins in either family...?

PS 41 is not old, some of us are beyond 41 and still not past it wink

Helltotheno Wed 24-Apr-13 08:47:41

Think about going through menopause and having to deal with bunch of stroppy teens!!

Up to you OP, though fundamentally I think trying for babies to have a baby of a particular sex is not fair on the new kid (if it's not the desired sex) or the other kids.

7to25 Wed 24-Apr-13 09:39:15

Hi, I cannot say anything as I have six children. The last one born when I was 44.
What you have to come to terms with is your reaction to a child that is the "wrong" sex. If you have a run of boys then, only in my observation of life, you will have another boy. How do you feel about that? If you are OK with that, then weigh up all the problems, including increasing tiredness as you approach the menopause, and make your decision.

OnlyMe1971 Wed 24-Apr-13 10:19:21

Thanks for all your responses.

We are very lucky to be comfortable financially and DH's job is secure. I also work 3 days per week and my boss is flexible.

Of course I would LOVE to have a girl, but I would be absolutely over the moon to have another boy too : ) After all, boys are all I know and I'm happy with that so far. THey are great pals and play so well together, when they're not fighting. I love seeing them interact and I enjoy their company hugely, they're hilarious smile when they're not driving me potty.

DH and I have been VERY slack in the bedroom since the arrival of little man number 3 and that would probably only get worse if we have another lil un. But DH is very understanding and lovely about all that thankfully.

When I meant I'm old, I meant old to be a Mum. Of course lots of you re older and probably look far younger than i do : ) so no offense meant there at all!

Today I'm swinging towards a yes, perhaps tomorrow will be different again. THank you for your opinions.

No history of twins...

jayho Wed 24-Apr-13 10:23:19

I had my second at 41 and third at 45. Had one mc between at 14 weeks. To be totally honest, despite having all the tests and everything being normal I was bricking it throughout my whole third pregnancy. Turned out to be a doddle, 40 minute labour, 9.5 lb baby fanny like the mersey tunnel obv

Knackered now though........

jayho Wed 24-Apr-13 10:25:14

Oh, and echoing hell, I was desperate not to have a girl with third pregnancy, being very aware that I would be 60 when she was 15 - it's a boy grin

carmenelectra Wed 24-Apr-13 11:40:24

Op I feel I'm in the same situation as you!

I'm 42 and keep thinking that I would like to do it all again. I too have 3 dc's of the same sex which is probably mainly the reason, though I also feel a longing just to have another child. My youngest is 3.4.

The sensible part tells me to call it a day and be happy with what I have. I'm knackered and so busy but do love it! We both work and earn good money but we are not finacially secure as we have lots of outgoings. Its such a dilemma!

I do think about age related risks but Downs wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen though it would change our family enormously. I'm very fit trim and active, as is dp. My dp isn't really keen on another but would go with the flow as he is very easy going.

The only advice I can give is the one I give myself- that you won't regret having another child, but you may regret NOT having one.

OP make your decision, then advise me lol.

Lovestosing Wed 24-Apr-13 20:47:24

OP I too would love another child, I had 3 in just over three and a half years, youngest has just turned 3. Unfortunately DH is not really up for having a fourth although he hasnt ruled it out. If your DH is willing and finances allow it, go for it! Good luck. I need to find a way to stop my broodiness!

trickydickie Wed 24-Apr-13 23:41:45

I have four, last one two months before I turned 40. I found having three children hard work and I find having four children hard work too. Do you have alot of support? I have a very supportive DH, he is a great Dad etc.but I still at times find it very hard work. We don;t get help off anyone else. No doting granparents to help out. Dc4 was born a couple of weeks before schools, nursery shut for summer hols. I had 7 weeks with three kids and a new born in the house, also had just moved to a new area so all was very stressful. I had a new born, 2.5 yr old, 4 yr old and 7 year old

I love all my kids, funnily enough we had three girls and then a son but it is hard work. Though much easier now the youngest is nearly 3. Dc4 was conceived 18 months after dh's vasectomy!!

I feel guilty that I don't have enough time for all of them. Dc4 has also had some health issues which meant some stays in hospital. He still has to have procedures carried out in hospital every few months, but much more manageable now the other three children are in school.

You might find it easier if you have a supportive network and you are fine financially.

You have also got to consider the extra work that comes with each child. Extra cooking, washing, tidying up etc. Getting three kids homework done whilst still having a crying baby/toddler to entertain. Managing kids activities for all four children (though I've tried to encourage them to like same things). The logistics of getting them there and back etc.

I hope I've not painted too gloomy a picture, I am just trying to be realistic.

I am sure you have considered all this, if you have and you still feel broody then definately go for it. There are some days that I love having my clan of 4 and I always feel so proud when I am out walking about with them all.

Good luck in your decision.

HermioneHatesHoovering Thu 25-Apr-13 00:47:29

There are things you can do to improve your chances of conceiving a particular sex, just sayin'.

HenrySugar Thu 25-Apr-13 04:12:43

In your situation I would go for it. I am almost 40, have 3 dcs and would love another but DH is 100% against the idea. My youngest is now 7 and I've tried to persuade DH to go for dc4 since dc3 was a baby, but he's not budging. Can't have a baby only one of us wants, so I'm focusing on being grateful for the 3 we have and moving on. I will always have a small regret I suppose, but I don't think about it that much anymore.

Almostfifty Thu 25-Apr-13 07:09:57

I don't think four was any harder than three really, the only thing that would stop me is that you've already just about finished with nappies etc and you should be starting to get sleep again.

I have four boys. Never really wanted a girl luckily!

OnlyMe1971 Thu 25-Apr-13 07:14:51

Gosh trickiedickie what you says really rings true to me, especially imagining what it's like with our already chaotic household, and then adding a newborn to the craziness.... hmmm.... today I'm swinging back to a no : )

We have no support. We live abroad. I have great friends and lots of them but they are all in the same situation, really busy, small kids and both parents working.

DH and I both feel that if we did go again, we would get an au pair.

Thanks for the input all smile

wreckitralph Thu 25-Apr-13 09:21:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xenia Thu 25-Apr-13 09:52:26

I have five. It's fun. Yes, go ahead. Have your fourth if you can.

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