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The train has departed Loserville - Next stop Happy Town.

(997 Posts)
LoserNoMore Tue 23-Apr-13 19:06:34

Just went to post on my other thread but it's full already!

I'll attempt to link it but I'm on my phone so probably won't work.

Excuse the cheesy title, my brain won't work. Just going to read last few replies on old thread.

cjel Tue 23-Apr-13 21:34:39

anyone know how esme is? I'm waiting for skipping to start?

LoserNoMore Tue 23-Apr-13 21:40:32

I've not heard from sil or his parents. Well apart from sil asking me why I had deleted her from FB, which I hadn't, I deactivated. His parents are going abroad for 3 months so probably busy preparing for that. Or that's what I keep telling myself. It's like I've lost a whole family actually and I'm the one in the wrong.

Was wondering about LittleEsme, hope she's ok.

lowercase Tue 23-Apr-13 21:41:01

The worst of it has to be over now, surely?
Wrt stbx it seems like they have come out on top, he takes the booby prize ( would laugh if it wasn't so effing tragic ) shirks his responsibility, and pleases himself...but the foundation of all of it is shit.
It will not stand.
Not their union, or happiness or credibility.

If only one could step back a bit and view the bigger picture, what we would see ahead, for you and your dear girls...happiness, joy, success, unity, clarity, love, respect, all on a firm foundation, a good, honest, foundation.
However others treat you, that's their thine self be true.

As you are.

50shadesofbrown Tue 23-Apr-13 21:41:42

Shameless marking of place. Really admire how you have handled everything.

lowercase Tue 23-Apr-13 21:46:24

His family may be waiting for his say so on how to behave.
I doubt they are taking it lightly.

Maybe you have a think about how to continue with them?
Unless they are abnormal they must be interested in the girls at least.

LoserNoMore Tue 23-Apr-13 21:52:43

I exchanged a brief text with mil last week. I sent some flowers and chocolates for her birthday, she text to say thank you and she hoped to see us before she leaves but that was me initiating the contact. I know I'm a nightmare for distancing myself from things and avoiding people when I feel I just want to be in my own, so I'm probably partly to blame for that.

imtheonlyone Tue 23-Apr-13 21:55:21

Am knackered so heading off to bed now. Good luck tomorrow lnm - will be thinking of you thanks

lowercase Tue 23-Apr-13 22:17:33

Sounds like the ball is in her court then?
True, she may be busy...but you think she would make an effort considering...
Maybe drop her a further text offering a possible date to see children?
Though if you are not feeling it, don't. sod them

Sidge Tue 23-Apr-13 22:23:03

LoserNoMore I've just read all your threads and wanted to say I think you're fucking awesome.

I'm you, a year down the line. I have 3 girls, my STBXH was having an affair with a woman who worked for him (what a bloody cliché eh?)

I found out April last year, he asked to stay and work it out, I reluctantly agreed, we had counselling and all that crap and then I found out in July he was still seeing her - he had her in his phone under a fake bloke's name. I kicked him out in July.

We are in the process of getting divorced, it still hurts like hell sometimes, I find it hard that the man I loved for so long, was married to for 15 years, is a stranger to me. I didn't know him at all.

BUT - I am far happier than I was a year ago, my girls are happier, we are secure, settled, contented and life is sweet.

My ex is still a Grade A twat but he's not really my problem any more grin

You are amazing.

LoserNoMore Tue 23-Apr-13 22:26:16

There's nothing stopping ex taking the dd's to see her and rest of the family. I don't want them not seeing their family. It could easily look like I'm being bitter and twisted and deliberately keeping them away which I'd never do. I know how important family is, I don't have one.

LoserNoMore Tue 23-Apr-13 22:27:52

Thanks sidge, it's nice to hear people coming out the other end happier.

CabbageLeaves Tue 23-Apr-13 22:34:44

Don't feel obliged to compensate for DP's failings or failings of the family. Don't cover...don't chase and don't be the one making their relationship with DDs work. If they want it (relatives not DDs!) they can do it.

If they don't want it ...all you are doing is papering over cracks and your DC will cope better now than later when a sense of rejection is more palpable for them.

I nearly didn't find this Fred.

candodad Tue 23-Apr-13 22:42:03


Quality thread though, she a fuckwit and will know it in time

tightfortime Tue 23-Apr-13 22:45:03

Marking here too.

I would let it drop into conversation that you saw them and clearly his kids are not a priority.

You're amazing and you're well rid. But give yourself time to grieve - for you and your relationship and the honesty and trust you brought to it.

Not him.

LoserNoMore Tue 23-Apr-13 23:11:30

Imtheonlyone, meant to say thanks. Goodnight.

Thanks to everyone. All your advice is a good help and writing stuff down is helping too. Going to try and get some sleep. My body is knackered but my brain isn't. Goodnight.

thistlelicker Tue 23-Apr-13 23:12:13

Ohhhh new thread!!!! Loving the determination in thread topic x

skyebluesapphire Wed 24-Apr-13 00:45:18

LNM, family can be odd things. My XH did the dirty on me and not once has XMIL rung me to see how we are getting on sad I sent her a birthday card, she sent me one. She just said, these things happen, when XH walked out with no prior warning. Like it happens every day! But we were never close so I don't expect anything from her.

If you were close to your MIL then maybe she will want to stay in touch with you no matter what your H says or does. I know of IL's who have cast their son out and stuck by the DIL.

You are doing very well. It's not an easy road but you will get there.

overtheraenbow Wed 24-Apr-13 01:13:04

Pehaps your in laws are waiting for a cue from you Lmn? Or are simply not sure how to react. Of course a third theory is that they have only had his (edited) version of events.
My IL's have been fantastic and although they have not cut contact and are polite and couteous to their son have made it perfectly clear that his twuntish behaviour is not going to affect their relationship with me or the kids as they think he's been a fool. I suspect they will not forgive him for this. I have always been close to them ( if not in distance )
I also want to congratulate you for coping so well over only a short time ( I'm a few months ahead of you time wise but a way behind you emotionally ) but take care of yourself, it may hit when you are least expecting it ( though I hope not) you sound strong!

Longdistance Wed 24-Apr-13 01:51:11

LNM I think you're amazing too smile

The way you have composed yourself with dignity and grace deserves applauding.

I may be wrong, but I think your pil maybe embarrassed about their sons behaviour, but that's all depending on what version of events he's fed to his parents, and his ds.

thistlelicker Wed 24-Apr-13 02:38:43

Could u contact them directly and arrange concoct or ur dd? Do u have solid relationship with them? Perhaps thy ont know what to say to u?

BrevilleTron Wed 24-Apr-13 03:53:00

Another good song ( de lurking )
Simple Plan
Your love is a lie

Helped me enormously
Can't seem to link but give it a YouTube
Or if someone else can link it please

You are amazing flowers

CabbageLeaves Wed 24-Apr-13 05:49:52

My brain is knackered but won't let me sleep. Work meeting today

I've just googled Cher Strong Enough because those lyrics are v v good. The tube clip is very 'disco' and made me feel my age so I'm not linking blush but the lyrics are very relevant

When I was splitting there was a thread of 'songs to break up to'. Someone told me that listening to music would be difficult after I'd split and they were right because they are all about love, loss and hold memories. I used to feel sad or tearful hearing music from our time together. The songs on that thread were all about being strong and moving on. Since I love listening to music it was really good for me ...a sort of mental/emotional boost delivered in music. I still hear them now and they hold positive memories of splitting up (oxymoron)

CabbageLeaves Wed 24-Apr-13 05:51:22

Just a clip of lyrics as I'm not sleeping

Where did you sleep last night?
And was she worth it, was she worth it?

'Cos I'm strong enough
To live without you
Strong enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I'm strong enough
To know you gotta go

There's no more to say
So save your breath
And then walk away
No matter what I hear you say
I'm strong enough to know you gotta go

So you feel misunderstood
Baby, have I got news for you
On being used, I could write a book
You don't wanna hear about it

I've been losing sleep
You've been going cheap
She ain't worth half of me it's true

50shadesofbrown Wed 24-Apr-13 06:32:59

Hi LNM hope you managed to switch off & get some decent sleep last night & had no idiotic texts arriving at stupid o'clock. I've followed your threads but not posted much as haven't been is the same situation, my xp was a different kind of twat. You are doing brilliantly & are an inspiration. Hope today goes well & your head is feeling better.

bleedingheart Wed 24-Apr-13 07:02:51

YY, I hope he didn't have the audacity to text or call last night. Maybe the stress of juggling and lying will give him an ulcer and then he won't have to 'work' will he?

He's treating you all with contempt whilst no doubt presenting himself as a broken man. Repulsive.
He didn't know you at all LNM or he didn't believe you.
Hope you got some rest.
Hope Esme is okay too.

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