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Dp been really off with me since going on a stag doo.

(280 Posts)
whatapotatohead Tue 23-Apr-13 13:06:16

Dp went away this weekend on a stag doo. He came home on Sunday night and has hardly spoken to me sincesad
I was fine with him going away (actually looking forward to a few girly days with dd) and have been fine with him since he has been home, stayed up until he came home even though it was late and had to be up in the morning, had a beer and a snack waiting in the fridge for him when he got home. Nice meal prepared for last night...
He wouldn't come to bed on Sunday, stayed downstairs until I was asleep, hardly spoke to me last night and wouldn't come to bed again but stayed downstairs until 1am.
I have asked what is wrong with him but he just says he is fine then goes quiet again.
Don't want to keep asking him what's wrong but can't stand feeling like this.

dontyouwantmebaby Tue 23-Apr-13 15:31:05

OP - I'd pretty much be fuming by now about his silent treatment and I'm afraid I'd have snapped and asked him what the hell is wrong/why is he not coming to bed with me/why staying up till 1am (if this is unusual for him) etc.

There's a lot of speculation going on in this thread but you just need to ask him. If he is reticent then I'd say you're not putting up with this type of behaviour.

Whilst true that some blokes on stag do's go along with the herd and go to brothels/sex shows, there really are many who don't. Often in large groups there'll be a natural divide between those who are predominantly there for drinking/drugs/sex and people tend to hang out mainly with the group they fall into iyswim. OOf course that's a generalisation and depends on the dynamic of the group and yes, I know some blokes will fall into all 3 of those too. But not all blokes cheat, not even on stag do's.

Hope you get to the bottom of it soon.

BitBewildered Tue 23-Apr-13 15:34:59

Yes, all women want to do is 'suck cock' CuChullain hmm

givemeaclue Tue 23-Apr-13 15:41:24

I think you are jumping to conclusions. He is prob just feeling rough.

CuChullain Tue 23-Apr-13 15:41:59


Well done for spectacularly missing the point.

meditrina Tue 23-Apr-13 15:44:11

If it was jut a hang over, why did he say he was fine yet dish out the cold shoulder treatment, rather than just ruefully admit it and withdraw to sleep it off?

Loulybelle Tue 23-Apr-13 15:45:55

I very much doubt its a hangover, if hes perfectly normal to everyone else, and giving only OP the silent treatment.

Dahlen Tue 23-Apr-13 15:46:11

OP lives with her DP. She knows what he's like when he's "just feeling rough". Give her some credit for believing that something about this is different.

Thisisaeuphemism Tue 23-Apr-13 15:46:42

The point is that he is acting bizarrely and the op is wondering why.

Presumably, ignoring her completely while behaving nicely with their kids and friends, is out of the ordinary in their relationship (and in most relationships) and she is concerned.

Why dismiss her concerns?

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 23-Apr-13 15:47:24

@CuChullain...I think BitBewildered entirely got your point. You're the one spectacularly missing the point of the OP.

whatapotatohead Tue 23-Apr-13 15:48:15

meditrina that's my point exactly, I was fully prepared for him to come home feeling awful and spend atleast all of Monday in bed recovering, I would nit have minded this at all, he works bloody hard and deserves to have some down time but his behavior towards me is not right, if he was just hungover he would be off with everyone not just me sad

ZZZenagain Tue 23-Apr-13 15:48:50

trust your instincts. Hope you find out what it is all about.

BitBewildered Tue 23-Apr-13 15:52:47

CuChullain it wasn't your point I disagreed with, it was your choice of sexual activity. Personally I would choose to receive rather than give oral sex. Like many other people. So ner!

CuChullain Tue 23-Apr-13 15:52:49


He is saying he is fine as he probably does not want to make a big deal out of it and the last he wants to do is 'talk about it' or be bombarded with text messages while he drags his arse through a painfully long Monday at work. Yes, his behaviour is being pretty self indulgent and inconsiderate and when he shapes up he owes the OP some serious spoiling.

BitBewildered Tue 23-Apr-13 15:56:26

Yes, OP, it sounds as though he's making a point of being off with you. I think you're going to have to make it plain that his behaviour is upsetting you, and you're thinking the worst. sad

CuChullain Tue 23-Apr-13 16:00:55


Fair enough, apologies for snapping!

meditrina Tue 23-Apr-13 16:04:23

CuChullain OP has seen him through hangovers before this, and he's out of character this time. And if he wanted peace and quiet, why not just say so? And why single OP out?

OP: I hope it proves to be something embarrassing, like an arrest for streaking.

whatapotatohead Tue 23-Apr-13 16:06:56

CuC I have not bombarded him with texts, I just said I am trying not to text to try and sort this out because I am really upset and think if I try and talk to him face to face I will fall apart. it is now Tuesday and he has still not spoken to me but is fine with everyone else, do you think this is just a hangover that he doesn't want to talk about?

hairtearing Tue 23-Apr-13 16:16:39

Oh god op this must be awful for you. Tbh I would have snapped by now and been like now then, and I actually would text him and say "your making it obvious you have done something you want to admit now or throw away our relationship?" I think you need to not allow yourself to be ignored. Update us op.

Leavenheath Tue 23-Apr-13 16:18:59

when he shapes up he owes the OP some serious spoiling.

Why oh why do dickwads think that women will excuse any old crap as long as someone 'spoils' them afterwards?

Occasional lurker, but I'm amazed we haven't had a post yet recommending the OP goes on a 'spa weekend' to get even.

As if that helps.

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 23-Apr-13 16:20:11

He's talking to everyone else OP.

So no it's got nothing to do with being hungover and everything to do with him and whatever problem he has and is not telling you about.

That is no way to behave to be honest, especially as you've done nothing & it makes it look like he's done something whilst away.

He needs confronting, asap.

Good luck thanks

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 23-Apr-13 16:21:56

(I was trying not to post too but this is really not normal and suggests something serious...even if it's not, which is wildly unfair on you. I'd be raging at being treated like that for a sustained period and am raging on your behalf actually, but i've had no sleep in ages so take that with a pinch of salt )

Thisisaeuphemism Tue 23-Apr-13 16:26:12

Dont text - I know yor not going to anyway but don't.

Wait until you are face to face...

CuChullain Tue 23-Apr-13 16:31:26


"Why oh why do dickwads think that women will excuse any old crap as long as someone 'spoils' them afterwards?"

And where have I said that women should excuse "any old crap" with a bit of spoiling. Talk about taking my post out of context!

LookingForwardToMarch Tue 23-Apr-13 16:32:45

I second that. You'll want to be face to face when you say something op.

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 23-Apr-13 16:34:45

And you need to be face to face. You can tell a lot more mainly whether or not they're lying from asking outright and seeing how they react.

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