TIME IS IT THE BEST HEALER?

[ste8]

i have been split from my x for nearly a year. i am sure he has done a lot of growing up. and i certainly miss him a lot. however is time a healer or will it all just go back to the way it was before. he is such a good man. and he loves our two kids with all his heart and does all he can for them. a year ago when we were together we were doing really well. (happy) but then something ruined it. i would like to give him another chance. just really scraed that if i do. he will cause me the same pain all over again. has anyone else been or is in this kind of situation at the moment?

stephanie

[Lucylloyd13]

I don't think that time is a healer, it does offer perspective.

[moconanth72]

I would consider giving him another chance. I had a six month break from my oh and it is now better than ever. just be firm from the start of what u want and it what is acceptable. good luck.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

The only person you can know for definite is yourself. What was it that ruined the happiness originally? An affair? Lies?

[hellsbellsmelons]

It really would depend on what he had done.
If it was cheating then sorry, for me that is a total and utter deal breaker and one never to be forgiven.
Having said that, for a lot of people, some relationships can be stronger after this kind of thing.
It might be a good idea to 'date' to start with and see how that goes and then move on slowly from there.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I've been out of my parents' home for 20 years. If I stay there longer than a week I turn into a sullen teenager and they turn into annoying naggy irritants who know best. My point is that with some relationships you revert to type.

If there was a happy marriage and then one thing changed it, there might be hope. If it was a long series if issues with one thing that tipped you over into divorce, it's unlikely he will have changed in a year.

[Distrustinggirlnow]

I think it depends on what he did to cause you pain.....

If there is a fair likelihood that the scenario can be repeated then I think I would leave things as they are.

Whatever the back story, he needs to help you to rebuild your trust. Is he willing to do this? If he is then I would take it slowly, spending time together just the two of you.

[ste8]

thank you for all your replies. he never cheated on me. just hid certain things from me. and never trusted me at all. i felt like i could not have a life. one part of me just wants to tell him i love him and can we work on getting back to normal. the other half wants to be cautious and protect myself from being hurt.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Carry on being cautious. Trust is pretty visceral, fundamental thing and if he's got a track record of being secretive and not trusting you then it's easy to say 'I've changed' but far more difficult to achieve in practice. There are more ways of 'cheating' someone than slipping into bed with someone else.