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is my mother a pita or is it me?

(9 Posts)
carlajean Mon 22-Apr-13 14:06:47

I posted a while ago about my mother making an inappropriate comment about my daughter's sex life to my husband. I.e. her bf has had a serious accident and (my mum says) my ddis keen on sex, and they wouldn't be having any etc etc. anyway, for the first time in my life, I challenged her - just saying cal my that she had been inappropriate. anyway, we are getting over the fallout from that (she blanked my husband after that for a couple of visits and told me I was immature) .
so, as we're going away for a long holiday, and it's my mum's birthday soon, this weekend we had the whole family round for the day. it went OK. normally my mum brings loads to stuff to offload on me, but they came by train, so I thought that was solved. today I looked in the bathroom cupboard and she has put some (manky) sheets in there. I know I probably come across as ungracious, but isn't it out of order to put unwanted stuff in other people's cupboards. even as I type this I realise how stupid it sounds, but I feel I'm trying my best with her and there is NO POINT.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Apr-13 14:42:34

She secretly deposits sheets? Is anything missing?

carlajean Mon 22-Apr-13 14:52:29

no smile but there's no need for her to go upstairs (and leave stuff) or am I going mad?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Apr-13 14:53:18

I don't think you're going mad. Sounds more like she is...

HotDAMNlifeisgood Mon 22-Apr-13 15:00:14

Oh, I had one of those. Never told her how much it hacked me off that she would come with loads of crap to "give" me on all her visits. just accepted it and threw it away when she was gone.

You could try confronting her about it I suppose: "Mum, I don't want you to bring us any of your unwanted stuff on your visits." But frankly with the kind of person I suspect she is, you won't get very far. Her behaviour re: your daughter is worse, focus on that rather than the small stuff (even though I doubt you'll get anywhere on that topic either).

Basically: choose how much of your time and attention you want to give her, and ignore anything she says or does outside that. You cannot change her.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Apr-13 15:03:21

At least they bring stuff. After my DM has been visiting I find all the old rubbish I've put out for recycling and charity bags back in the house! She's like a wrinkly Womble...

HotDAMNlifeisgood Mon 22-Apr-13 15:14:57

Is your Mum in any way a hoarder? Mine rarely throws anything away. So I think that her bringing me her crap, along with being somewhat disrespectful of me and my space, is also part of her inability to throw shit out. If that's the case for your Mum too, it may be that she thinks her old things need to be kept somewhere, and since you and your home are an extension of her (...not!), then it might follow that it seems logical to her to secret old crap in your house too.

Just a conjecture. Doesn't change anything to your situation, of course.

prettybird Mon 22-Apr-13 15:27:31

Do you have a Cash4Clothes (or similar) shop nearby? At least you could then earn 50p for every kg of sheets she leaves you! grin

carlajean Mon 22-Apr-13 15:40:56

thank you all for understanding - she is like hotdamn describes. it's never nice stuff. it's a standing joke between me and my brother than when she gives chocolate it's always years out of date, literally. anyway, after the previous incedent, about the remarks about my daughter's sex life, I suggested we got together for a chat, and when we did, realized that she thought I was coming to apologize. so, I take on board your advice and thank you for listening x

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